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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how your DH acts when he's stressed

67 replies

womblesofwestminster · 21/12/2013 14:40

My DH is a cunt when he's stressed. Be it work, money or whatever, he turns into an argumentative manchild. Constant PMS-style emotional outbursts, picking arguments about insignificant things, defensive, paranoid, sulking, flouncing.

Fortunately, it doesn't happen often. But when it does (like at the moment), I'm walking on eggshells and being around him is a tense experience.

What's your bloke like when he's under stress? Does he bring it home?

OP posts:
Mummytotwox · 21/12/2013 14:42

Yes!!! My husband is the same. He shouts, slams doors, heavy handed like putting stuff down ect.

He's just thrown a temper tantrum and walked out. So I locked him out and went to tidy the kids bedroom, he came back 30 mins later looking guilty.

He gets stressed so quick.

littlewhitechristmasbag · 21/12/2013 14:43

He goes very, very quiet and doesn't engage in normal family life. He also sleeps poorly, wakes up too early then gets up and works. This is a vicious circle as he is then far too tired to engage with family life. And on it goes...

Loopylouu · 21/12/2013 14:46

Mine is the same op. I hate it and I hate that I have modified my own behaviour in order to placate him.

DragonMamma · 21/12/2013 14:48

Mine just goes quiet. Thankfully he's really laid back so he doesn't often get stressed. He's introverted and it can take ages to get him to talk about what's bothering him.

DragonMamma · 21/12/2013 14:48

Mine just goes quiet. Thankfully he's really laid back so he doesn't often get stressed. He's introverted and it can take ages to get him to talk about what's bothering him though, which pisses me off.

DragonMamma · 21/12/2013 14:48

Mine just goes quiet. Thankfully he's really laid back so he doesn't often get stressed. He's introverted and it can take ages to get him to talk about what's bothering him though, which pisses me off.

Original poster
womblesofwestminster · 21/12/2013 14:50

So I locked him out

Grin Did you really? Keys and all?

OP posts:
KepekCrumbs · 21/12/2013 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 21/12/2013 14:53

Like yours really - cunty in the extreme

Snappy, sweary, door slamming arse

Doesn't engage, can do the silent treatment

On very odd occasions (like maybe once or twice a year during a huge row) he will smash things like plates, furniture and windows. However, that nearly resulted in me LTBing so he knows if it happens again it will have serious consequences.

He isn't stressed often but when he is it is mainly snappy, sweariness

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 21/12/2013 14:53

He just starts flapping his hands about and walking up and down.

He doesn't get stressed all that much though, and if he is it's over tiny little things.

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 21/12/2013 14:55

Unbearable. But to be honest I think it's much better for him to strop about like a twat than try to hide it, so I just get on with it. I'm a complete bitch at times too so it's not like it's one way!

MurderOfGoths · 21/12/2013 14:57

Mine has an anxiety disorder - so he's unbearable when stressed, have taken to singing "it's the end of the world as we know it" in my head when he starts getting worked up about tiny things. Which is not very nice of me, I know, but it's hard hard work calming him down.

TinselinaBumSquash · 21/12/2013 14:58

Mine acts very distant when he's stressed, he will remove himself from everything. He's not a raging, shouty type.

fluffyraggies · 21/12/2013 14:59

When DH's stress levels peak he is quiet, and withdrawn, but also likely to fly off the handle at insignificant things the kids do or say. He struggles to sleep, which, as another poster says, doesn't help. To a certain extent he seems to stop looking after himself so well.

He will talk about it - i think it helps him get it out of his system for a bit. It doesn't make me cross with him. I just wish i could help.

TheApprentice · 21/12/2013 15:00

Wombles, my dh is the same. Its ok when I'm feeling strong in myself and can handle it, but if I'm not I really do struggle with his behaviour.

ouryve · 21/12/2013 15:02

He sleeps badly and is rather grumpy and growly, He also struggles to concentrate on simple things, which adds to the grumpiness.

Vivacia · 21/12/2013 15:02

I grew up in a house like this, and it'd be tolerated now, in my house and in front of my children, over my dead body. That counts for anyone of us. As soon as one of is inflicting a bad mood on everyone else they get told to stop and take some time out.

Original poster
womblesofwestminster · 21/12/2013 15:03

He isn't stressed often but when he is it is mainly snappy, sweariness

Bizarre, isn't it? Even when we are not the cause of the stress, they take it out on us.

I don't know whether it's a back-handed compliment (they feel comfortable and secure with us), or whether it's offensive (they take us for granted).

OP posts:
Original poster
womblesofwestminster · 21/12/2013 15:06

As soon as one of is inflicting a bad mood on everyone else they get told to stop and take some time out.

What would time out involve, and for how long?

OP posts:
SashaOfSiberia · 21/12/2013 15:08

If he is seriously stressed he will go quiet and shutdown, this is normally related to work, and unfortunately it just means he sleeps less and works more until at some point he will have a total meltdown which can include shouting, smashing, tears ands disappearing acts. This happens rarely. His job is very tense though.

We have some monumental rows and I do find that he can be really arsey, if he's just under pressure, shouting and screaming throwing his weight around, slamming doors and making snidey comments, he can also drink a lot.

I make him sound awful and I can be just as bad, but luckily all this is quite rare.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 21/12/2013 15:12

Argumentative manchild here too. Or stroppy teen type, more. And yes, picks arguments - looks for things to poke at me about, rather than address the actual cause of the stress. But this is mostly for immediate and "sharp" stress - ongoing lower level stress, he's not so bad with.

For e.g. - today, he started on about not being able to go to his mum's house because his drunkard sociopath of a brother is staying there again, against all advice. The brother is an immediate and extreme cause of stress - so he goes off at his mum (who was over here briefly), then goes off in an extremely teen-style strop, then starts on at me over something utterly trivial and unconnected. He can't see what he's doing unless I point it out - which, not being the sweetest-tempered person myself, I usually do in no uncertain terms - and then he has another teen-style response and goes all "poor me", and can't understand why I am picking on him. Hmm

Mummytotwox · 21/12/2013 15:12

Yep keys and all, he went to get gas, and lett his car keys on side, so I locked the doors lol. He's back now, and now unstressed. I'm the stressed one now, kids attitude stinks today :.(

Joysmum · 21/12/2013 15:34

He's snappy, tired, rude, picky and someone I dislike intensely.

He gets told he can fuck right off until he's ready to be civil and wants a big hug. I certainly don't pussy foot around him, I aim to get him to talk so then it gets better. If I ignore or make allowances for him then nothing gets sorted and we are all miserable.

On the flip died when I'm stressed I'm all of the above and he never calls me on it as he knows I'll soon realise I'm being a twat, feel guilty and apologise at which point a nice big hug works well.

HesterShaw · 21/12/2013 15:36

Like a total nob.

Self righteous, obnoxious and hyper critical.

HesterShaw · 21/12/2013 15:36

On the other hand, I am a perfect angel.

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