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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how your DH acts when he's stressed

67 replies

womblesofwestminster · 21/12/2013 14:40

My DH is a cunt when he's stressed. Be it work, money or whatever, he turns into an argumentative manchild. Constant PMS-style emotional outbursts, picking arguments about insignificant things, defensive, paranoid, sulking, flouncing.

Fortunately, it doesn't happen often. But when it does (like at the moment), I'm walking on eggshells and being around him is a tense experience.

What's your bloke like when he's under stress? Does he bring it home?

OP posts:

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 22/12/2013 13:03

Mine tends to go quiet, but will snap at everything. For a while I walked in eggshells but then thought "what the fuck am I doing?" Now I just snap back "don't fucking take it out on me because your stressed out"

I usually get an apology after he's sulked for a while

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 13:08

mine locks himself away usually plays his ps2 grunts and gets annoyed he just is a PITA he won't engage with us and when he does i wish he didn't bother, he is a selfish git at times

limitedperiodonly · 22/12/2013 13:12

Tells me the bare details but then takes everything in on himself with occasional flashes of great drama.

Probably resents me or others for not sharing the stress, but doesn't share it with anyone. It's all 'fine'. He has a martyr streak a mile wide.

Thinks of the absolutely blackest outcome. He has said that this helps him, because nothing is ever that bad. But it doesn't help me, because in some situations it does seem a bit unlikely but if I try to talk it through logically, he gets angry.

Also, some of the blackest situations which have caused huge drama at work have been resolved sometimes the next day, only he moves happily on and forgets to tell me.

So I find out after a week of worrying that we aren't going to end up on the streets, and probably never were. It has a ring of 'the little boy who cried wolf' about it.

Consequently I've learned to take things with a pinch of salt, which only adds to his theory that I take nothing seriously.

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 13:14

MY husband can be very over dramatic and over reacts it drives me up the wall nobody else has it as bad as him, I usually just tut and leave him to rant

TwoPeasOnePod · 22/12/2013 13:27

My DP also lists what he's doing obsessively if he's stressed. And talks a lot louder. He also fills a day with eleventy million small pointless tasks to avoid The Big Job that's stressing him.. And time management is his downfall. He also does myriad favours for his using selfish bastard friends because he's too polite to say no, then comes home and mopes around with a face like a soggy kippers slapped arse. Until I contort myself for hours trying to make him cheer up. Disclaimer; I am very hard work myself and he is worth it. We have a lid on it. But he has in the past smashed his phone on the dashboard (I thought he was going to hit me) and generally Hulk-ed out a few times. I've told him that next times the last time with angry physical behaviour, he's nearly twice my body weight and he's definitely taken that one on board

Squitten · 22/12/2013 13:33

Mine gets very introverted and then snaps at whoever encroached on that, usually the kids being loud or me trying to organise stuff. He's an awful multi-tasker so gets very stressed and flustered if he had to do too much at once. Thankfully he married a very organised wife :)

Thebluedog · 22/12/2013 13:41

Yes mine does too... I'm glad you've started this thread as I was just thinking the same.

My DH had the flu (2 weeks of it) and it's the busy time at work. He's a bit of a misery at the best of times but at the moment me and the kids are really walking on egg shells. He's been a right miserable git, argumentative, negative and generally not nice to be around.

At the moment I hate all the family, smiling Chrissy adverts and then think about the atmosphere in our household

SirChenjin · 22/12/2013 13:48

I'm actually quite surprised that the usual cry of "LTB" hasn't gone up on this thread - where are the usual who proclaim that they wouldn't be married to someone who behaved like this? Or have I missed those posts?

needaholidaynow · 22/12/2013 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheApprentice · 22/12/2013 14:03

Thebluedog I so agree with you about the adverts. Makes everything so much worse!!

CailinDana · 22/12/2013 14:11

My Dh gets headaches and looks tired so I say "you ok?" and he says "yeah just a bit stressed about xyz." I say "anything I can do to help?" and he says either "no thanks I'll be ok when x is finished" (usually a work thing) or "it would be great if I could have a lie in/stay late at work/go for a drink" (usually a very small reasonable request). Then we have a hug and a kiss and get on with our day. In 12 years he has never once shouted or slammed things. He used to be a bit sulky but having had a very sulky mother I knew how to put a stop to that.

NoComet · 22/12/2013 14:17

Starts being massively efficient and won't sit still, very wearing.

Clunch · 22/12/2013 14:21

With considerably more grace and good humour than I do under similar stresses. I must admit.

Gossipmonster · 22/12/2013 14:33

Are you with my OH OP?!

drivingmisslazy · 22/12/2013 14:45

When my DH is stressed he is a total nutsack, he is moody and will exaggerate and moan, for eg if one plate is left on side then we live in a total shit tip etc.

Luckily after 5 years of rowing trying hard not to kill him I know the signs and can usually get out of him what is wrong, after he has had his outburst of course.

tolittletoolate · 22/12/2013 14:52

my dh never gets stressed he does a lot of running so I think that is his way of dealing with it. He does have a very stressful job and has to do loads of driving. He doesn't even really drink a lot either.

SockQueen · 22/12/2013 15:08

In an acute situation, sometimes he just completely withdraws. He shuts down - goes to our room, curls up in a ball and won't speak. He'll then need to play computer games for several hours, as that is his "safe space," before coming out again. He never gets angry or aggressive, but does get panicky if, say, we're running late and it's his fault. He won't listen to me, just wants to do things his way in his little world and will decide when he's ready to let me in again.

Longer-term stress tends to manifest itself in headaches, tiredness and some kind of non-descript "feeling awful" which means he doesn't get out of bed or do anything, but at least he talks to me in those periods.

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