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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have choke-slammed the people who rubbed money on my newborn son?

114 replies

puntasticusername · 22/12/2013 23:41

Another "unsolicited touching" thread, sorry.

I was in the pub today with DS2 (4 days old) (no no, I wasn't getting leathered, it was just the most convenient place to get a coffee and to feed and settle him out of the cold).

As we went to leave, I wheeled him past a table full of people who were, er, full of Christmas spirit and desperate to have a look at him in his pram.

I didn't mind that at all, so I stopped the pram and started answering re name, birth weight, did he give me a rough time etc.

Then, to my surprise, two of them whipped out their wallets and started digging around for loose change. They each produced a 20p piece and said it's a Scottish custom to rub a coin on the new baby and leave it tucked into his clothing somewhere. It brings good luck. I didn't mind, did I?

At this point all I could think was "I've never ever heard of that custom but Omg, surely coins are some of the least hygienic things you could possibly contrive to rub on a new baby", and I didn't quite manage to construct the polite refusal that I ideally would have liked. So they went ahead and rubbed the coins on his cheek. Then we left, with their boozy good wishes ringing in our ears.

One of them was very pleased that he managed to get DS to "hold" his coin himself, by tucking it in his coat sleeve, but the other (a woman) gave her coin to me and said aside "obviously it would actually be very silly to leave a coin inside a baby's clothes...you will take that other one out as soon as you get out of here won't you...Ok, good".

So...just on the basis that I felt instinctively uncomfortable with this unfamiliar ritual, I do rather wish I'd come up with some way of firmly putting them off, though without being rude to them...but based on other threads on here lately I'm now starting to feel that I really should have been as "forthright" as was necessary to persuade them to desist. But they were so nice, and so genuinely pleased to see my baby - and are they that likely to have done him any harm whatsoever, really? I was rather touched by the joy they took in a child they didn't know and who means nothing to them, but who they wanted to celebrate simply for being born.

(I do wish it to be noted that I did not go overboard re the hygiene aspect, and I refrained from rubbing his little cheek raw with a wet wipe as soon as we were out of sight. I Let It Go).

WIBU to let them do the weird money thing - was it pleasant and harmless, or have I actually kind of let my son down a bit by not protecting him from such random acts by strangers? I don't know, and quite possibly I'm just vastly over thinking the whole thing as I'm a hormonal new mum.

OP posts:
RedLondonBus · 22/12/2013 23:43

Tomorrow's a new day.... Just leave it and move on

pigletmania · 22/12/2013 23:44

Yabvu chill it's not going to harm him

SantanaLopez · 22/12/2013 23:45

It's not normal to rub, is it? People just slipped the money into the pram here.

But honestly, calm down. It's not worth all those paragraphs. Wait until he licks the floor.

RedLondonBus · 22/12/2013 23:45

What is choke slam?

VivaLeBeaver · 22/12/2013 23:45

I think it was rather nice.

A coin touching his cheek really won't harm him.

AdmiralData · 22/12/2013 23:47

Poor OP - I had a similar situation when my DS(9 months) was two weeks old I was in my local town with baby in his pram when a woman who was pissed as a fart and reeking of booze and stale fags started rubbing his hands. I wanted to rip her fucking arm off. I am somewhat calmer now so put it down to hormones back then but really speaking I don't think ywbu, my colleagues were all vying to put silver in DS pram for luck :)

AnitaManeater · 22/12/2013 23:47

Someone did this to my DS when he was newborn, complete stranger tucked a 50p in his hand. It's supposed to be good luck or something.

I'm glad you didn't throat punch them. Some people just love making a fuss of new mums and babies and although a bit odd it's well meant.

Slatecross · 22/12/2013 23:47

YANBU. You're 4 days post partum. At the same point I was insisting on putting everything that would fit, into an autoclave. I'd have freaked out massively.

OOAOML · 22/12/2013 23:47

I didn't have anyone rub money on my babies, but I did get money tucked into the pram or given to me for them a few times.

Salmotrutta · 22/12/2013 23:48

It's fine and it is a Scottish custom to give money to a new baby - it's for luck.

Devora · 22/12/2013 23:49

They meant to be kind. Your baby came to no harm. Take a deep breath and move on.

Congratulations, by the way Smile

LessMissAbs · 22/12/2013 23:50

I ran a nice little earner as a small child in Scotland and it was worth any amount of fond kisses by whiskery types, so money rubbing doesn't sound that bad. They sound drunk and a bit annoying, but harmless.

