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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have choke-slammed the people who rubbed money on my newborn son?

114 replies

puntasticusername · 22/12/2013 23:41

Another "unsolicited touching" thread, sorry.

I was in the pub today with DS2 (4 days old) (no no, I wasn't getting leathered, it was just the most convenient place to get a coffee and to feed and settle him out of the cold).

As we went to leave, I wheeled him past a table full of people who were, er, full of Christmas spirit and desperate to have a look at him in his pram.

I didn't mind that at all, so I stopped the pram and started answering re name, birth weight, did he give me a rough time etc.

Then, to my surprise, two of them whipped out their wallets and started digging around for loose change. They each produced a 20p piece and said it's a Scottish custom to rub a coin on the new baby and leave it tucked into his clothing somewhere. It brings good luck. I didn't mind, did I?

At this point all I could think was "I've never ever heard of that custom but Omg, surely coins are some of the least hygienic things you could possibly contrive to rub on a new baby", and I didn't quite manage to construct the polite refusal that I ideally would have liked. So they went ahead and rubbed the coins on his cheek. Then we left, with their boozy good wishes ringing in our ears.

One of them was very pleased that he managed to get DS to "hold" his coin himself, by tucking it in his coat sleeve, but the other (a woman) gave her coin to me and said aside "obviously it would actually be very silly to leave a coin inside a baby's clothes...you will take that other one out as soon as you get out of here won't you...Ok, good".

So...just on the basis that I felt instinctively uncomfortable with this unfamiliar ritual, I do rather wish I'd come up with some way of firmly putting them off, though without being rude to them...but based on other threads on here lately I'm now starting to feel that I really should have been as "forthright" as was necessary to persuade them to desist. But they were so nice, and so genuinely pleased to see my baby - and are they that likely to have done him any harm whatsoever, really? I was rather touched by the joy they took in a child they didn't know and who means nothing to them, but who they wanted to celebrate simply for being born.

(I do wish it to be noted that I did not go overboard re the hygiene aspect, and I refrained from rubbing his little cheek raw with a wet wipe as soon as we were out of sight. I Let It Go).

WIBU to let them do the weird money thing - was it pleasant and harmless, or have I actually kind of let my son down a bit by not protecting him from such random acts by strangers? I don't know, and quite possibly I'm just vastly over thinking the whole thing as I'm a hormonal new mum.

OP posts:
ChatNicknameUnavailable · 23/12/2013 00:15

Both df's and my nan were insistent on 'crossing the baby's palm' with silver when dc1 was born. I'd never heard of it before but didn't say anything...it's a nice gesture really but when you have a newborn I can imagine you'd not be happy. I agree with a pp that it may be a nice memory eventually.

FannyFifer · 23/12/2013 00:17

Not sure about the rubbing but putting a silver coin in pram or in a newborn babies hand is pretty common in Scotland, particularly with the older generation.
It's good luck.

DIddled · 23/12/2013 00:18

I think they call it crossing his palms with silver here- and they would put two 50p into his hand. Loads of people did it to my DS- he is now 15.

I think you are quite soon after birth and therefore it's quite understandable to feel like this. We never left the house for a couple of weeks - (Nov birth and it was damned cold) plus he was prem.

Congrats xx

FannyFifer · 23/12/2013 00:19

Joking about lower life expectancy in Scotland is not funny in any context.

MissWinter01 · 23/12/2013 00:19

It is a Scottish tradition. My DD was richer than me when she was first born.

I understand how you feel but it's only a coin. They are exposed to much worse.

SantaisnearlyhereIhavebeengood · 23/12/2013 00:19

Its custom here as well at least with the older generation. It is generally a pound and they like to put it in the babies hand for luck.

once a distant friend of my mil bumped into us in town (recognised my oh) she wanted to give dd a pound for luck but didn't have one she kept appoligising despite us saying honestly its fine. she was a little upset about and wanted to go and get change. which of course we said not to bother doing her friend lent her a pound in the end.

i remember visiting Glasgow and having strangers give my children money especially on buses. i always thought it was kind.

we could all use a little Luck

ChatNicknameUnavailable · 23/12/2013 00:19

What?

MissWinter01 · 23/12/2013 00:23

Primafacie is your real name Katie Hopkins?

williaminajetfighter · 23/12/2013 00:24

I think it's a lovely gesture and a nice custom. I too just had a baby 6 weeks old - and have been approached by many doing the same.

