To stop the kissing?

[Wikkiwoo]

My family have never been the 'kissing' type family - as in when greeting or saying goodbye to each other.
However, DH's family are. Up until now, I have always gone along with it, even though it makes me uncomfortable. But, 12 years later and I still feel uncomfortable about it. I know FIL knows it makes me uncomfortable but instead of easing off a little, he is over the top and exaggerated which TBH is the problem.

I really need to put a stop to the kissing (especially the way in which FIL is) but how? I wouldn't mind but we see him 5 x a week!!!

Aibu to ask him to stop?

It's not for me, certainly, and to me it's 'strange' in so far as it is a strange thing for me to think about doing, but yes, I agree, certainly not strange as in of dubious intent. but I think it's just what different people are used to.

but then, I don't even like kissing my husband. I'm really not a kisser

I covered my kids in big kisses when they were babies though. They were exempt back then.

• thick, slippery, gloopy, bright lipgloss - on shopping list - CHECK!
• withering glare/wild eyes stare practised and perfected - CHECK!
• fast backwards shimmy tryout - CHECK!
• limbo with back handspring (as a last resort) - CHECK!
• cattle-prod as backup (stockists found) - CHECK!

Thanks guys... Merry Christmas!

I quite like hugs and kisses, but after our staff night out, a colleague and I mistimed it and kissed each others lips! That was a bit much for both of us!

Rhubarb, can i ask you how do you do the dutch kiss thing? I find it super embarrassing and tend to close my eyes and do a mwah air kiss. Should i be touching the face with my mouth? Urgh! Sometimes they hold my shoulders :(

Urgh yes the shoulder holding is creepy. FIL does that. I'm not sure I can offer any advice, I muddle through with an air kiss/ cheek bump and usually try to diffuse the embarrassment by twittering through it about it being lovely to see them. Cringe.

Ha! Sorry but that is funny :) it must be a typical English response then.

My DH's friend is just over 2 metres tall, he places his giant hands on my shoulders (pinning me in place) and then looks deep into my eyes before he does it. Its so intrusive and bizarre. At least PILs are short arses so i can bob over their shoulders a bit and escape the face touching.

How does FIL go OTT with it. I'm imagining a peck on each cheek. He doesn't try to slip you some tongue does he?

ArtVandelay... Pins you in place, looks deep into your eyes? OMG.

You can't even go with the excellent suggestion upthread of a headbut if he's that tall...

It's about four hours to my first batch of kisses. Prickly stubble that leaves marks on my face and forehead. I haaaate it so much.

Thinking of you all, suffering the personal-space-challenged this Christmas...

You could butt him in the stomach I guess or punch his bollocks.
What annoys me is that my pil can clearly see I'm uncomfortable but persist.
I find that really obnoxious actually.

Could you get one of those cones for around your neck that the vets give you when your dog has stitches? Perhaps you could just slip it on at high-risk moments like arriving and leaving?

Haha, love this idea, you could decorate it a bit with Christmas wrapping, just in honour of the season!

Update: Im in Holland - i avoided kissing SIL and cousins completely and just did some head bobbing and managed to avoid mouth or face touching with the PILs. Tomorrow i'm just going to thrust out my hand for shaking unless someone wants a hug - hugging is fine :)

This thread explains a lot, I am a kissy southerner and I will now wait for northerners to kiss me (or not).

I only kiss DP on the lips, never anyone else.

Chottie I was horrified as a Northerner when I moved to London and got invaded at every turn! I soon got used to it though....especially as a lot of people give you a "miss" instead of a kiss."

It's not a north/south thing. I'm a Londoner and I still am was appalled by my ILs double-cheek kiss. I'm still not sure what you're supposed to do when waiting for the inevitable follow-up.

My family hug.

How's it going you non kissers.
Ok here so far apart from dil who knows I hate it so chased me round yesterday
Tomorrow is pils, It's going to be a ducking nightmare.
Ill probably catch something from the endless snogging.
I'm seriously considering the fake cold sore.
Or just telling them I've a cold or a bug so "better not kiss you"

Ledkr... Best of luck with that!

I have a lump on the back of my head (it hurts so much I can't brush my hair without wincing). What happened was I'd already endured a 'hello' kiss from six family members and on the way out, my brother determinedly followed me to the door. I said, "Nice to see you, happy Christmas". He lunged for a kiss, I reeled backwards... and smacked my head into the wall.

I'm getting me a cattle-prod; that or a 'stun gun'!

What's wrong with kissing?

I reserve a kiss on the cheek for close family members and two quick kisses to everyone else.

If you want to stop the actual kissing, you can blow kisses around as soon as you get through the door.

Or have a cough fit as soon as they approach you.

Ill probably catch something from the endless snogging.

It's shaking hands that transmits diseases, so Ah!

This thread is so entertaining! I live overseas in an expat-type town so have friends from loads of different countries and cultures and kissing does seem to be the default. I don't really like it....it takes such a lot of time when you are expected to go around the whole room kissing everyone, some of whom you hardly know. A French friend once told me (when drunk) that she found me cold and unfeeling because I don't automatically kiss. I am NOT cold and unfeeling! I have a few close friends who I will happily hug and kiss when we meet or say goodbye because I love them and it feels natural to do so.

I have been advised to say I have a cold....but every time....?

But Neptune, how can you be "cold and unfeeling"? If kissing is the default, the thing you do with everyone even if you don't like them much, then isn't it a bit of a fake display of affection? That's part of the reason I'm not keen on it much.

This thread is my spiritual home.

Lweji nothing wrong with kissing unless it makes you il uncomfortable which it does many of us on here for whatever reason.

I don't really like being kissed or hugged except by close family & friends. Despite my family being quite tactile, it stops at hugging mostly, we don't go mad for kissing

I have no idea how I'd cope if I regularly saw people for whom kissing is normal.

I just tell everyone I have a cold and make a horrible phlegmy sound in my throat. If you do this EVERY time you see people, they will either think you are chronically ill and leave you alone or that you don't like to be kissed. It normally works but you get a hardened few that still try. So I have perfect a shoulder Death Grip and force them to rigidly air kiss me.

I LOATHE social kissing.

Oh, I am half-Irish and a Northerner.