to think my family should give my DS a Christmas present at Christmas? And me perhaps too?

[drspouse]

This is my first AIBU so be gentle (she says, painting a target on herself).

DS birthday is in early Jan. He'll be 2. Family (DM & DF but they aren't a unit any more, brother, SIL, DNs) are all coming for New Year, we'll celebrate his birthday, my mum's birthday (same day as DS) and New Year together (daytime adult and child friendly event). Various friends also coming. Not expecting Christmas presents from friends, and have hinted not really expecting them at party either.

We've had a few wrapped presents and one set of unwrapped for DS birthday/Christmas through the post, from friends and other family. My DM had a single large present delivered but said "I'd really like to be there when he gets it" which is fair enough as it would have been a pain to bring and I get she wants to see him use it for the first time. She tells us frequently how annoying it is to have a birthday near Christmas as a child because people just used to give her joint presents.

We've had nothing arrive for him for Christmas from my DM, or DF, or brother & family. I've posted presents for them either wrapped or with Amazon gift wrapping.

My DM posted me a wrapped present and ordered something I suggested for DH, and asked me to wrap it. My DF and brother have sent me nothing, and my DH nothing (I don't think my brother has ever given him anything though, so we're not holding our breath on that).

Now, I have kept a few things back for when we see them (especially things that are hard to post) but AIBU to think that for a nearly 2 year old, it is nice to give them at least some of their presents for Christmas, at Christmas?

We were thinking we'd open all his presents on his birthday itself as otherwise he's going to wonder why he can't open things every single day (all my friends with DCs whose birthdays are around now are doing this, receive presents at party/when see friend, but open on birthday and then say thank you). I know that's our choice, but I'd really rather not several days' worth of present opening together for him, which is what it will be if they want to give him "Christmas" presents not on Christmas when they get to us, and also "Birthday" presents.

Well that's not passive aggressive that's a perfectly normal thing!

Honestly don't worry about the nitty gritty so much,

Please get a grip of yourself and learn to manage your toddlers tantrums.

OMG

What a palaver about nothing.

I gave someone gifts in August that were for their November birthday and Christmas. Their mum hid them. On their birthday they opened the gift and at Christmas they will open the Christmas presents. If they opened any early or late it really would not matter. They are still a birthday and Christmas gift.

Several years we have opened Christmas presents on boxing day. The sky didn't fall in.

All 2 year olds have tantrums. You need to learn to deal with them rather than trying to stop them happening.

Saying you will say not to bother with Christmas presents next year just sounds like you are in the one having the tantrum.

The suggestion to text your brother and say you haven't received anything but not to worry as you are sure you will soon is PA and utterly ridiculous.

Ds1 has his birthday today (3 days before Xmas). If he has his party a week or two before his actual birthday he opens presents from friends coming to party after his party. Other presents on his birthday and then Xmas presents at Xmas. If we go and see family for Xmas then he opens thier present when they give it to him as saves them posting it ( although often they order through amazon and get it delivered here )

I don't think any of us missed your posts about the tantrum your child had over the strawberries' and the advent calendar. We knew it was a non event twice over. You can buy strawberries' all the time and your child will have to learn PDQ that sometimes you have to wait for things.

How old are you as PA behaviour is rather pathetic.

I agree that you are being rudidiculous about your DS having a tantrum, manage it when it happens, don't avoid it.

My middle DD has a December Birthday, because of this I leave putting the decorations up until afterwards, so she felt as though she had, had a Birthday.

I agree it's rubbish having Dec/Jan Birthdays, but you have to get on with it.

If your DB and DF doesn't want to do present buying for you and DH, respect that, they are actually visiting you, which is more important.

This year it doesn't matter, but decide for in the future how if the gift is going to be a combined present and teach your DS the value of that, he may have a token gift only on with Christmas or BDay. When my DDs have wanted something expensive this is what they have decided on.

Think about taking down the Decorations in the future, perhaps, so he has Birthday Balloons and Banners etc.

This is the most oddest and rambling post I've read in ages!!!! The child is two! (sorry OP a lot worse to come!) have a lovely xmas xx

"If my mum comes to visit in November and brings a Christmas present is she allowed to ask that he opens it with her there? What about February, is that too late? Can I insist that my brother opens his birthday present in early Jan "

Yes she can, then he gets a token on the day, mine liked character tins filled with sweets, for example.

Your brother is an adult and adults get to decide. Children over 7 can be taught that family celebrations can still be about the event, even if they don't happen in the event, or you move house to live in the same area.

You hand someone a gift and say that is your BDay/Xmas/Easter present. Any child over 4 understands that, or should be taught that.

Birds my DS has his birthday about 10 days before. He gets his advent calendar clearly, but all the decorations go up FOR his birthday.

he, in effect, gets to kick off Christmas in our house. he loves it! I decorated his room door, hung bunting off his bed, put banners on the house front door and hung birthday banners on the wall hanging.

I did try the leaving a week between his birthday and christmas but his dad (muslim ) complained that there wasn't enough time to celebrate christmas!

So we came upon the idea of making them work together.

A birthday AFTER Christmas is a little trickier perhaps, but in no way does anything need to overshadow or consume a child's birthday. Parties can always be held a little later in the month, certainly once the child is at school, so in effect the child gets christmas and TWO birthdays.

It's about making it all as magical as possible. My DS LOVES his celebration fortnight! I do too, cos it seems we are constantly having little christmas or birthday treats. Whatever works, really!

With regard to buying gifts, I tend to say that I buy a load of stuff, all at once and divide it into two piles.

i usually buy clothes too, but this year haven't. May hit the sales instead!

My birthday is early January. If we only saw relatives over christmas/new year they would give my birthday present then aswell as the christmas present. Generally I would keep the present until my birthday, if it was something special they wanted to see me open I opened it early. Complete non-issue.

You sound like my idea of birthday / Christmas / grabby / grasping / entitled hell OP.

I'm looking forward to my 2 year old playing with the boxes everyone's presents came in.

Your son is 2 years old. If people give you presents for him and ask to be there to see him open them then what's the problem with that exactly? I would imagine that most will hand them over to you and you can decide how they're distributed BUT if you make a fuss about this the way you are on this thread, you run the risk of people just not bothering because of YOU. Is it worth it?

It is lovely to see a child open a gift you have bought them and watch their excitement. Why do you want to deny them that or have you just not thought about the giver?

My God - you are totally hung up on presents!

And no - we didn't miss the bit about the strawberries tantrum or the advent calendar - we just didn't think it was remotely important. Tantrums aren't interesting. Are you going to arrange your entire lives to avoid them? More fool you if you do!