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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give a gift to someone I am no longer friends with?

95 replies

WeAreEternal · 19/12/2013 20:45

I have cut contact with a friend after what I consider to be some unforgivable behaviour. I have no interest in ever being friends again.

We have mutual friends and I have actually gone as far as to stop attending our weekly coffee meet ups just to avoid the ex friend, so as a result I'm not really seeing my other friends now either.

I bought them all gifts quite a while ago, they all know about them as we were together when u bought them.
I have made arrangements to meet the mutual friends after school tomorrow to exchange gifts.

I was chatting with one of the mutual friends earlier and she said that she is happy to "pass on [exfriends] gift if you are still ignoring her"
I told her that I'm not giving ex friend a gift, and she said, "but you bought it for her, she knows you bought it, you are just being silly not to give it to her"
I explained that I genuinely have no interest in reconciling the friendship so I have no intention of giving a gift that cost £40 to someone I don't like.
But she didn't understand and just thought I was being petty and unreasonable.

So MN AIBU?

OP posts:
DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 19/12/2013 20:49

YANBU

What planet is your friend on?!

HoHolepew · 19/12/2013 20:50

She's an idiot.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 19/12/2013 20:51

That was my reaction, but the other mutual friends and two work colleagues I asked also think I should give the exfriend the gift that I bought for her.

OP posts:
lobsterkiller · 19/12/2013 20:54

Nah knickers to that...besides it will send a confusing message to the ex-friend that you are willing to be friends again.

XmasLogAndHollyOn · 19/12/2013 20:54

I wouldn't give a gift to someone I didn't like and didn't want to spend time with.

you could donate it to charity.

volvocowgirl · 19/12/2013 20:55

YADNBU! Keep it for yourself, charity it or give it to someone you do like?

AlistairSim · 19/12/2013 20:57

Bollocks to that.

Why on god's green earth would you give a gift to someone you don't like??
Your other friends are weird.

AlpacaPicnic · 19/12/2013 20:58

No jeffing way would I be giving a gift that cost that much to someone I was no longer friends with.

audreyandrustygriswold · 19/12/2013 20:58

It would make no sense to give her the present. And if you two are no longer friends when on earth would ex friend want a present from you?

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 19/12/2013 20:59

That is why I have no intention of giving her it, I don't want her to think there is any chance of us being friends again.
She has sent a number of text messages basically saying 'I was right to do what I did but I'm sorry it upset you' and suggesting we meet up to talk and "offering an olive branch"
I have no replied to any, even though I really wanted to tell her where to shove her olive branch.

She definitely would like to reconcile the friendship, but I have abs

OP posts:
Original poster
WeAreEternal · 19/12/2013 20:59

Absolutely no interest in that, and I don't want to give her any impression that I do.

OP posts:
whois · 19/12/2013 21:10

Nah, in your situation I wouldn't give her the gift. If you wanted to reconcile that would be different.

ENormaSnob · 19/12/2013 21:13

What did she do?

DoJo · 19/12/2013 21:17

ENorma - so glad you asked as I was beginning to feel like everyone else was being so much more sensible than me because that was all I could think of! YANBU though OP, unless you don't tell us what she did Grin.

Wiifitmama · 19/12/2013 21:18

I had an almost identical situation last Christmas! Spectacular break up with two best friends. Hugely acrimonious - no intention of any reconciliation ever. Really horrible situation. Had to see them socially (because of the kids) in the week before Christmas. I did NOT bring presents for them despite having previously bought some. They turned up with presents including a ridiculously expensive one. I returned them (to them) as I thought it was insane to give present to people you have essentially divorced.

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/12/2013 21:19

Come on, what did she do that was unforgivable?

NicknameIncomplete · 19/12/2013 21:27

The only thing i would give her is a big turd. Grin

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 19/12/2013 21:35

Nickname Grin

OP YADNBU

Your friends are being a bit weird Confused

DorothyBastard · 19/12/2013 21:52

Perhaps the intermediate-friend had her eye on the prezzie you got for bitch-friend and fancied keeping it for herself?

frogspoon · 19/12/2013 22:29

YANBU, why would you give a gift to someone who is not your friend?

You friend is daft.

JeanSeberg · 19/12/2013 22:33

Do all the other friends know the reason for the breakdown of the friendship?

InTheRedCorner · 19/12/2013 22:33

Yanbu.

And anyone that says you are is bonkers.

KatyaRachmanova · 19/12/2013 22:34

YANBU. For all the reasons above.

ToysRLuv · 19/12/2013 22:41

I had this dilemma just now. Decided to bite the bullet and not send gifts. Did send a minimal card, though. I'm such a wuss.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 19/12/2013 22:42

Sod that for a game of toy shoulders, would you give an enemy a present, i bloody wouldnt.

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