Whats a choke-slam? Is it a kind of twerk?

RobinSparkles · 22/12/2013 23:51

Bastards! How dare they? Won't someone think of the children. You should have shot them all!

Seriously, you're being daft. If you're that worried about germs then don't take a 4 day old out!

WilsonFrickett · 22/12/2013 23:53

It is a Scottish custom. (Although not a city one, I found out a while back that my DM had topped her fag budget up for ages when I'd let her take DS out for walks etc in my home town!)

I have to say though, I wouldnt rub money on a baby's cheek, I'd do it on their (clothed) shoulder the tuck the money right up under their pillow.

WooWooOwl · 22/12/2013 23:54

It's the sort of thing that feels horrific at a time when you have just given birth and are caring for your newborn baby, but that will seem lovely when you look back on the memory in years to come.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/12/2013 23:54

Aww they meant to be kind, and I think it is a lovely custom.

You are 4-days post birth, which is always hard. My personal recommendation is that tomorrow (day 5) you don't go anywhere much - the hormones could be pretty bad and you'll be happier at home. Congratulations :)

IThinkThat · 22/12/2013 23:54

Congrats on DS2 Thanks. Very impressed that you are out and about so soon - and that you managed to type such a long OP Grin. I could barely manage to make myself a cup of tea.

The coin thing is a bit Confused but it wouldn't bother me. You were in a pub so it's not too suprising to come across some merry customers. I would have either said no or said yes and wet wiped your DS's cheek. I think it was meant with good intentions. I still find brand new babies amazing and can be quite taken when I see one.

So, YABU (but it's totally understandable and forgivable). Next time just say no if you don want someone to do something Grin

Maybe stick to Starbucks next time.

BrianTheMole · 22/12/2013 23:56

Meh. Take the money out and chill.

Caitlin17 · 22/12/2013 23:57

Tis true it is a Scottish custom, although not heard about the rubbing the coins. Can't see it week have done any harm.

BerniceBroadside · 22/12/2013 23:59

Next time try a Chinese restaurant. It's apparently tradition to give gold, so we got an awful lot of one and two pound coins.

BackforGood · 23/12/2013 00:03

I have no idea what a choke slam is, so can't answer if you are BU at all, but, if you felt the baby was old / well developed enough to be out in public, then the baby was old enough to be the lucky recipient of some good luck coins.
I rather liked the tradition of giving silver to a newborn, when dc1 was little, tbh Wink

IThinkThat · 23/12/2013 00:05

CHOKESLAM

SoonToBeSix · 23/12/2013 00:07

Yabu, ungrateful and precious but you have a new baby so it's forgivable.

PenelopePipPop · 23/12/2013 00:10

Congratulations on your lovely baby!

The reason some people on here have issues with unsolicited touching is that their children don't like it. Often they have ASD and cannot say for 'Please don't do that' for themselves. Or worse find touching so frightening they actively withdraw. In these situations if the parent says nothing the toucher will never know they have caused distress.

In lots of societies touching is very normal, and I assume there either parents of children with ASD get Very Assertive very quickly, or the children themselves learn avoidance/defensive strategies to cope.

In our society touching is atypical. We usually politely tolerate it. So we don't have any conventions for dealing with atypical touchers. I'm atypically touchy-feely for the UK (and gushy over babies), but I'd never touch a child or adult I didn't know. And I'm very supportive of parents who want to advocate for their children but who also find that hard. It obviously isn't easy to do but they are right.

Newborns all have sensory processing issues - so as a parent you have to learn to say 'He's had enough cuddles now, he needs some quiet' etc quite quickly. So if your son was distressed YWNBU.

But this wasn't like that. Your son wasn't distressed. He wasn't being harmed. The strangers were congratulating you because having a baby is really really wonderful, and you and your son are wonderful. It is a precious, scary, fragile, demanding time which is why people get emotional about it whether they are, want to be there or remember being there.

But yeah, you can't overthink anything or be unreasonable when you are four days postpartum. It is open season. I cried for an hour when DH got pasta sauce on DD's baby-gro one evening. And she wasn't wearing it at the time.

Primafacie · 23/12/2013 00:14

Hmm. I once read that there are competitions where guys try to insert the maximum number of pennies/10p/20p under their foreskin. Ever since, I have viewed coins with disgust and utter suspicion, often thinking where they may have been before they get handed to me. So I would have to say YANBU.

All of you saying 'it's a Scottish tradition, your baby came to no harm' - isn't life expectancy much shorter in Scotland? ;)