Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am BU but by God I wish I'd said something!

62 replies

Heartbrokenmum73 · 19/12/2013 16:16

Was waiting at the bus stop this lunchtime, having a lovely friendly chat with two women (one of them had a pug, we were making a fuss of it). I was quite happy, in a lovely mood, feeling all Christmassy.

The bus came round the corner and people started getting off. This bloke made a beeline straight for me and said (with a smile and in a joking voice) 'I don't think it's going to be a happy Christmas with that face on!'.

I did a double take at him and said 'what face?'. And he pulled a sad face at me. I just went 'oh' and he walked off.

I've had this shit loads during my life. I'm not a miserable person, far from it, but I don't walk around grinning like The Joker or with a coathanger in my mouth! My mouth naturally has a downwards tilt to the corners.

Why is it that some men people think it's ok to pull this crap with women? It's always women they target. Yeah, I'm sure he thinks he was being amusing, but it really isn't, not when you get it a lot anyway. How does he know I haven't just had a death in the family or something.

Would it be wrong of me to pull someone the next time they do this? It killed my good mood right off for a whole five minutes

OP posts:
Felyne · 19/12/2013 16:22

I know what you mean, I haven't had it for a while but I used to get people asking me the whole time what was wrong when nothing was. I just didn't look 'happy' when I was feeling nothing particularly.
I saw a thing on the internet recently calling it 'bitchy resting face' which I think was meant to make light of it.
That guy was a dick though. Who comments on how strangers look? He has no idea what's going on in your life.

JackieOHH · 19/12/2013 16:24

Well he's obviously a nutter, don't waste any more energy on him. I've had this too, my face 'looks' miserable when I'm not, I'm just neutral iykwim? Thinking about nothing much, but not grinning inanely, people think something's wrong! Idiots.

MmeCinqAnneauxDor · 19/12/2013 16:26

Dh often gets asked if he was asleep when people ring. I find it so rude - just cause he doesn't sing out Helloooooooooooooooo in a jaunty voice.

Yes, have an answer ready, so that if it happens again you are prepared. 'Well, that is quite a rude thing to say to a complete stranger' would work.

hiddenhome · 19/12/2013 16:31

According to a lot of men, women are only there as decoration and to entertain them, so they don't want to see a miserable face lest it makes them feel miserable Hmm

sparechange · 19/12/2013 16:32

Google 'bitchy resting face'
Grin

ProfondoRosso · 19/12/2013 16:33

This happens to me sometimes and I'm never sure why! Must be downturned mouth too. Smile

I was in California for work, alone, wandering through a slightly dodgy area as it was getting dark (not having consulted my map) and a man in a hoodie came up to me. "Ma'am?" he says. "Yes?" says I, shaking inwardly. "I'd better see a smile on that pretty face!" Cue terrified rictus grin from me.

Honestly, don't let it bother you. Yes, it's rude for people to pass comment and it sometimes bothers me, but just be glad of the fact you're self-aware enough not to be so cheeky! Xmas Grin

Original poster
Heartbrokenmum73 · 19/12/2013 16:33

Not sure I want to see 'bitchy resting face'!

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/12/2013 16:38

YANBU. My face often looks like I'm "sad" too apparently.

The last time someone actually commented on it is memorable though, I popped in to a shop on the way home from the hospital roughly 1-2 hours after my mum had died.

Him: "Cheer up love, it might never happen".
Me: "It already has".
Him: "Pardon".
Me: "My mum died this morning".
Him: "Oh, jesus, I was only trying to be friendly" (in a stroppy tone).

Nice.

Hiphopopotamus · 19/12/2013 16:38

I get it a lot. Again, I think my mouth just has a downward tilt. I was once getting off a bus after sitting there for a while just happily in my own thoughts. While I was standing up, a man patted my arm and said 'it'll all be ok. Don't worry'. I didn't know what to do, so I just mumbled a thanks!!

snowed · 19/12/2013 16:40

YANBU. Agree with hiddenhome. You can bet the joviality would soon evaporate if you challenged his attitude to women. Why should you have to smile all the time just in case a man sees your face?

Original poster
Heartbrokenmum73 · 19/12/2013 16:41

Santas

That's the reason why I think I should say something next time, that we should all say something, because these idiots may think they're being friendly, but actually (like in your case) they could target the wrong person.

That's exactly what I was thinking after he said it to me today, what if I was genuinely upset about something and he'd just told me 'it wouldn't be a happy Christmas with that face'? How insensitive would that be?

