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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not buy my Stepson a Christmas present

57 replies

Wilberforce2 · 20/12/2013 11:01

SS is 16 lives with us and we get on really well but last night he had a major strop and is now refusing to talk to me! We were all having dinner and were talking about Christmas presents when SS asked what I was getting him, told him he had already had his presents from us which was £300 earlier in the year towards a football season ticket and then £150 cash last week to buy clothes with (these were both things he had requested for his presents because he doesn't actually need or want anything else). Well this did not go down too well and he said that those were presents from his Dad, he has bought me a Christmas present so is therefore expecting something in return! As far as I am concerned me and his Dad are a couple and the £450 he has had was from both of us, he then started on about how our 5 year old has more presents from us which yes he does but they certainly haven't amounted to £450 in fact not even half of that! He is 5 he wants board games and ninja turtles not money for clothes!

It ended with him storming off saying that he can't believe how out of order I am not buying him anything and he is now not going to give me my present! DH in complete agreement with me and told me to ignore him but he has really made me feel a bit shit like I should have bought him a present from me but then when I think about it that just feels weird! Me and DH wouldn't get our ds separate presents so why would it be different for dss?

So AIBU? Should I go and get him something or just leave him to have his teenage strop?!

OP posts:

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 20/12/2013 11:04

Don't you dare get him anything.

Never, ever give in to teenage strops. The next one will be worse.

trinity0097 · 20/12/2013 11:05

I would give a token something to unwrap on Xmas Day, e.g. A box of chocs or selection box, nothing fancy.

MammaTJ · 20/12/2013 11:05

Ignore, ignore, then ignore a little bit more!

Of course you have already given him his presents but I would probably do a stocking for him to open as a matter of course, with smellies and toothrbush and other little bits!

YouTheCat · 20/12/2013 11:09

I'd probably go with the cheap stocking fillers because I'm a soft touch.

And next year he has to wait until Christmas to get any presents. If he wants a season ticket, maybe he should start saving now for next season?

livinginawinterwonderland · 20/12/2013 11:10

Does he have nothing at all to open on Christmas day?

My mum used to get me my "big" presents early - a new phone, for example, or a shopping trip, but I always had something under the tree. Normally just some DVD's or some earrings or some perfume, but something to open on the day. I'd make sure he has that. It's not nice being the sibling with nothing at all to open while someone else has loads.

shewhowines · 20/12/2013 11:13

Yes a token to unwrap, but from both of you not just you.

Explain how 5yr old gets presents from both of you.

Agree no more early presents ever again.

ilovepowerhoop · 20/12/2013 11:13

has he nothing to open at all? If so, I would get a few bits and bobs to go under the tree. It would be rubbish to have nothing to open on christmas day

mrsravelstein · 20/12/2013 11:15

i think it's a bit miserable being the only one who hasn't got something to open on xmas day, i'd have saved the (very generous) £150 for clothes to give him on the day.

but no i don't see why you should buy him a separate present from his dad, unless that's your usual family tradition.

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 20/12/2013 11:17

I have a teenage DSS, and I am with
SMorgauseBoard Tantrums after being given your presents early should not be rewarded with more presents!

firesidechat · 20/12/2013 11:18

Even though he has had a considerable amount of money from you, I would probably have done as trinity suggested and wrap a couple of token presents - maybe a box of chocolates and some inexpensive toiletries. Something to unwrap on the day, but still taking into account the previous presents, but I would also make it totally clear that these are also from his dad and you as a couple. No way should you be buying him separate presents. He is being a bit of a brat.

You have already given him far more than most teenagers can expect, but was it made absolutely clear that these were a Christmas present? Personally I think giving things as Christmas gifts so far in advance can result in a slightly rubbish Christmas Day, as your SS is now discovering. Bet he doesn't do that again.

ilovepowerhoop · 20/12/2013 11:22

I agree, dont give presents so early as it makes for a rubbish christmas if there is nothing to open

HappyMummyOfOne · 20/12/2013 11:25

Why do you advance all his presents but not the little ones? Surely they should both have the same amount to open on the day in order to be fair.

