"I've never not spent Christmas with my parents"

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

AIBU to be angry at DH? He won't even consider spending one Christmas away from his parents. I just want to spend it at home, where I can stay in my pyjamas all day and watch whatever I want on tv. The simple compromise would be for him to take DS there and leave me to it, but apparently that's out of the question.

He says I'm being all bah humbug, but I just don't want to deal with lots of people over Christmas. Plus he expects me to clean the house before they show up to collect us (It's fairly clean, but their standards are higher than mine.) I can't help thinking that he should have done it, if he cares so much, instead of expecting me to.

Maybe I'm just low because my SAD has been really bad this week, but I don't think I'm being completely unreasonable here. I just want a quiet Christmas at home!

Yanbu, i don't see why things have to be the same every year!
After all you have your own family now so maybe one year he could compromise so that you can have your own family christmas.

The cleaning up thing should be mostly his job considering he won't back down on his plans.

I can't see why everyone cannot be accommodated? You can have a Christmas together and then he can go off with the boy for a while to his parents?

this year I am just adamant I'm not travelling anywhere because I do not want to. Yanbu!

Why does he get to decide?

Compromise. He can go. You stay home.

Or you can both stay home.

And fuck the cleaning the house for 10 minutes of pick up.

Is he always so childish?

Bit of both. Just because your DP is an adult doesn't mean he can't want to still see his parents. And letting him and your son go without you isn't very Christmasy for your son. But.nothing wrong with making him do all the tidying.

YANBU. He's a knob. I don't understand people who remain this closely attached to their parents after having a family of their own -- not even willing to compromise by dropping the odd year?! Ridiculous.

As for expecting you to clean the house to show home standard to suit his parents... You know you're not being unreasonable there to expect him to pull his weight.

I think that's really sad, actually - if he's not near enough to pop over for a mince pie for an hour or so, he's basically saying you can either do it his way or spend Christmas separately. To me, that feels like what you do as a teenager, not an adult in a couple.

What about seeing your parents?

Well there's a first time for everything!

If he wants to put his foot down, I'd be inclined to put my foot up his backside. Is he usually such a twat?

Why can't he clean the house if it bothers him so much? That would really piss me off.

What is going to happen? Will you never have Christmas the way you would like it because he gets his own way each year? that's really sad for you op. he is being really unreasonable.

If he wants the house clean, he can do it.

Can you agree to alternate years? That's what we do - one year at my mums, one year at home and relaxed. This year we're at home and I'm not even cooking Christmas dinner, we're going out!

He's a knob if he thinks it's reasonable to dictate every Christmas.

There is a first time for everything! My DH was the same until a few years ago. Unfortunately he still won't contemplate spending Christmas in our own home but at least every other year I get to see my parents.

To be fair it came at a time when his sisters started going travelling and pairing off, which made it a bit easier.

I do think Christmas is about family, so I think you are being a bit unreasonable there. As for the cleaning, seriously?!? Tell him you are not his house elf.

Hope you feel better soon.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEMen, he's not always, just around Christmas. Drives me mad.

ThurlHoHoHow I have no problem with him wanting to see his parents. I do have a problem with being expected to spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day with them just because that's what he's always done.

They're just so over the top with Christmas, and it's just not me. I haven't spent more than a few hours over the three days with my lot for years now, and that suits me fine.

lumpy, isn't she is family?!

Well I started off thinking YANBU - after all if you have family of your own then why should his side always get to trump yours? However, from your most recent post it does sound like you aren't that bothered about being with your folks anyway and probably aren't that in to Christmas at all, whereas he and his family obviously are.

I have to admit that I probably sit closer to the OTT side as I do like Christmas and go to a great deal of effort. I actually wouldn't much like a Christmas where I just sat around watching the TV and doing nothing special. If your DH is used to a full on family event I can sort of see why he would feel that the Christmas you describe sounds a bit flat.

5Foot5, it probably does sound a bit flat, but it's not. It's just more relaxed, no rushing around, just a day to do whatever we feel like. I don't get that with DHs family. I get that he's used to it being a big thing, but it wouldn't kill him to do one year my way. He might even enjoy it!

YANBU but I haven't yet spent a Christmas without my mum and I'm married with 2DC. It just would not compute to not do the whole family Christmas thing - sitting around in my PJs would remind me of having the flu.

Ya probably nbu but I might cry if I had to spend Christmas at home just us, knowing my family were together somewhere else. Definitely not eve, day and boxing though.

Ya probably nbu but I might cry if I had to spend Christmas at home just us, knowing my family were together somewhere else. Definitely not eve, day and boxing though.

I came on to say 'there's a first time for everything' or 'why don't you take turns', as it doesn't seem 'fair' to always go to one set of parents, but I think 'making a thing of Christmas Day' is what people do for Christmas, so as your alternative is to do nothing,, then yes, I think YABU. You sound a bit "stroppy teen" to not be prepared to go over and spend a day with Grandparents at Christmas, tbh

You wouldn't have been unreasonable if you'd decided this a week or so ago but I think it's a bit late now to change the plans. His parents will have bought food and made plans that include you.

He IBU about you cleaning the house - he should bloody do it

YANBU.

My ex always insisted we stayed at his parents, over Christmas, and for far longer than I ever could enjoy. I, invariably, had to visit my own parents, alone, some other time in the year.

Posted too soon. DH and I now spend our own Christmas day, alone with the boys. Much less stressful than family obligations. Family can be visited during the rest of the week, which makes it much less overwhelming for both the boys (and us).

Bit of both. Wanting to stay at home in Pjs is unreasonable. DH expecting you to clean is also unreasonable.

BackforGood I'm desperately trying not to act like a stroppy teen, but it's honestly the tip of the iceberg. We've spent a lot of time with them over the last few months (got married in Nov, they were very involved in planning).

It's not just spending the day, either. We're going there tonight, spending all day tomorrow, and coming home late on boxing day. In that time, I'm expected to carry on with potty training (fat chance, I'm not risking an accident on their very nice carpet!) and generally do everything for DS. ILs would be happy to pitch in, but DH insists we have to do it all. Which means I do it. While trying to act all happy and festive, when I feel anything but.