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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a bit late to drop out of Christmas dinner

54 replies

happydazed · 23/12/2013 01:44

Sorry, another Christmas thread. Got a text before to say sil won't be coming over at Christmas, she's ddecided to go out with friends instead, I invited her months ago and she always said she was coming, we see her quite regularly.,only last week she talked about what time she was getting here

I have already bought food, presents, sorted sleeping arrangements, all to include her. There will be 11 people so I know really one less won't make much difference but still, it just seems rude to me to drop out this late.

OP posts:
BumpNGrind · 23/12/2013 01:47

How old is she?
Is everyone else in couples?

SpeckleDust · 23/12/2013 01:48

YANBU - very late to drop out. Has she got another offer for dinner or something?

Topaz25 · 23/12/2013 01:54

YANBU, it's rude of her to drop out this late when you've already bought food etc and just because she's made other plans, not because something urgent has come up.

Original poster
happydazed · 23/12/2013 01:57

She's mid 30 s and single and it's a mix of couples and singles, her whole family is here, none of mine so it's not like she doesn't know anyone., I think she's just got a better offer. I imagine her family will be upset so that's going to makeuthings awkward too

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 23/12/2013 01:59

Well it's not really 'late' is it? I mean it's not as if you're plating up and she just texted. Its no disaster. I'm guessing you're doing some sort of bird so it really won't be noticed that there is 'extra'. It will just be used up by everyone else. You'll have leftovers anyway even if she was there.

As for sleeping arrangements- just one less to worry about and i'm assuming you would have been getting her a present anyway whether she was coming or not as she is your SIL.

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/12/2013 02:18

I sympathise. My BIL and SIL were coming for christmas, then "dropped out" two weeks ago when DH messaged to confirm something (status of on/off vegetarianism!) and the response was "oh, no, we're going elsewhere"

Which was annoying enough (we were only 7 in total including DD) especially as I'm not sure when they were planning to darn well tell us!

They then messaged tonight saying "actually, can we come to yours after all we've changed our mind"

argh

Topaz25 · 23/12/2013 02:33

I'm glad I'm not the only one with an unreliable sibling in law! BIL and his girlfriend are "maybe" coming over for New Year's Eve. He has a habit of leaving it till the last minute to confirm plans, which gives us the impression he's waiting for a better offer. I need to know numbers to stock up on food and drinks!

MistressDeeCee · 23/12/2013 04:32

YANBU. My DB dropped out just today & Im beyond irritated, Id bought extra food sorted out sleeping arrangements, my DDs have his presents here & wrapped..& he wont be here. Its just annoying. Especially as he sounded vague about it all..I bet he calls on xmas eve and says he will be coming after all.

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 23/12/2013 04:34

YANBU at all.

EdithWeston · 23/12/2013 04:39

YANBU.

Ad if your ILs are normal(ish) she'll have been brought up to know how rude it is to turn down an invitation you have already accepted. And much of her family will know she's one just that.

I hope there is nothing bad going on. Or is it likely to be shagfest with new partner and plain old lust removing proper manners?

Chottie · 23/12/2013 06:29

Very rude manners - I would feel miffed too.

My elderly aunt and uncle never used to confirm whether they were coming on Christmas Day until Christmas Eve (hoping for an invite from own DCs).

brettgirl2 · 23/12/2013 06:46

it is late but chill its only one person and if she didn't want to come she didn't want to come. She probably doesn't like the whole family gathering, people asking if she has a bloke yet etc.

raisah · 23/12/2013 06:57

To everyone fretting over late confirmations from flakey guests; don't just carry on as normal and make your own plans. My BIL did this to us so we made plans to go out with friends instead & was miffed when he decided to pop round without notice to find us not in.

Don't change your plans to fit in with your SIL just carry on regardless and don't post her gift to her, she can collect it herself if she wants it.

CaptainSweatPants · 23/12/2013 07:01

I'd be a bit more understanding as it's a single girl in her thirties
Being with other single friends might make her feel happier than being with family right now

Preciousbane · 23/12/2013 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum · 23/12/2013 07:54

YANBU as I'd have bought everything to cater for everyone by now and wasted my money.

CinnabarRed · 23/12/2013 08:01

I know what you mean, but I'd be more inconvenienced by someone inviting an extra!

FredFredGeorge · 23/12/2013 08:06

I'd be glad the person was doing what they wanted and were going to be happy, they're 1 person out of 11 so it's not at all inconvenient and there's still days left.

You can be disappointed for not having her company if you particularly sought it, but it sounds like you are only bothered because now you'll have a few left over sprouts and have to re-do the place names for the sleeping bags.

girlywhirly · 23/12/2013 08:32

Well, I hope that if the flakey relatives do turn up they get it in the neck from the rest of their family for being so ill-mannered.

As Raisah says, assume they aren't coming if they say they aren't and if they turn up they will have to take their chances with whatever is left over after you have served the other guests meals. Definitely don't start buying extra foods or doing special things just in case, vegetarians will just have to manage with potatoes and veg if they don't have the courtesy to confirm their attendance and stick to it. I know it doesn't sound particularly generous, but if you are having to make your turkey stretch to feed X people as it is, why should those people go short? And every time you compensate for the flakey ones, they just assume you will do it every time.

I'm interested to note a pattern on these threads that mostly the people with no manners are those who have probably never entertained any quantity of guests unless with a takeaway.

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2013 10:21

I think YABabitU.

She's only one person, not a family of six so not a lot of difference either way really. Unless of course you were looking forward to her company, in which case you can be disappointed.

WooWooOwl · 23/12/2013 10:22

YANBU. Rude.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 23/12/2013 10:25

YANBU as she's dropped out to go with friends instead. That's rude. If she'd dropped out at the last minute due to illness or some other emergency, that's unfortunate but can't really be helped. It's very bad manners to ditch someone for a better offer though.

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2013 10:26

Do you know that she got a better offer?
Would you have bought her a present otherwise?

Trills · 23/12/2013 10:29

She is being rude, but it sounds like you'll have a fine time without her.

Unless she has special requirements food for 11 doesn't look much different to food for 10, and you may be able to have slightly nicer sleeping arrangements.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/12/2013 10:31

'All the more roasty potatoes for meeeeeeee'

Is what I'd text back.

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