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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my family should give my DS a Christmas present at Christmas? And me perhaps too?

64 replies

drspouse · 21/12/2013 22:55

This is my first AIBU so be gentle (she says, painting a target on herself).

DS birthday is in early Jan. He'll be 2. Family (DM & DF but they aren't a unit any more, brother, SIL, DNs) are all coming for New Year, we'll celebrate his birthday, my mum's birthday (same day as DS) and New Year together (daytime adult and child friendly event). Various friends also coming. Not expecting Christmas presents from friends, and have hinted not really expecting them at party either.

We've had a few wrapped presents and one set of unwrapped for DS birthday/Christmas through the post, from friends and other family. My DM had a single large present delivered but said "I'd really like to be there when he gets it" which is fair enough as it would have been a pain to bring and I get she wants to see him use it for the first time. She tells us frequently how annoying it is to have a birthday near Christmas as a child because people just used to give her joint presents.

We've had nothing arrive for him for Christmas from my DM, or DF, or brother & family. I've posted presents for them either wrapped or with Amazon gift wrapping.

My DM posted me a wrapped present and ordered something I suggested for DH, and asked me to wrap it. My DF and brother have sent me nothing, and my DH nothing (I don't think my brother has ever given him anything though, so we're not holding our breath on that).

Now, I have kept a few things back for when we see them (especially things that are hard to post) but AIBU to think that for a nearly 2 year old, it is nice to give them at least some of their presents for Christmas, at Christmas?

We were thinking we'd open all his presents on his birthday itself as otherwise he's going to wonder why he can't open things every single day (all my friends with DCs whose birthdays are around now are doing this, receive presents at party/when see friend, but open on birthday and then say thank you). I know that's our choice, but I'd really rather not several days' worth of present opening together for him, which is what it will be if they want to give him "Christmas" presents not on Christmas when they get to us, and also "Birthday" presents.

OP posts:

pictish · 22/12/2013 07:42

Ach look - you are making a mountain out of a molehill here. Far too much onus on the presents, and when he gets them.
None of that shit matters. In fact - we have a relative coming along today to give our ds2 his birthday present, even though his birthday was a few days ago. His grandpa also turned up a few days early with his present, as he was otherwise engaged closer to the time. So ds2 opened Grandpa's present early.

Why are you so bothered about this?

pictish · 22/12/2013 07:51

Oh...and my son had his birthday party six datys before his actual birthday because of the whole Christmas timing thing...I brought it foward so that his classmates wouldn't be too busy with Christmas stuff to attend. I let him open those presents on the day of the party. He had great fun playing with those things for 6 days before he got his big present from us on his actual birthday.
I cannot see what you have your knickers in a knot about at all!

pictish · 22/12/2013 07:53

My son was 6 btw and loved it all. Yours is about to be 2, and will care about the timings even less than mine, who didn't care a jot.

3bunnies · 22/12/2013 07:57

Unfortunately 2yr olds will tantrum about any random thing - he could just as easily tantrum because he doesn't want to open the next present and just play with the 50p bath toy all day. We don't send presents if we know that we will see people within a week. It is nice (usually) for the giver to see them open the present as especially at that age they find it harder to associate the present with the concept of their uncle than with the smiling face of their uncle. except when dd turns around and asks why on earth they thought she would like it when she was 3

We would also open the presents after the party, it's not easy to explain why having seen the present they have to wait another day. It also helps to separate friends' presents from family ones. The tantrum phase doesn't last for ever and often it disappears once they realise that despite the tantrums they aren't getting their own way. If you keep changing the environment to avoid tantrums then they don't learn those lessons then get a big shock at preschool/school when they are expected to fit in with the school rather than the other way around.

BohemianGirl · 22/12/2013 08:09

He's 2, he doesnt know its Christmas, or what a birthday is. Massive issues over nothing.

pantsjustpants · 22/12/2013 08:23

Yes, I'm with Bohemiangirl, he really won't care!

My ds is 2 on New Years Day and we have a party 10 days later. So far he's never been given a combined present, I would like that tbh. Some people have ignored his birthday, that's their perogative.

We have a large extended family as was just discussing last night how half the fun is seeing the kids unwrap their presents, so unless I have to I won't be just dropping parcels off. Yes it means constant present opening for a week or so, but I prefer that to doing it all at once when it just turns into a frenzy of unwrapping but not appreciating.

pantsjustpants · 22/12/2013 08:24

Wouldn't like a combined present...

firesidechat · 22/12/2013 08:37

My nephew has a birthday on New Years Day and we visit some time over the Christmas/New Year period. He has therefore had birthday and Christmas presents on fairly random days for the 13+ years since he's been born. He coped fine and so will your son. Trying to stop a 2 year old having a tantrum is like trying to hold back the sea, so don't try.

I'm love presents too, but I think you're concentrating far, far too much on the gifts. You can't control whether people post presents or when they give them, just be thankful for them.

firesidechat · 22/12/2013 08:43

Oh and we have never combined a present - he gets a Christmas one and a birthday one.