The thing is you can't really control which members of the public will approach you but tbh a coin is not going to be the source of disease.

MrsMook · 23/12/2013 00:28

It's traditional in Ireland too. My neighbour crossed DS2's palm with silver when she met him.

Don't worry about it they meant kindly.

4 days after is a strange time for the hormones. That was when the random crying hit me, and the only place I was going was home from hospital.

songlark · 23/12/2013 00:28

This is the kind of thing to expect if you go in a pub or anywhere where alcohol is involved.

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 23/12/2013 00:47

I have had that, too, unexpectedly, but I knew the lady in question, so I was polite and thanked her and then used anti-bac handwash on the Baby's hands. Not Scottish here, though.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 23/12/2013 01:07

You don't rub coins on a newborns cheek for luck! You rub banknotes on those cherubby chops! If someone did that with a tenner you'd be on here crowing wouldn't you op? It'd be "Aibu to have dry humped these dead nice scottish people for being sooo generous?" :o

Only kidding op. Don't worry you'll have much bigger fish to fry at some point. Soon there will be shoe licking. Toe nail chomping. Nose picking. Bum scratching. Supping condensation off the car window...

Robfordscrack · 23/12/2013 01:14

rather go to coffee shop next time? Drunk people are never fun when you're sober

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/12/2013 02:28

I can see why you're a bit Hmm but by the same token, you haven't done your baby a disservice by not fending them off. They meant well and were harmless.

Not being Scottish myself I was not aware of this custom so even as a casual observer of that scene I would probably be a bit Confused.

I wouldn't worry about it though really OP. Newborns melt pretty much everyone. 4 days old! I would probably let out an involuntarily "coo" if I saw (so broody).

Congratulations btw Thanks

JingleJemJem · 23/12/2013 02:38

I went out shopping with my baby when he was a few days old and couldn't believe how filthy everywhere and everyone was and that I had never noticed this before! If someone had touched him I would probably have cried. It's those protective instincts kicking in and it's a positive thing, but time will give you a little more perspective.

Original poster
puntasticusername · 23/12/2013 03:17

Ah, I think Alis hits the nail on the head - DS is so utterly, visibly wonderful, who can help wanting to do nice things for him? He's certainly got me recruited to willing slave hood, including accommodating his very inexpert attempts to use me as a chew toy.

I'm glad now that I didn't say anything. They were such nice people and I did love that they took such an interest in DS, it was just so ODD Smile

Agree with whoever said the place to hit up next is the Chinese restaurant. Liking your style...

Thanks, all!

OP posts:
DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 23/12/2013 03:23

"Whats a choke-slam? Is it a kind of twerk?"

I am finding this very very funny Less

EdithWeston · 23/12/2013 03:37

I've no idea why a "choke slam" is either, but hope it's not as unpleasnantly aggressive as it comes across inthe thread title (something I expect wasn't the OP's actual intention, just a drafting error).

I've been seriously humbled by a person, who I knew was living in a local hostel, who saw (new) DD when I was at a bus stop, and insisted on giving her a coin for luck. I knew this person couldn't remotely afford it, but they insisted as it was, to them, the right thing to do. I'll never forget that.

Kytti · 23/12/2013 03:39

A couple of people gave my dd coins in her pram when she was a baby. they did just rub it on the back of her hand though. I kinda thought it was cute.

Original poster
puntasticusername · 23/12/2013 04:19

Oh Edith that's lovely! I can blame the hormones for making me cry a tiny bit at that, can't I?

Have just finished feeding DS so can sit and smell his head for a bit now in order to recover.

OP posts:
DolomitesDonkey · 23/12/2013 05:06

Do you know what? For a new mother of a 4 day old I think you handled it BRILLIANTLY with all those hormones flying around, being out and about and all the rest of it. :)

Yes, totally and utterly normal north of the border. Especially when they're pissed.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Gullygirl · 23/12/2013 05:37

When DD was born in the 80's, we lived in Edinburgh.I remember loads of strangers doing this. She ended up with well over £50, which was a lot of money then.

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2013 05:41

What is choke slam?

Something that sounds a whole lot worse than giving a baby a coin!

Slatecross · 23/12/2013 06:35

I know this is off the subject but if you're day 5 today, do look after yourself! I cried solidly, starting in day 5, for about 3 days with all of mine. It's just hormones so if it happens, don't worry! Big congratulations. Bit jealous of sitting sniffing his head! Lovely times ahead for you OP! X x