It will be pretty awful watching his half sibling open lots whilst he gas nothing.

Original poster

Wilberforce2 · 20/12/2013 11:27

Sorry should have mentioned he isn't even here on Christmas day because he spends it with his Mum (he goes there on Christmas Eve) no way would I be so mean as to let him sit and watch us open presents on Christmas morning!

He knew perfectly well that the money was for Christmas and his Dad even made sure that he knew there wouldn't be anything further after the £150. He needed the £300 in advance because of the season ticket (he was the one who asked for it as his present and that was supposed to be all he was getting because of the cost), last week my DH asked him if there was anything he wanted for Christmas to unwrap as the season ticket money was long forgotten and he said that there wasn't any presents he wanted but could he have some money for clothes to go shopping with his mate at the weekend.

He just genuinely expected something from me which threw me a bit because we have never done separate presents apart from maybe the first two years before we all lived together and I was still very much just his Dad's girlfriend (we have been together 10 years and he has lived with us since 2008)!

OP posts:

BruthasTortoise · 20/12/2013 11:27

He's being a brat no doubt about it. But he's still young and the prospect of having nothing to open on Christmas Day is quite sad. Doesn't excuse the strops but maybe, for the sake of all the people you love having a nice Chritsmas day together you (and his dad) should get him a few wee sticking fillers.

Elderflowergranita · 20/12/2013 11:28

His half-sibling is 5 - surely that makes a difference Happymum?

Weasleyismyking · 20/12/2013 11:29

I wouldn't have been allowed the clothes until Christmas Day. I would have tried and flounced and stropped but my parents would have taken them straight from the shopping bags and wrapped them up.

can you take them back of him and wrap them up?!

NoComet · 20/12/2013 11:29

At 8 I could understand a bike in the summer, meant a couple of token presents on my (winter birthday), At 16 he certainly can.

Original poster

Wilberforce2 · 20/12/2013 11:29

HappyMummyOfOne because that's what he wanted this year and we thought he was old enough to understand to consequences of having your presents early. He has already had far more spent on him than he normally would because he had the extra £150 last week.

OP posts:

muddylettuce · 20/12/2013 11:31

Errr! No! Don't do it. Ungrateful little...

Fudgeface123 · 20/12/2013 11:31

DF's 'kids' are 21 and 22, they asked for their Christmas present early (last month) as they wanted money for a skiing trip. DF made it quite clear that if they had this money (£1000 each), they wouldn't be getting anything else from him which they agreed to. Youngest rang her dad last night to say what she wants for Christmas, DF told her that they had had their Christmas present, she threw a wobbler, told her dad she hates him and he never does anything for them and hung up.

I had to physically restrain DF from calling her back and giving in, which he usually does.

BTW, they have the equivalent monetary amount of presents from their mum, along with those from other family members so they won't go without.

DO NOT CAVE!!!!

NoComet · 20/12/2013 11:32

At 8 I could understand a bike in the summer, meant a couple of token presents on my (winter birthday), At 16 he certainly can.

Weasleyismyking · 20/12/2013 11:32

Sorry cross post.
Sounds like he's been speaking to someone in the school yard whose parent has a new partner who is buying them something separately and is trying it on with you.
the major strop would suggest he really knows he's in the wrong. ride it out

NoComet · 20/12/2013 11:32

Sorry

NoComet · 20/12/2013 11:33

At 8 I could understand a bike in the summer, meant a couple of token presents on my (winter birthday), At 16 he certainly can.

DidoTheDodo · 20/12/2013 11:33

I'm in the "ignore" camp. He's 16, not 6. he asked for (in my book expensive, but I know this is relative) particular presents, was given them and is now having a mard?

Your DH needs to read him the riot act about manners and being grateful!

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