Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think my family should give my DS a Christmas present at Christmas? And me perhaps too?

64 replies

drspouse · 21/12/2013 22:55

This is my first AIBU so be gentle (she says, painting a target on herself).

DS birthday is in early Jan. He'll be 2. Family (DM & DF but they aren't a unit any more, brother, SIL, DNs) are all coming for New Year, we'll celebrate his birthday, my mum's birthday (same day as DS) and New Year together (daytime adult and child friendly event). Various friends also coming. Not expecting Christmas presents from friends, and have hinted not really expecting them at party either.

We've had a few wrapped presents and one set of unwrapped for DS birthday/Christmas through the post, from friends and other family. My DM had a single large present delivered but said "I'd really like to be there when he gets it" which is fair enough as it would have been a pain to bring and I get she wants to see him use it for the first time. She tells us frequently how annoying it is to have a birthday near Christmas as a child because people just used to give her joint presents.

We've had nothing arrive for him for Christmas from my DM, or DF, or brother & family. I've posted presents for them either wrapped or with Amazon gift wrapping.

My DM posted me a wrapped present and ordered something I suggested for DH, and asked me to wrap it. My DF and brother have sent me nothing, and my DH nothing (I don't think my brother has ever given him anything though, so we're not holding our breath on that).

Now, I have kept a few things back for when we see them (especially things that are hard to post) but AIBU to think that for a nearly 2 year old, it is nice to give them at least some of their presents for Christmas, at Christmas?

We were thinking we'd open all his presents on his birthday itself as otherwise he's going to wonder why he can't open things every single day (all my friends with DCs whose birthdays are around now are doing this, receive presents at party/when see friend, but open on birthday and then say thank you). I know that's our choice, but I'd really rather not several days' worth of present opening together for him, which is what it will be if they want to give him "Christmas" presents not on Christmas when they get to us, and also "Birthday" presents.

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 21/12/2013 23:06

You lost me a bit at the end but I think you are saying that if someone's birthday is near christmas they shouldn't end up getting just one big present. Yes I agree with you, whether its a child or an adult, its just not on. And BTW, most people only get this if their birthday is actually on Christmas day - extending it into New Year is even worse!

Original poster

drspouse · 21/12/2013 23:08

Sorry for the rambling!

I actually think that some of the family are bringing presents that are for Christmas, but assuming that it's OK to open them over a week later. Though I think others are just going for the single present.

OP posts:

RedLondonBus · 21/12/2013 23:22

Gosh you sound present obsessed! Does the sentiment behind present giving mean much to you?

SashaOfSiberia · 21/12/2013 23:41

I can understand what you're saying. I think that you can't be a particularly close family but I think you should talk to them, especially your parents.

It too late this year but maybe in few when some time has passed, thank them for presents but point outyour DS is starting to understand so for 2014 you are making a concerted effort to have Christmas and birthday separate and that you'd prefer they bought him 2 little things not a large joint present. I would then reiterate this as Christmas gets closer.

I'd probably just text my brother, saying having received anything from you for DH and I, not worried as am sure it will turn up soon all though unfortunate it will be after Xmas day but that you just wanted to check they had received presents from you. Although if I'm being completely honest I'd just be direct with my brother of failing that complain to my mum who would tell my brother to sort it out.

Hissy · 22/12/2013 00:00

Tbh, you are over thinking this.

Your DS will love the whole birthday/christmas blur!

My ds has his birthday just before christmas, so for him it's 2 weeks of presents as some arrive for the day. Others arrive between his birthday and christmas, people send him both christmas and birthday pressies in one box.

We spend half of December gradually dipping into the presents that arrive, saving some for the big day, but it's great!

Makes the whole experience last longer!

Shelby2010 · 22/12/2013 00:18

I think you ABU. I wouldn't post presents if I was seeing you in person the week after Christmas. Waste of money paying postage & would be relying on you to be in to receive the parcel or face the inconvenience of getting it redelivered. This would especially be the case with a small child who isn't going to notice there is no present from me on Christmas day, and probably wouldn't even take in the fact that it was from me if I didn't personally hand it to him.

I would give him one 'late' Christmas present to open when I next saw him (ie NYE) and another to be opened on his actual birthday.

Tapiocapearl · 22/12/2013 00:29

I wouldn't post presents either if I was seeing someone s week after Xmas. It's expensive and time wasting.

Can't see the problem with 2year old opening a few gifts Xmas day, a few New Years and some on his birthday. You could definitely try and save lots of gifts for his birthday.

Tapiocapearl · 22/12/2013 00:31

It's quite nice as a child to have gifts spread out over a couple of weeks.

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 06:51

Given the tantrums we've had over the Advent calendar, after he realised two days in that there was more of it, and then every day afterwards... No, just as he hasn't got to open Christmas presents before the 25th, he won't be opening any other presents before his birthday.

He would have 3 consecutive days of presents if we did that (day family arrive, day of party, day of birthday). And knowing him that would be enough to set up a demand for presents every day for about 6 months. He still says mournfully that the strawberries in the front garden are "all gone" 6 months later.

So perhaps it would be fun and exciting to have presents every day for 2 weeks, but it wouldn't be much fun for us when it finished. So we won't be doing that.

