AIBU think that charity gifts should only be given if that's what the addressee whishes?

[WidowWadman]

I mean goats and such like. Doesn't it just convey the message of "I couldn't be arsed to buy you something you might like, so here's the receipt for that charity donation I made to make myself feel better"?

They are no worse than a crappy box of chocolates or other lamo presents.

Some people are very hard to buy for.

Any one who knows me well enough to buy me a gift, knows which charity to donate to. I think charity donation is to personal to chose on someone's behalf.

Yes I agree I would prefer chickens to some crappy toiletry gift set or novelty mug or basketball hoop for your bin type shite.

That really is money wasted and the ultimate f*ck you gift IMO.

I don't mind charity donations in lieu of gifts, but I would prefer the giver to donate to a charity of my choosing.

DS's godmother sent me an email saying that she wouldn't be buying him a Christmas present because he already has too much, instead she has given her time to help at a kindergarten in the third world. Whilst it's a lovely thing she did, she did so in order to spend time with a photographer she was dating in that country and living in a 5 star hotel. She then launched into a diatribe about how no one she knows does enough for charity. That's because most of us don't make a song and a dance about it.

It's not ungrateful. Giving to a charity is a nice thing. It's why it's done that takes away from it. There are charities I wouldn't give a shitty penny to and wouldn't be grateful if someone decided to make themselves look good by donating and then calling it my present.

If someone wants to make a charity donation for me, then let it be a charity that means something to me. Or at least one I don't actively hate!

Plus, if someone give a gift, any gift, not because they want to give a gift and it comes with love, but to either show off or hoping for some admiration or adoration, it's not much of a gift.

And, as I say, these are often (not always) the same people that would hit the roof if they didn't get actual presents!

Why you do something matters. Changes the whole feel of something.

Agree wholeheartedly with Snowed. One year a relative announced that she'd done Oxfam goat donation things for everyone as their present, and then sat back and accepted gifts that everyone in the family had bought HER. If she had just said well before Xmas "what would everyone like off us? And by the way, please don't buy me a present but if you would like to get me something can you buy a goat onto behalf? If anyone else would like that as THEIR present from me then just let me know as I'll organise it."

But she didn't let anyone know that she didn't want a present for herself so she ended up getting all sorts of wine and chocs etc off us while we sat there with an envelope going "er, thanks, enjoy your chocs."

I understand about the whole materialism of Xmas argument but for god's sake, ask for the goat donation as YOUR present from other people, don't organise it for everyone else then sit back scoffing the chocs while polishing your halo.

YANBU.

Charity is a very personal thing, and I would not be at all appreciative or grateful if someone did this for me. I'm quite picky about the charities I support, and the ones I like I already give generously to, so a charity gift really wouldn't be a gift at all. It would be a cop out, easy option for someone that has no imagination.

What WooWooOwl said

I HAVE asked in lieu of presents I get donations towards a charity I'm currently fundraising for and have been explicit in saying only donate the amount you would have spent on a present. My family are sweet an have bought me token presents to have under the tree on the day anyway but agree it should be a request from the receiver. If you want to donate to oxfam or whatever just do it, don't be all smug about it by essentially forcing someone else to donate to a charity they might not want to

The very worst is dh's brother and SIL who don't do family get togethers (and she doesn't talk to the family at all) but still carry ok with the rigmarole of sending gift tags for our children with their handwriting on it saying "love from Uncle X and Auntie Y" but we have to buy the present for our kids then stick THEIR gift tag on as if its been bought and organised from them. Fucking farce, is what it is. We're supposed to do the same for them, only last year, in their Xmas card they had put "a donation has been made to Oxford on your behalf" PLUS gift tags with OUR kids' names on. So confusing - I had know idea who these pigging goats were meant to be to/from.

I refuse to support the whole farce this year. If they can't be bothered to meet up with the family to exchange presents and Xmas cheer then I'm buggered if I'm going to spend our money on a present for our kids and make out its from generous uncle x who they never see, while they donate a goat and make US look like the Scrooge aunty and uncle for THEIR kids.

Sorry. . That saga is a whole other thread. In short, if you want to donate a goat, ask for it from other people as YOUR present.

Someone once bought me a set of toilets for Africa. I went to Africa years before and got terrible stomach problems (probably giardiasis). I would have loved a decent toilet so the present was; funny; nice; relevant; showed thought; and in the spirit of Christmas. What's to complain?

YANBU.
It might be OK to give a child one of those animal adoption packs which comes with a cuddly toy or suchlike - essentially you're paying over the odds and the child is getting a bit more than just the toy.

Agreeing to mutually give to your preferred charities rather than exchanging gifts would be fine. Giving someone else a goat while happily receiving a present from them really isn't.

I think it does depend what your circumstances are. I would be happy with goats etc as there is nothing much I need/want and as such why waste your money. I have also requested charity donations in the past. I would also add that this year the best decision I have been instrumental in was a collective decision to not do secret santa at work but donate the money to the food bank instead

"a donation has been made to Oxford on your behalf"
sounds like they're trying to bribe their way into a top-notch education for your DNs . But seriously, that's weird.

Surely, in your case Errol the donation should be to the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons

People have been getting gift choices wrong since the dawn of time. Much better to get it wrong by giving to a charity than to lumber somebody with a crap inanimate object that's destined for landfill.

Hehe MrsT that is a good present!

Anything personal / well thought out is fine by me. If someone thinks I specifically will approve of a specific charity donation gift, that's fine by me. Picking up an oxfam goat because you can't be arsed thinking about what I might like, not so much...

MrsT, that would be rather self-serving

My teenage DD is disabled and we have a huge number of lovely helpers from two agencies who come to our home and school to assist her. Three years ago the number of helpers had grown so big that I really could not afford a decent Christmas present each for every one, so we decided to buy a goat and some chickens from Oxfam and gave the ladies a home made card describing what we had done; last year we bought a prosthetic leg for a charity abroad; this year it s a snow leopard sponsorship (we declined the cuddly toy!). DD loves choosing the charity and I feel the ladies understand our motivation. Oh, and we say no presents please to us from them. So I feel justified in this, but I can see up the thread that some of these are VV U!

Personally I would rather someone bought a goat that could be life changing for a family than receive a pair of slippers and some boots 3 for 2 smelly set. But then Im pretty bah humbug about xmas anyway.

I rather assumed they were all bought as passive aggressive gifts. Is that just me then? I really love the look on the recipient's face as they have to pretend to be happy with it!

Last year my brother brought presents for my children which he donated to the children's hospice, we were amused as he has every boys toy going for himself!