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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking toddlers to church

89 replies

naughtylist · 24/12/2013 23:38

This evening, I thought it would be lovely to take the children to church for a christmas carol service.

We were welcomed beautifully but after 15 minutes dd age 3 started yelling 'time to go home home now' loudly. I'm there whispering 'shhhhhhhhhh', 'you are being naughty', and finally 'I am telling Santa'. Vicar announces to everyone (obv because of us) 'those of you here with young children, don't bother trying to keep them quiet or still as it's impossible'. I think this lovely of them but am accutely aware DD really is probably ruining it for everyone else.

Then, just as I was thinking of ushering DD out, a lovely lady came over with some toys to keep DD entertained. Kept her quiet for next 15 mins.

Then came the Christingle ceremony. Kids are presented with oranges stuffed with sweets and fruit. Oranges are then lit and we are to stand in a circle singing. All very lovely until they insist on lighting the candle on DD age 3's candle despite me saying it wasn't wise. Next few minutes should have been like a lovely christmas film with us holding candles singling 'silent night' but it wasn't. DD could not hold cristingle safely obvioulsy so I put my hand on it to help. DD started screaming 'no mummy, it my orange, stop helping me'. Glanced accross to DD age 5 who was lovingly singing holding candlelit orange extremely close to her hair. Hollered accross the room to warn her. Sorted her out and then dd age 3 became hysterical 'it my orange' and 'you naughty mummy' over and over again until the service finished.

At the end, the vicar said it was lovely to see all the new faces and she hoped we would come back. Do they really mean this?

OP posts:

3bunnies · 25/12/2013 21:07

:) backforgood obviously you haven't been to our midnight mass timed to coincide with pub closing time. Not the quietest service of Christmas.

nocheeseinhouse · 25/12/2013 21:28

Yes, they'll mean it.

bigTillyMintspie · 25/12/2013 21:34

It sounds like it was a children's cristingle service, so IME there would be no problem with children making a noise, etc.

Of course, if you go regularly, she will get used to what happens

FionasFatFairy · 25/12/2013 21:52

In our church the children are all invited to sit around the altar on the floor to free up space for adults in the pews.

At one point DD2 (3) was wobbling/twisting the cross on a pole. We got her cousin to swap places

FionasFatFairy · 25/12/2013 21:54

When DS was small, he and his cousin had to be dissuaded from trying to do head stands on the altar steps on Christmas Eve.

EdithWeston · 25/12/2013 21:57

Midnight Mass is brilliant if you have a very small non-sleeping one.

If you're going to a recital in a church, of course those who cannot be quiet should not attend. But for a service of worship - whether the music is good bad or indifferent - it's (rightly) for everyone.

moldingsunbeams · 25/12/2013 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaGuardia · 25/12/2013 22:12

As long as you put some money in the collection, I am sure they meant it.

moldingsunbeams · 25/12/2013 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad · 25/12/2013 22:50

backforgood
in my case, no, not possible.
very small choir. dh is the choirmaster/organist and I'm one of the sopranos. so, no, neither of us can take her out during the choir items.
she was as good as gold (dozing on my shoulder) during the advent carol service and she aas great at midnight mass (mormal service so I don't think she realised) but at 9 lessons and carols, she chose to whinge. I did take her out during one of the umaccompanied lullabies, but that was mainly because I accidentally knocked her head on the pew and she cried.

Mimishimi · 25/12/2013 23:00

I took my seven year old to the Christmas Eve mass. He was the same. After about twenty minutes ogling at the packed cathedral, he started passing loud commentary on each picture of the walk to the crucifixion as depicted in paintings on the walls. After doing that, at each prayer/song/homily he would ask at which point of the program we were up to and whether it was almost finished. Kept him quiet for a while with some Christmas biscotti but he practically raced out of the church by the end of the 90 minutes. Happy to keep it to once or twice a year really.