OP posts:
MmeCinqAnneauxDor · 19/12/2013 16:41

Actually, when I think about it - wasn't it this that Michelle Obama was said to be looking grumpy when she was at Mandela's memorial service?

Women are supposed to look pleasant and welcoming at all times, don't you know?

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 19/12/2013 16:43

I get this!!

It pissed me right off.

I hate 'cheer up love!' i was fucking fine until you said that! Nobs!

ALWAYS men, never ever had a woman say that to me.

BlingBang · 19/12/2013 16:45

I always thought I must have a miserable looking face as I've had this quite a few times, maybe they just say it to everyone though. It does piss me off though, especially when I've been walking along in a good mood minding my own business - oh, fuck off!

BitchyFestiveFace · 19/12/2013 16:46

Stupid fucker.

I used to get this a lot when I was younger. Hasn't happened in a while, though.

The good thing about it (bitchy resting face) is that 'tis but a hop, skip and jump from Icy Withering Glare Face, which tends to keep undesirables at an acceptable distance (also works on chuggers).

DancingLady · 19/12/2013 16:47

YANBU this gives me the rage. And yes it is ALWAYS men saying it to women.

Tell them to fuck right off. One of the many, many reasons we still need feminism: because women are supposed to look nice/happy/cheerful all the time.

lostdomain · 19/12/2013 16:47

OP, you are right to be fuming. Wish you'd said, 'Won't be a happy Christmas with you being a mini Hitler to complete strangers.'

When told it might never 'appen by one cheery beery, I told him it just had and my nan had died. She had (ten years earlier) but it was priceless to see his face. He got so apologetic.

Have you seen than funny vid someone posted on another thread about Bitchy Resting Face? It's very funny. (I have one too. DC are always asking if I'm OK when the world is absolutely lovely. Just got grumpy looking jowls. Sad (which means Smile obv.)

ConferencePear · 19/12/2013 16:48

I'm really glad to hear there are others out there. I thought it was just me and Princess Anne.Smile

Original poster
Heartbrokenmum73 · 19/12/2013 16:50

Oh, yes, I forgot about being a lovely, smiley woman at all times.

Anyone else remember the old Harry Enfield 'information films' in black and white? There was a wonderful one about women 'knowing their place' and not joining in with conversations about things like politics. I remember Paul Whitehouse doing this wonderful sneer at one such woman.

'I really don't know much about politics, but I do think kittens are lovely and fluffy' Grin

OP posts:
NadiaWadia · 19/12/2013 16:52

Well, you are in good company. The Queen also 'suffers' from BRF, you know.

weirdthing · 19/12/2013 16:55

I remember coming home, just off the night shift and feeling tired, when a man shouted 'Smile love, it might never happen' at me. I replied, 'Fuck off' to which he responded, 'Ya fucking hippy!' - I still haven't worked this one out... (nb I am not a hippy).

NadiaWadia · 19/12/2013 16:56

And agree, it is a feminist issue. The idiots passing comment would never say this to another man, would they?

And Santa's moron, OMG! Any normal human being would have immediately apologised shamefacedly. And maybe thought twice before doing it again.

Bahhhhhumbug · 19/12/2013 16:56

Yes I apparently look more miserable when my face is in 'resting' position as I get older. I have noticed in pics l look glum unless l am actually smiling /laughing. Never used to it's probably just gravity and fleshier jowels from two stone weight gain . I once heard those nose to chin lines called 'marionette' lines by a man (of course !) in our local pub. I thought 'how cruel' and spent rest of night grinning inanely in case they used me as a case in point ! Grin .

Ignore OP or if it really bothers you there are lots of procedures you can have done these days to improve or reduce this 'glum' look.

Just make sure you do it for you and only if you really want it though and not for some rude idiot at a bus stop.

Original poster
Heartbrokenmum73 · 19/12/2013 17:00

I suspect that if I said something back, I'd get verbal abuse, as other posters have.

Just proves what a sexist pile of bollocks it is in the first place really, doesn't it?

OP posts:
chipshop · 19/12/2013 17:04

I get this a lot too, I HATE it. Was at a gig last week, some idiot was going past me to get to his seat and he shouted IT'S CHRISTMAS, CHEER UP AND BE MERRY in my face. Then tried to chat to me. I was sending a tricky work email and felt like telling him to fuck off.