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AIBU?

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Original poster

to tell DH these presents came from Santa?

106 replies

CeQueLEnfer · 22/12/2013 03:43

Dh has been such a dick over DC's Christmas presents. He has vetoed every single suggestion I have made for DS ('too expensive', 'too babyish', 'he has one similar to that already', 'I don't want him playing with something like that', etc). He wants to get him a remote control car. Fine. But I want to get him something else as well. I bought him a wrestling set (which was on his Santa list) and DH went mad at me as he doesn't want him having wrestlers and it was expensive, so I told DH I was taking them back.

Also for DD, it's her first Christmas. I made a few suggestions of things I would like to buy and he said "No, I want to get her presents. I have been looking forward to that." I know for a fact he hasn't bought her anything.

He is always the same, over everything, actually. He just reflexively says 'No' to everything. In fact, it's so bad, I nicknamed him 'Monsieur Non'. It drives me mad. It's not just over money, he is always saying "No we don't", "No, that's not right." I don't know why. Take last night, he insisted we don't have a garlic press. We bloody do. I went and got it and threw it at him. I told him someone had put a new collar on our cat. "No they didn't." I had to get our childminder to back me up. It's ridiculous!

Money is very tight for us at the moment so I am doing a part-time job in the evenings to get a bit of extra money for Christmas. So actually - unbeknown to DH - I have bought the DC a few Christmas presents and have stashed them at work. But I want to teach DH a lesson. On Christmas Eve when we traditionally put the presents under the tree, there won't be anything, except for this bloody remote control car. Nothing else for DS. And nothing for DD.

Do you think when he sees the empty space under the tree he will realise what a dick he's been?

Anyway, in the middle of the night, I plan to sneak out of the house and return - like Santa - with all the presents I have bought and put them under the tree... then just feign ignorance and say, "They must have come from Santa!!".

Immature I know, but I don't want the kids missing out and I'm fed up with Monsieur Non spoiling everything. And - more than anything - I want him to realise how miserable his behaviour is.

Sorry for rambling.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 05:59

Sorry, solitude but those situations do not sound especially similar to me.
I think there's a lot in the op that you're not seeing.
Did your DF prevent your DM from buying something because he wanted the pleasure of it?
Was he disagreeable about everything? Or just worried about money?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 06:01

Love the idea of remote control car for dh though (if it's affordable. I too have my thrifty side) because then he can join in and play with ds.

SolitudeSometimesIs · 22/12/2013 06:11

Dad is disagreeable about everything, 99% of my Dad's sentances start with ""No...", it's a pain in the arse.

My Dad would have wanted to be involved in gift buying and decisions about gifts (he still does), but he lacks motivation so would never get around to it until the last minute if he even did it at all. He can't get himself organised to do something when he really has no interest in it.

OP's DH might not be like my DF in all respects though.

Original poster
CeQueLEnfer · 22/12/2013 06:33

That all sounds familiar Grin. But what can I do about it? People don't really change... do they?

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 22/12/2013 06:35

Ten years from now you will have either divorced him or killed him. The constant negativity and passivity will wear you down. A bit of fun or joyfulness now and again will not be part of your family life.

I think you should leave the empty tree for him to see and hopefully be ashamed of himself about. Of course you then have to rescue the situation for your children. It is a brilliant idea.

The next time he is negative about something you suggest just ask him "what is your suggestion then?" or "what have you done about this ?" Always bounce it back.

Original poster
CeQueLEnfer · 22/12/2013 06:40

I think you should leave the empty tree for him to see and hopefully be ashamed of himself about. Of course you then have to rescue the situation for your children. It is a brilliant idea.

Thanks. I want to do this. I want him to see the repurcussions of his negativity. But... where am I going to hide the presents? I am tempted to leave them at work then go out at 4am with the baby and pick them up, but that's ridiculous, isn't it?

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 06:46

Are you able to get up then?
Without waking dh?

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/12/2013 06:47

Loving Falcon's suggestion.

But seriously, I couldn't live with someone so relentlessly negative. And I would not lower myself to game playing.

I would do the presents under the tree as per normal and if he says anything just ask whether he wants his children to have no presents on christmas morning.

LittleBearPad · 22/12/2013 06:47

Can't you leave them in the boot of the car.

JeanSeberg · 22/12/2013 06:47

Yes it is ridiculous and it's a sign of how much he's worn you down that you're even prepared to consider it.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 06:48

How far away is your office?
Do you have night tme access?
Are you used to being awake/ driving at night?

I love a crazy plan. But it needs.... Planning.

BeaWheesht · 22/12/2013 06:52

I'd do it. My dh is quite similar, he never used to be, it drives me round the twist.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 06:52

Good question littlebearpad

BeaWheesht · 22/12/2013 06:53

Oh I wouldn't go out with the baby though, why can't you leave her at home? Do you have a shed / car / garage?

Original poster
CeQueLEnfer · 22/12/2013 06:57

I could leave them in my car, but I think - as soon as the reality sets in that there are no presents under the tree - he would go straight to the car to see if I'd bought any.

I guess I am hoping that the empty tree will be a wake up call for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
CeQueLEnfer · 22/12/2013 06:58

Tiny house. No storage. No garage.

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 22/12/2013 07:00

Seriously, why should be you get up at 4am in the morning to teach him a lesson - its crazy.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 07:05

I could leave them in my car, but I think- as soon as the reality sets in that there are no presents under the tree - he would go straight to the car to see if I'd brought any
So?
You'd still have made your point without sacrificing valuable sleep.
Also, he may not check.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 07:06

Put the keys somewhere so he'd have to ask, rather than just help himself.

Original poster
CeQueLEnfer · 22/12/2013 07:11

Put the keys somewhere so he'd have to ask, rather than just help himself.

That's a great idea! There is also a spare, but I can hide that.

I know this all seems rather silly...

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 22/12/2013 07:41

Take a step back for a minute and look at the bigger picture.

Are you really prepared to live the rest of your life like this? Every future Christmas, birthday, special celebration? Because the answer really isn't hiding presents in the car or sneaking out of the house at 4am.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 07:50

I think you will still have made a point if you leave the presents in your car and take them out after he has seen the result of his actions.
JeamSeberg is right, sadly.
Is there a risk that he would see the empty tree and go to the car to look for gifts without acknowledging his contribution to the problem?
I think it's worth explaining it to him. That's why I think he hold have to ask for the keys because it would force the conversation.
I can see why you want to be holding a trump card here.

How old is your DD?

FannyFifer · 22/12/2013 07:51

This is honestly no way to be living. It's really not.

DottiestDoris · 22/12/2013 07:59

OP It sounds clear that you want to make a point to your dh about his negativity on this occasion. You know him best and how to do it, so do it (I'd go with hiding the car keys-great idea).
In your post you are explaining your actions by summing up what has annoyed you. There is clearly no reason to list all the great and wonderful things about your dh which are the reasons you are with him.
I think people should STOP making harsh and snap opinions about your dh when that is not what you asked. You clearly love him by your calm and unequivocal defense of him. Your situation cannot be judged by this quickly summarised scenario.
No relationship is perfect and everyone has their faults. You feel your husband us negative and you are simply asking how best to deal with the negativity in this situation so your dc enjoy their Christmas as much as possible.
Whatever you decide, I really hope it works and you have a fabulous family day

FacebookWanker · 22/12/2013 08:05

Dottiest you speak a lot of sense...

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