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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have not invited this woman?

56 replies

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 21:40

Had a small end of term party with 7 mums from DSs year and their kids. these are the mums that I chat to, text and occasionally go out with, with or without kids.

Am also friends with a few other school mums on Facebook. We say hello and chat but nothing more.

This particular woman organises a lot of whole class stuff, she also meets up with other parents and tags them and stuff and I have never thought anything of it?

I posted an update tagging 4 of my friends and saying thanks had a great night.

This woman then posted a status 'not doing any more school Christmas things, as my kids always miss out' and a sad face.

I feel this is probably aimed at me, can't think of anything else? And I don't dislike her or her kids, but my house is not big enough for loads of people, so I chose the women I really like?

I feel sad that she might be angsting over this and also a bit annoyed, am I being unreasonable and insensitive?

OP posts:
AndHarry · 21/12/2013 21:43

I wouldn't think anything of it TBH. I'm on Facebook but posting 'sad face' statuses with no proper explanation is a bit on the teenage side.

Tanfastic · 21/12/2013 21:45

Yes does sound like a dig at you. Ignore.

So glad I keep myself to myself when I hear shit like this. Only have two school mums on Facebook, that's more than enough for me.

CrohnicallySick · 21/12/2013 21:47

I think something like this is similar to the class/staff party scenario.

Fine to invite a select few, fine to invite everyone, anything in between is in dodgy territory. So unless you're at a private or village school with only 10 or so other mums, YWNBU to invite 7.

perlona · 21/12/2013 21:57

I don't see how, unless it's a tiny class and she was the only one not invited. I dislike her type of attention seeking, best to ignore people like that.

Poppylovescheese · 21/12/2013 21:58

Ignore it and block her news feed. This sort of pathetic passive aggressive posting drives me mad. I have a friend who does it a lot and I never comment in fact I deliberately don't read their statuses now.

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 21:58

you should comment on her status by saying, 'I had some friends round for end of term and was thinking it would be good one year to hire somewhere big so the whole class can fit, what do you think?'. Yes she is childish but if she has organised stuff before she maybe does feel left out. YWNBU to not have invited her tho, your house, your guests.

Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:14

Thank you, am going to try and let this go in my head. Think I'll add a privacy setting so she can't see stuff I post. I did think long and hard about accepting her friend request because I don't have many people on my Facebook, but didn't want to be rude!

There are 30 in the class btw.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 21/12/2013 22:15

Hmm, well I have been the one not being invited and it is hurtful, especially if they chat to you at school, thinking you've done something not to be invited. I hate feeling like I'm back at school, so I just unfriended and blocked them. Posting passive aggressive comments is just as childish.

Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:20

I do see that, and have also had times where my son was not invited, and I have felt a bit hurt. I think everyone feels like that at times with school stuff and you just have to move on?

I feel sorry that she is feeling left out, but the post annoyed me too. We are not best mates, she is just an acquaintance?

OP posts:
Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:22

And I chat to everyone, but some people more than others, and her hardly ever! Nor does my son play with her daughter.

OP posts:
NollaigShona2013 · 21/12/2013 22:22

Ive got a group of good friends but ive had some weird situations too, where u think u r friendly with somebody until u r passed over !
If i think some bitch somebody is excluding me i am very nice to their friends ;-)

wouldbemedic · 21/12/2013 22:26

In my opinion, it's childish of her, but there was something a bit insensitive about what you did. Technically, it's fine and you can justify it no problem - guess it depends how sensitive you want to be. Inviting a number of people big enough to be a group, then tagging on facebook...if I was a teenager, this would hurt and it would still hurt if I was insecure and had invested a lot of myself in cultivating inclusive parties. Who knows why this woman is the way she is. But isn't this why we try and be sensitive in the first place?

Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:26

I would say we are all friends, certainly don't dislike anyone as I don't know most of them very well.

I have no problem with her photos with other mums having nights out, I assume they are just friends together, certainly wouldn't comment doing a sad face!

OP posts:
Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:29

Well if I was insensitive I can't think how to fix it. I don't really want to do whole class parties as it's hard work! wish I hadn't accepted that friend request, argh.

OP posts:
NK5BM3 · 21/12/2013 22:30

Which is why if I'm out with a few of them I never tag or do any fb updates!!

BillyBanter · 21/12/2013 22:31

She's being silly, OP. It's ok for her to have an 'inner circle' but not you?
I agree with being selective with what you share with her from now on.

Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:31

Yes, I won't be tagging friends again! Lesson learned there.

OP posts:
LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 22:35

Its just awkward the whole fb tagging thing, I've been annoyed too at aimed statuses but really all you can do is ignore it or confront it, a simple 'hope you weren't offended, I didn't have space...etc' might put her mind at rest that its not personal and make her feel a bit silly as that is what she is being imo.

wouldbemedic · 21/12/2013 22:39

I agree with LoisWilkerson's idea :)

breatheslowly · 21/12/2013 22:46

She must have lots of friends on FB that you don't have on yours. Is there any chance that this relates to one of them rather than you?

SeaSickSal · 21/12/2013 22:48

It was immature of her to respond to the post like that.

But from what you've said it does sound like you are a bit of an alpha female at the school gates who enjoys the odd power game.

perlona · 21/12/2013 22:49

I wouldn't change fb habits to suit her sensitivities, why shouldn't you feel free to tag your friends in pictures if you and they are happy with that? Defriend or change your privacy settings so she can't see any future posts from you but don't censor yourself for her.

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 22:54

Its minor but once I posted on fb how much I enjoyed a certain book, minutes later, some smart arse put 'why are people only reading that now, its sooo last year?' I responed saying 'didn't know it was a year old doh! shouldn't have bothered then!' I felt great, they looked stupid. Job done!

Original poster
StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 22:58

Breathslowly, I'm hoping that's the case! But realistically I think it's me.

I'm sorry she is sad. Not sure I want to get into a messaging thing justifying why I didn't invite her - would prefer to make a casual comment about it being a small party not aimed at anyone if you know what I mean?

OP posts:
Valdeeves · 21/12/2013 23:05

I just think its wiser not to post about nights out - why not privately message them?