LCHammer · 22/12/2013 08:52

I understand your son is 2. But you? Honestly, enjoy your family and stop obsessing about the exact timing of presents.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 22/12/2013 09:02

It isn't up to you to dictate to others what to do about presents, it really isn't. It's plain rude.

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:37

It is rude.

Jims · 22/12/2013 09:44

We always save presents to be opened when the giver is there. I like the fact that it spreads christmas out. Last year ds1 (then 2.5) wanted to play with every new thing when he opened it so he only made it through about 3 presents on the day itself so he had more the next day. I thought it was quite nice that way. And I suspect it won't last once he gets older and just wants to know what is in all of his presents!

Joysmum · 22/12/2013 10:00

Ditto everyone else, it's no big deal. Our big day is actually on Boxing Day when all the family come to us. Dd opens our presents on Christmas Day, but the family brings theirs with them on Boxing Day so she get 2 christmas's!

As for joint presents. I have spoken to my step brother about this as I really want to get him something he wanted but couldn't do for himself so I checked to see if it were ok. He was delighted at the idea. I think the key is in knowing the person. Would like like one bigger thing or 2 smaller things.

NurseRoscoe · 22/12/2013 10:14

Every other AIBU is about bloody presents at the moment! You and your DH get him presents for his birthday and Christmas to open on the respective days and let anyone else give presents if they want to or not if they don't/can't afford to etc. people seem to fail I understand that gift giving isn't compulsory!

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it's my opinion. At two years old he's not really going to understand the difference between Christmas and birthday, opening presents every day for a few days won't be something he remembers for long (do you remember being two?) as long as people are acknowledging his birthday by phoning/visiting/sending a card or whatever stop stressing about presents and whether they are wrapped or not and just enjoy the days, that's what your son will be doing he won't notice or care who got him a present and who didn't

Helpyourself · 22/12/2013 10:34

He's two, he won't care. You care too much
Really. Get a grip and don't be so grabby. You'll moan when your son wants too much, but if he does it's because you're bringing him up to keep track of who's got what and when and that's no way to live.

poocatcherchampion · 22/12/2013 13:43

blimey I have never given even a fraction of this much thought to this and my birthday is within a week of xmas too.

presents are just nice to have and open aren't they?

2yos have tantrums and eventually learn. and thats it, isnt it?

verytellytubby · 22/12/2013 14:02

He's 2. I think you need to chill out.

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 14:07

OK so now I'm curious.

What is the cutoff for presents before/after Christmas before it gets ridiculous and they are no longer Christmas presents?

And how far away from Christmas does my DS' birthday need to be for it not to be OK to bring all his presents at the same time? (I think most people are agreed that he should get different presents). Can I do this for my brother, end of Jan? Is my mother BU to get mixed up if she gets them together (same day as DS)?

If my mum comes to visit in November and brings a Christmas present is she allowed to ask that he opens it with her there? What about February, is that too late? Can I insist that my brother opens his birthday present in early Jan or am (like I did with the DN's Christmas presents, and which I assumed was normal) only allowed to give a present and then apply no further rules, other than a thank you?

Anyway you all clearly missed the bits where I said "he still says the strawberries in the front garden are 'all gone', when they finished in June" and "he had a tantrum because he couldn't open the advent calendar the second we got downstairs on Dec 3rd".

So, owing to the fact that I know my DS has an annoyingly good memory, we'll be opening everything for him on his birthday, my mum can open her birthday presents then too, and since she doesn't have an annoyingly good memory, this will save her complaining she didn't get separate presents.

And I've just had a lovely passive aggressive thought which is that the day family arrive, DH is working and will arrive home at DS' bedtime. So no present opening for DS that day, adults and older children can open anything spare later that evening. Next day will be the party so no time, and then it's his birthday. Sorted.

So having got that great passive aggression planned, I'm happy now!

OP posts:

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 14:10

I think it's fine to wait a week for some family presents as they already have santas presents etc on the day.

I don't post presents, I leave them with MIL for when DNs visit and other family do likewise.

When I was a nipper the main event was the stocking and it is nice to have some more things to look forward to.

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 14:11

Erm, I think you are getting in a tis was over this one for nothing.

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 14:14

And your passive aggressive plan is really confusing me!

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 14:16

Oh, I'm fine now - at least, I'm fine unless of course they do think it's OK not to give him a Christmas present at all.

I do object to being told what to do with presents after we've been given them. I didn't tell my DNs to wait till Christmas Eve to open their Santa PJs. And they didn't, even though I assumed they would, but they are now their presents.

OP posts:

Original poster

drspouse · 22/12/2013 14:17

Harold what I mean is that, because we'd rather keep present opening to a single extra day (his birthday), we now have a really good excuse not to do it the minute they arrive - which is that DH won't be there, and it would be nice if he was.

OP posts:

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 22/12/2013 14:19

Goodness gracious, that all sounds like you are way overthinking things.

Blimey.

I am possibly a dreadful person, have sent a combined Christmas/Birthday present to godchild, as I could buy something bigger and better that way. Unwrapped ( did not see a wrapping option on the site).

I am so dead if you are my SIL....

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