Taking toddlers to church

[naughtylist]

This evening, I thought it would be lovely to take the children to church for a christmas carol service.

We were welcomed beautifully but after 15 minutes dd age 3 started yelling 'time to go home home now' loudly. I'm there whispering 'shhhhhhhhhh', 'you are being naughty', and finally 'I am telling Santa'. Vicar announces to everyone (obv because of us) 'those of you here with young children, don't bother trying to keep them quiet or still as it's impossible'. I think this lovely of them but am accutely aware DD really is probably ruining it for everyone else.

Then, just as I was thinking of ushering DD out, a lovely lady came over with some toys to keep DD entertained. Kept her quiet for next 15 mins.

Then came the Christingle ceremony. Kids are presented with oranges stuffed with sweets and fruit. Oranges are then lit and we are to stand in a circle singing. All very lovely until they insist on lighting the candle on DD age 3's candle despite me saying it wasn't wise. Next few minutes should have been like a lovely christmas film with us holding candles singling 'silent night' but it wasn't. DD could not hold cristingle safely obvioulsy so I put my hand on it to help. DD started screaming 'no mummy, it my orange, stop helping me'. Glanced accross to DD age 5 who was lovingly singing holding candlelit orange extremely close to her hair. Hollered accross the room to warn her. Sorted her out and then dd age 3 became hysterical 'it my orange' and 'you naughty mummy' over and over again until the service finished.

At the end, the vicar said it was lovely to see all the new faces and she hoped we would come back. Do they really mean this?

Yes, they mean it.

Two of the three kings travelled down the aisle at top speed this year (galloping camels?) and the small one then spent the entire nativity picking his nose
We have been the parents wondering why we bother on many occasions, and the weeks it's not us it's another child being disruptive. It's fine.
Our church is fab and has toys, a crèche, and lots of Sunday school activities for bits of the morning services, and for the times and services when we are "gathered church" all disruption is tolerated with good grace.
There are other services for adults who want to be contemplative.

Christmas Jumper wearer - yes you are right the pope is more family friendly there was the little boy on the stage and the 'aids' kept trying to move him on , but the pope was very cool about it..... Walking into my local church its so sombre and sorry to say 'boring' . All very 'shussh' formal , long words and sermons that go on and on and you can't recall what they started on . There is no way I would consider taking my 5 yr old .My childhood memories of going to church were great, a welcoming fun place we sang and the sermons were child friendly that grew with you. I still remember some ! My dd has been to church more times in the Uk than in Italy and we are only here twice a year!

Yes they mean it - my children go every week an it's the longest hour of the week but : Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

So, I try to keep them quiet and respectful and don't worry too much! And if anyone gives me evils I pray for them!

Love your post jamdoughtnutfiend and this thread is making me wonder why I go to my church at all. I've had people tell me that I should tell my son to 'shush' and other intolerant stuff.DS age 3 has autism so he's quite loud and he tends to create a fuss at random things. Even my NT 6 yr old has had stuff said to him.no one dares challenge me now as I have told them not to speak to me or my children but this thread makes me realise what a sad state of affairs this is.i've virtually stopped taking my youngest now as I can't stand the strain.

OP your church sounds fab and genuinely like they love children which is how it should be.i'm thinking of finding church where we can be similarly welcomed.

This is why I have renewed hope for the Catholic church. Hopefully his attitude will filter down to the priests.

I should add... I don't mean just that he let the child have a little wander on the stage but that he's the kind of man that sees what real life is like. He's not living in his ivory tower cut off from the real world. He's not full of pomp and ceremony.

andanotherthing I think you should have a proper talk with your vicar about that. I'm saddened and shocked that people in your church are so unwelcoming.

What nickeldonkey said. At our church we have a child with aspergers, and when he was told off by someone, the person who told him off was spoken to by quite a number of people and told not to do it again. It really ought o be a place where you find some empathy and understanding, and, if not, move.

Yes they meant it. I was thinking about taking my lot to a christingle this year but chickened out. Mostly because of DS3 who is nearly 3 and would probably try to set himself on fire. My dad is always in charge of the buckets of sand and water at their church but he's never had to use them.

Andanotherthing that is so sad. My 4yr old has asd and finds it impossible to sit still quietly, yet he has always been very welcome at our church. Not long after he was diagnosed, when it was still all very new and raw for me, there was one particular Sunday morning when he was very disruptive. I was almost in tears, but afterwards our lovely children's worker gave me a hug and said "he hasn't suddenly stopped being part of the church family just because he's autistic".

OP, they meant it.

I feel like I owe it to my son not exclude him - I feel ashamed that I have allowed people to make me feel so conscious of his behaviour that leaving him at home with DH has become the better option. I did speak to the priest and he printed out a lovely newsletter for everyone one Sunday which explained why children's cries SHOULD be a part of the mass. But I'm so self conscious now that I can't relax. And I look at my son making noises and he's simply not developed enough to understand being quiet or lowering his voice. And I don't want to sit in a room, cut off from the mass for the entire thing and I don't want to spend an hour trying to stop my son from expressing himself when he's just being himself.

I need to make a decision as in 5 weeks DC3 will be here and it'll only get harder. I either need to look for another church or give it a break for a while. I'm praying for some guidance!

just start taking him again.
your priest is on board.
sit near sympathetoc, nice people who don't mind the noise.
take activities with you for him to do.
our church has busy bags, which ccontain plastic toys, colouring books, crayons and reading books. maybe you could make a few for your church to help encourage young children?
ask people to help by donating toys and crayons etc.

I get a little misty eyed when I watch the toddlers wander up the church and look at all the statues, and listening to them (when the bell rings, there's always one yelling 'tidy up time!' or 'come in!' or somesuch).

Basically, they are the future of my church.

Please don't feel excluded. I know it's very hard to relax, and sometimes I'd really like to just have quiet time in mass to think, rather than constantly explaining what everything means, but really, children in the church are a joy.