DHs elderly cousin posted two presents for DS even though we're seeing her on Boxing Day (she was originally coming for the party later but now we're going to her).

OP posts:

Turnipsandsproutswithtinselon · 22/12/2013 06:59

D's has a birthday close to Christmas and we celebrate it in October. Then he gets presents from immediate family on his actual birthday and spreads out the festivities. Also means he doesn't have to wait an entire year for all the toys to come at once.
Works for us

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 22/12/2013 07:00

We always have a late present opening with friends and family we get together with at a party we host a few days after Christmas. I like to see people's faces when they open their presents and they feel the same way, especially about DCs.

On Christmas day we open presents from people we aren't going to see over Christmas.

If people are buying presents and enjpy seeing DCs open them then it seems only fair to let them. Doesn't sit right to tell people what to do about presents.

Sirzy · 22/12/2013 07:07

If you are seeing relatives soon after Christmas it makes sense to bring the presents then. Why pay out of delivery when you don't need to?

As long as there are seperate birthday and Christmas presents (unless it's something very special) I can't see the issue at all tbh

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 07:13

And what if people want to give him presents before Christmas and see him open them? Or a month after his birthday? That seems a bit random.

Surely there are limits to letting people decide what happens with their presents? As I say all my other friends with DCs with birthdays near Christmas keep presents from party days, to open on the birthday itself. I thought that was fairly standard. That's what we'll be doing with anything that he's given on the day of the party.

I wouldn't have gone to my friend's DSs party and insisted he open his present there and then.

OP posts:

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/12/2013 07:13

I'm not quite sure what the issue is to be honest - I got a bit lost. But, my middle child has a boxing day birthday and nobody gives him a joint present. He has birthday cards and presents wrapped in birthday paper and a birthday cake. And I think that's nice.

DontCallMeDaughter · 22/12/2013 07:14

My family are all getting together the first weekend in Jan rather than on Christmas Day for various reasons. Dd's bday in early Jan too. We've had some Christmas presents in the post but we're taking ours to the event to give them out in person... I'd not even given it more thought than that... So if the plan isn't to open them till you're all together then I wouldn't expect people to mail them....

ShinyBlackNose · 22/12/2013 07:14

I've often thought that if I had DC with a birthday near Christmas I would celebrate their half birthday. So they could have a party etc and decent presents in June, then properly seperate Christmas presents. With just a token for their actual birthday. Celebrations could then be evenly spread. Am I making sense?

akachan · 22/12/2013 07:14

I'm seeing the in laws the first week of January and so have not posted presents. It'll be exciting to have extra things late won't it?

Sirzy · 22/12/2013 07:16

Does it matter when he gets the presents? Seriously you are over thinking it.

My dn had a birthday party the Friday before his birthday on the Monday, he opened his presents from the party on the Friday evening. Some other friends delivered their present on the Sunday so he opened it then when they were there.

People are being kind enough to buy your child presents, when he gets them as long as it's close to the event really doesn't matter at all does it?

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 07:19

I don't particularly find it exciting to have presents late, though I'm an adult. I particularly don't find it exciting to wonder if they've forgotten, or decided that even though they wouldn't expect to have a combined present! DS can put up with a combined present. I just find it anxious-making and annoying.

Perhaps I should have just hung on to my DNs' Santa pyjamas and my brother's Night Before Christmas book and given them those a week later as well?

OP posts:

tunnocksteacake · 22/12/2013 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 22/12/2013 07:21

Seriously your putting too much thought into the presents. They aren't the be all and end all of a nice Christmas/birthday!

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 07:25

Sirzy, I am thinking I perhaps won't bother doing presents next year, actually. Maybe for birthdays instead.

In fact since my mum complained she didn't get a separate birthday present last year (we didn't see them at all so I posted it. Wrapped in birthday paper, with a tag saying Happy Birthday), maybe I'll just send birthday presents instead.

(Just noticed the ipad is putting random exclamation marks in the middle of things. So perhaps I do look a bit more excited than I meant to, as well)

OP posts:

octopusinasantasack · 22/12/2013 07:26

At two he won't care if he has less presents on Xmas day and some later, just go with whatever is easier for you.

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 07:32

octopus Easiest for us is avoiding tantrums when there are no new presents the day after his birthday, so it will be all on his birthday, none after Christmas but before that.

OP posts:

Hissy · 22/12/2013 07:39

Jesus christ woman, you're hard work eh?

Explain about thé advent, but if he wants to open a present outside the 24 hour slot it appears to allocated for, let him!

Ok so it's not done to open presents at birthday parties, this is purely so you keep the 'From Uncle Monty' bit intact so you know who to thank!

If it's a home party then it's manageable to open then there and then.

Stop trying to control everything to the nth degree. You can't.

If so and so forgets, is too busy to get the parcel posted so it's late, so what, it's not a measure of value for your child, it's a gift, it's not compulsory. Relax and chill out a bit.

You'll end up killing all the fun of the random presents popping up, which for kids, is the best bit.

I remember my son once about a week after christmas suddenly said, shall we open more presents now, because he thought it must have been an ongoing routine.

There may have been tears, can't remember, but you get past it and it's fine.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread