AIBU think that charity gifts should only be given if that's what the addressee whishes?

[WidowWadman]

I mean goats and such like. Doesn't it just convey the message of "I couldn't be arsed to buy you something you might like, so here's the receipt for that charity donation I made to make myself feel better"?

I think all this eye-brow raising could be stopped if the people who would be thrilled to receive a charity donatioj on their behalf made it known amongst their friends and family well in advance that if anyone is wondering what they would like for Christmas, then a donation to charity would be perfect. I think it is very risky to organise them for everyone else, then sit back and accept chocolates or wine or smellies from THEM and then come on a forum and moan that you didn't want them anyway.

If you want to buy someone in Africa a goat then buy them a goat. Using another unconnected person as the reason to broadcast the fact that you have is very strange to me. Why does anyone else need to know about it?

I think things like goats and wells and sponsorships of animals etc should only be given as a gift when the recipient has expressly requested it. Otherwise I think it's an awful, passive aggressive present that says 'you have too much of all the obvious stuff already and I can't be bothered to put any thought into something different that you might actually like, so I'm not buying you anything and I'm spending the money on someone else instead.'

My SIL has done this this year. We've bought for her, BIL, and their two children. And have had an oxfam card in return.
I have said thank you - and made a mental note to buy her and BIL their own goat next year rather than the books, DVDs and craft beer they have got this year.

Good idea, Tallulahbelle. They are obviously already fans of charity gifts if they've organised it for you so no potential for eyebrow-raising!. I'd be wondering if the gifts I'd bought them this year were going to be used, though, as so many people who support the idea of charity gifts have said they'd love to get one instead of smellies or other things that they do not need.

OK, I suppose I agree that just randomly buying someone a goat is possibly a bit off, if you don't know whether they'd like it and if no thought has been put into it. But I still think a carefully chosen charity gift can be a nice present, for the right person and in the right circumstances!

When pfb was born we gave the ward a train/sponsor a midwife. That's similar to Jinsei's example, I think.

Of course we shouldn't expect presents but generally at Christmas present-giving is reciprocal (so you have to agree in advance to go no-gifts or £5 limit or whatever). And while that doesn't mean you give to receive, it means you do have a reasonable expectation of a gift that's actually for you.

Btw, thank you for the nice comments about our gift to dd's teacher. I can only hope that she was happy with it!

curly Their gifts were chosen from amazon wishlists, and different beers are drunk by and discussed with BIL when we see him. So I'm fairly confident they have items they will use/enjoy.
And to be fair, they are rubbish at buying presents so at least someone will appreciate the oxfam gift.

"SunshinemMum Fri 20-Dec-13 15:04:38

I have got to the point when I dread the amount of gifts as smallish cluttered house already. We have most of the things we want and often we get gifts that you need to hang somewhere and we just don't have the somewhere. Bring on the chickens goats et al."

Have you read A Squash and a Squeeze? :o

I have been nagged about what I wan this Christmas. Charity gifts are a great idea (the right way round as many have said) and will be going on my list for next Christmas!

My SIL asked for a goat for her DCs one year, she said they had enough stuff and she wanted them to learn about materialism. They were quite young and I wasn't sure they would appreciate what it meant, also I didn't have DCs of my own then and was aware that these could be the people choosing my care home one day. So I told SIL that I had already got their presents, and she could give them the goat as hers. She didn't.

I love goats and I'm drowning in clutter. I should be easy to buy for, but I'll still get fridge magnets and chocolate.

I think the extra present thing is nice or as a present for someone who couldn't reasonably expect one such as a teacher/nurse. It's also obviously fine if someone has requested it or said no presents. If you give it as a real gift and receive gifts from the recipient of your charity donation then you are basically stealing their present to give to the charity of choice. A very strange idea.

I would love a goat donation, but that's cause people know I love animals and that it would make me happy to know my gift had gone towards something I believe in. I wouldn't get it for someone as a random gift though, unless I knew they were like me!

I hate charity gifts, they aren't a gift for the person receiving but more "look at me" from the person sending.

I would donate to a charity if asked but wouldnt otherwise. There are lots of charities i disagree with and i choose to support just three main ones that mean something to me and believe charity is personal to everyone.

I have for several years been trying to persuade the person who organises the office secret Santa to tell whoever gets me to get me a goat or similar. I'd far rather get that than the random gift.

I don't get many presents at Christmas, but I really appreciate the ones I get. I wouldn't buy the charity gift thing for anyone, it just doesn't sit right with me. I give to charities dear to my heart, I don't presume to think a friend/ relative would appreciate me giving money 'on their behalf', to my chosen charity, while accepting their gift to me.
And if someone did give me one, like other posters here, I would give them the same, next time around, as it is obviously something they would appreciate.