Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to have not invited this woman?

56 replies

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 21:40

Had a small end of term party with 7 mums from DSs year and their kids. these are the mums that I chat to, text and occasionally go out with, with or without kids.

Am also friends with a few other school mums on Facebook. We say hello and chat but nothing more.

This particular woman organises a lot of whole class stuff, she also meets up with other parents and tags them and stuff and I have never thought anything of it?

I posted an update tagging 4 of my friends and saying thanks had a great night.

This woman then posted a status 'not doing any more school Christmas things, as my kids always miss out' and a sad face.

I feel this is probably aimed at me, can't think of anything else? And I don't dislike her or her kids, but my house is not big enough for loads of people, so I chose the women I really like?

I feel sad that she might be angsting over this and also a bit annoyed, am I being unreasonable and insensitive?

OP posts:

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 23:09

I think your right Val. Never had this come up before- all my friends are quite separate IYKWIM so never had to consider people feeling left out before. I like seeing what people are up to, their nights out, drunk photos etc.

But yes, this time I have pissed her off - I'll make sure I'm more diplomatic next time.

Still cant think of what to do- I could comment on my post saying 'glad it was only 7 of us, my house couldn't take any more!' or something like that?

OP posts:

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 23:14

or you could just ask her 'what have the kids missed?' Play dumb and see what she says? Don't know if I would have the balls though! I hardly use fb now tbh. Its a social minefield!

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 23:20

Oooo I don't know Lois, don't want to get into it- I'm sort of in a nice Christmas zone and not sure I could deal with what she might reply... I would like to make her feel better though.

I'm going to seriously look at my FB use- I never post anything controversial its just pictures and little updates- mainly use it to keep in touch with friends/family abroad- this is what happens when you start being FB friends with people you don't know well, eh? Lesson learned...

Oh and she has had a few nights out with school mums which I haven't been invited to- and I really didn't think anything of it- there were pics of them all, I just thought 'Oh look they are friends' - I didn't think I was being slighted!

OP posts:

lougle · 21/12/2013 23:25

I guess if you are only FB friends with, say, 10 mums in the class and you invited 7 of them to your party, then it would seem like you excluded 3, rather than excluding the 23 mums left in the class?

Numbers there are only an example, but is it possible that she thought by being FB friends with only a few others from the class that you were closer than your perspective of it?

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 23:29

How would she know who I am friends with? Can you see that on peoples profiles?

Think I'm friends with about half the class- but I invited my friends by text. I tagged 4, there were 2 other mums there who were not on FB, and who I didn't mention...

The thing is we hardly ever talk- it always ends up being a bit stilted and trying to know what to say when we do chat- nothing personal but the conversation never really gets going- more polite chit chat?

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 21/12/2013 23:32

You are not responsible for her being over sensitive.

It was less than a third of the mums. She's not a particular friend. She is very silly.

Restrict what she can see of your facebook and just carry on.

Do not justify yourself to her as you have done nothing wrong.

FishfingersAreOK · 21/12/2013 23:35

If she posted her comment on your facebook page/the photo then I would comment - she is linking her PA/woe is me snipiness to you and your party - which is childish and very unfair on you. I would basically call her on it in a very non-aggressive way - like PP suggested - "Oh, sorry to hear you are upset about something? What has happened to make you sad?" Get her to explain herself.

If it is just a status on her page then ignore, ignore, ignore. It maybe something totally unrelated to you/your party. It may be a childish/PA dig at you. But if she does not have the balls to link to you/your post then she does not deserve you attention over it.

I hate crap like this (can you tell ). She sounds like a right diva tbh. I would be tempted to hide her status updates too.

FishfingersAreOK · 21/12/2013 23:36

you attention

FishfingersAreOK · 21/12/2013 23:37

your your FFS!!!!!

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 23:37

She might just be a bit sensitive and who knows why? If she can't ask you to your face then she can't expect an explanation. I've never had so much anxiety in my social life until fb, wish I could delete the fecking thing but its handy for keeping in touch and why should I? Some people have possibly griped as I don't go on it much, 'these people who never like my kids photo...' etc. FFS! Even people who seem nice/normal come across as very needy/egotistical on fb. Change her to acquaintance is maybe all you can do.

nauticant · 21/12/2013 23:37

I think playing power games on Facebook is, well, a bit childish, whoever does it.

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 23:39

fishfingers You've got fb rage too! Its an awful invention!

BillyBanter · 21/12/2013 23:39

It is possible it's not about you. Hide her status and don't think about it again.

HoHolepew · 21/12/2013 23:40

She's just attention seeking, ignore her. You don't have to justify to anyone what you do or who you do it with.

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 23:41

nauticant agree but when so many do its hard to just sit and take it if you are on the receiving end of such childishness.

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 23:42

Just changed my settings. Have really cut down on who can see my posts- and just noticed that you can tick a box that says 'dont share with friends of my friends'- bloody hell I never knew it did!

Lois- yes, she may be feeling sensitive and I have no reason to cause her pain. Anything could be going on in her life and its Christmas FFS I'd rather make someone feel better not worse.

I just 'liked' her Christmas tree. This isn't going to help is it?

OP posts:

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 23:43

Billy- I so want this to be the case!

OP posts:

nauticant · 21/12/2013 23:44

This isn't going to help is it?

That depends on what your game is. You might get things going a treat.

Bunbaker · 21/12/2013 23:45

This is why I never post anything on Facebook. I make sure DD doesn't either because it invariably makes someone feel left out. There is something abut seeing it in writing that makes the left out person feel worse about the whole thing. And there is nothing like rubbing it in is there.

BillyBanter · 21/12/2013 23:46

Anything could be going on in anyone's life. No one should post a photo of them and their partner looking happy because someone is unhappily single. No one should post a pic of their baby because someone can't have children. No one should post about their promotion because someone hasn't got a job.

LoisWilkerson1 · 21/12/2013 23:46

Yes that will help stairs Christmas diva's love it when their tree gets attention. Good girl, you are now a true friend *guffaw

BrianTheMole · 21/12/2013 23:48

Oh just ignore it. If these are the mums you're friends with, then I can't see the big deal. Its not as though you're inviting the whole class bar her. I'd limit what she can see on fb, I couldn't be doing with that. That is, of course, if she's referring to you.

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 21/12/2013 23:48

Nauticant- I'm trying to carry on as normal- as if the comment wasn't aimed at me- maybe it wasn't? I would normally 'like' a tree if a friend posted a picture.

OP posts:

LoisWilkerson1 · 22/12/2013 00:02

Just wish her a Merry Christmas on her tree pic and act normally next time you see her. She could be on the wine and feel daft tomorrow. I'm off to check fb, Merry Christmas OP! Don't give this any more thought. xx

Original poster

StairsInTheNight · 22/12/2013 00:03

Thanks Lois.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread