Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop the kissing?

74 replies

Wikkiwoo · 22/12/2013 23:43

My family have never been the 'kissing' type family - as in when greeting or saying goodbye to each other.
However, DH's family are. Up until now, I have always gone along with it, even though it makes me uncomfortable. But, 12 years later and I still feel uncomfortable about it. I know FIL knows it makes me uncomfortable but instead of easing off a little, he is over the top and exaggerated which TBH is the problem.

I really need to put a stop to the kissing (especially the way in which FIL is) but how? I wouldn't mind but we see him 5 x a week!!!

Aibu to ask him to stop?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wikkiwoo · 22/12/2013 23:51

.

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 22/12/2013 23:52

Say "I'v got a big cold sore on the way...back off buddy!" and hold out your hand to keep him at arm's length.

If he persists, then you're within your rights to stamp on his foot...laugh whilst you do it too...and say "WHOOPS! I DID say no kissing."

Unless he has bad feet.

TheNightIsDark · 22/12/2013 23:53

Turn your head and lick his face. That should stop him Grin

Original poster
Wikkiwoo · 22/12/2013 23:55
Xmas Grin
OP posts:
cozietoesie · 22/12/2013 23:57

Don't ever let one of the family acquire a French partner as we did. They go round and kiss everyone in the family when they get out of bed in the morning and also kiss everyone in the house goodnight. (It's just good manners.) And kissing is quite complex - who you give a Two, who a 3 (very subtle that one) and who a 4.

It's really disconcerting.

AdmiralData · 22/12/2013 23:58

You aren't used to that sort of emotional display of affection so fair enough, just tell the bloke.I don't like anyone within five feet of me however my MIL always gives me a lil smooch on the cheek but tbf I think I have some deep rooted psychological need to compensate for a lack of love as a child hehehe. {Needs head tested emoticon}

carabos · 23/12/2013 00:34

We are friends with a couple in which the DH does not like to be kissed. They dealt with this by the DW saying to everyone on their wedding day who didn't already know "don't kiss M he doesn't like it". Problem solved.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/12/2013 00:36

Shudders at cozie's post. I worked in France, just about coped with the two-step kissing, then three for Italian colleagues and came back to the UK. My UK contractors, espied me kissing a French colleague and have taken it on board themselves. I now get slobbered over wherever I go and all in vain do I cry that I'm not French and I don't work in France anymore...

I don't like being kissed by family either... they're all AT IT. How does one stop all the kissing? I feel like having my lips removed! Xmas Angry

pandarific · 23/12/2013 00:44

I haaaate it. Hate it. Irish people don't do this, it's just unnatural. :/ Horrified I was when I moved to London and RANDOM STRANGERS who I'd just been introduced to and would probably never see again were all 'mwah mwah mwah'.

I was talking to a Northern girl about it and she said it took her ages to stop ducking. Sympathy, OP!

caroldecker · 23/12/2013 00:46

Tell all your men that the rule is you follow the woman's lead - no idea on how to deal with other women

trinity0097 · 23/12/2013 06:45

I know what you mean, for me it's going back to school after the holidays where there is mucho kissing as a way of greeting! Only from the men though, us woman don't kiss each other, just the men kissing us!!! Always two cheeked too!

Andrewofgg · 23/12/2013 07:12

YANBU bot others note: say no the first time. Much easier on both.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 07:18

Here's where no comes in handy.

AwkwardSquad · 23/12/2013 07:49

Create yourself a cold sore out of cornflakes and copydex. That should make him pause, at least. Hopefully long enough for you to back away out of kissing distance.

BocaDeTrucha · 23/12/2013 07:55

I live in a country where it's traditional to kiss on greeting and leaving someone and luckily my parents have always been of the kisses type (morning, bedtime etc). On trips back to the UK I find myself wanting to lurch in and kiss random people my mum introduces me to, then have to stop myself.

I'm your situation, op, I would just ask dh to tell pils to back off with the kisses, rather than me saying it directly (hate uncomfortable confrontation). If fil still continues, next time just pull away when he does it, he'll soon get the message!

pianodoodle · 23/12/2013 08:06

pandarific

I'm with you I didn't put it down to me being Irish but you could be right!

My family only do hugs if we're not going to be seeing each other for ages.

DH's mill about at the door taking it turns to hug and say "so gooood to see you" after popping over for an hour.

Mine just say "righto bye then" and promptly leave. No fannying around. Grin

JeanSeberg · 23/12/2013 08:09

Copydex! That took me right back to my childhood Awkward!

Olbasoil · 23/12/2013 08:10

AwkwardSquad.... That is hilarious!

HappySeven · 23/12/2013 08:24

Not sure the Irish are immune - my sister's in-laws are Irish and they all do it. I sometimes find it better than that awkward wave/hello I do but at least I know it's going to happen. I really hate it when I don't know whether it kiss or not and I end up doing that awkward 'are we? aren't we?'

Ledkr · 23/12/2013 08:25

Oh god I've found my soul mates!
I've spent years trying to avoid the pil kisses, mil has backed off but fil. Is on some kind if mission to kiss everyone.
I stay well back or keep my arms full but he's stil bobbing a weaving around me trying to find an opportunity to home in on me.
At big occasions I'm trying to skip out the door quickly as the entire family will be hovering or slowly walking towards me for the obligatory kiss.
It's like the walking dead!

Twit · 23/12/2013 08:38

Ooh me too! Have managed to escape this Christmas though by carrying dds sicky clothes. I have point blank told them if the kids don't want to, to leave it. They mostly always beg ask although the kids don't seem to mind as much.
I made a joke out of not wanting kisses and DH helps to remind them keep the joke going so they don't usually bother with me except at Christmas in front of bil, because he is a mwah mwah type (at least he tries to be)
. Plus it helps that they don't like me Grin
I kiss the little ones before school and bed etc and hug (if they let me) the big ones.

Ledkr · 23/12/2013 08:44

twit don't think mine are too keen on me either which is why I don't get why they want to slobber over me.

BlueStonesBells · 23/12/2013 09:05

I hate this too. Unfortunately I have yet to find a delicate way to tell people I hate it. Is it just me or is the phenomenon spreading, too?

Twit · 23/12/2013 09:58

I think some people think it makes them more interesting. It doesn't.
lekdr they try it every now and then but DH 'jokes' about how I don't do that or of hing and I dodge out the way leaving the hanging

DamnBamboo · 23/12/2013 10:01

Tell him you don't like it, straight up!

They will probably think you are weird (some people react badly to having their physical gestures spurned) but who cares, you will be free of future FIL kisses.