McPheelingUpSanta · 25/12/2013 23:02

I took dd to the Crib service, on Christmas eve. It was beautiful. Lots of children dressed up as nativity characters, with the baby Jesus all nestled in his manger. The sound of the organ ringing around the Cathedral, as we all sang Silent Night....

Dd running up and down the stage, tinsel tied round her waist, shouting GO GO GO!!!!

Magic

Rosa · 25/12/2013 23:05

As others have said yes they mean it.. our Chris Dingle had some glo sticks for the very little ones .. Stuck in the orange with no sweets on sticks just some given to the mum/ child. During the final address a toddler charged up the aisle , the Vicar smiled and said how nice it was for him to come and say hello and toddler charged round the chairs back to mum who had tried to grab him as he legged it off but missed. .. Nobody blinked an eye... I wish the churches were like this in Italy where we live i might be more willing to take my dc ( pope take note !!!)

lilystem · 25/12/2013 23:07

Yes they do.

If you don't hear crying the church is dying.

ChristmasJumperWearer · 25/12/2013 23:09

Rosa I think the Pope has taken note - seem to remember a small child invading his stage recently and he let him stay.

homeagain · 25/12/2013 23:20

They definitely mean it. I work on a couple of church committees and we are so keen to see young families coming along, and try to think of things that will appeal. A bit of noise and disruption is absolutely fine. It's hard on the parents who think people mind, but they really don't.

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad · 25/12/2013 23:31

when dd was just walking, we had a zervice for the Guides. dd was walking round the church carrying (a church-suupplied) bucket of duplo. the vicar announced during his welccoming address that dd was ready, with her bucket of lego

MrsSteptoe · 25/12/2013 23:49

As others have said, the church that can't make room for children is a dying church. I'm sure they're sincere that they want your children back. Families are the future of the church.

MidniteScribbler · 26/12/2013 00:04

The early service at our church is designed for children and we generally expect chaos. We had one of the wise men run off with baby Jesus just as Mary was about to give birth and refuse to give him back, so the part of Jesus was played by my son's toy dog. Who cares? Church should be for everyone.

FionasFatFairy · 26/12/2013 00:14

DH works weekends so I usually take 3 DC aged 3, 6 and 9 to church on my own.

To be honest I find the 9yo the worst behaved in church.

It is stressful, distraction is great. We gave a pop up Christmas book, a children's lift the flap bible and take colouring and raisins ith us.

VworpVworp · 26/12/2013 00:34

I have no issue with small children chattering/asking questions/wriggling around at a service aimed at small children, however I was quite taken aback by the 18-22yos behind our family that chatted all the way through the Christingle service we attended on Christmas Eve, including the choir items and even prayers . Their parents were with them, and did nothing to stop them, nor discourage them!

I don't let my children eat the christingle sweets before the end of the service though- that's not really on IMO.

Jellypudmum · 26/12/2013 01:49

Our local church has a crib service every Christmas Eve where they actively encourage children to be children. Cue every child dressing up and being part of the nativity; the nativity told in chocolate with a sweet lottery taking part throughout; birthday candles and song for Jesus and so many percussion instruments they drown out any over enthusiastic toddler protestations!!

homeagain · 26/12/2013 02:18

18 - 22 yr old talking all through is rude and disrespectful. Why come ? I'd be a bit cross about that.

BetsyBoop · 26/12/2013 08:09

They definitely mean it!

I think just about everything has been said already, but just to add don't forget a lot of folks will have had their own small children with them in Church at some point in their lives, they know what it's like and will have their own "embarrassing moment" tales - our vicar even recalls them about his own DD! ( now in her 20s) and most Churches seem to have one grumpy git who will tut at you - ignore!

Bubbless · 26/12/2013 08:27

I haven't read all of the replies, but my church is very child friendly, other people offering to hold my dd if she's bein a handful during te service etc.. Go again, what's the worst that can happen
For a member of 'staff' to say it was lovely to see you and to please come back makes me think they want you there, if they didn't I assume they might have avoided you (..and the screaming child with the orange!!!!) :D

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