I don't think I am BU but by God I wish I'd said something!

[Heartbrokenmum73]

Was waiting at the bus stop this lunchtime, having a lovely friendly chat with two women (one of them had a pug, we were making a fuss of it). I was quite happy, in a lovely mood, feeling all Christmassy.

The bus came round the corner and people started getting off. This bloke made a beeline straight for me and said (with a smile and in a joking voice) 'I don't think it's going to be a happy Christmas with that face on!'.

I did a double take at him and said 'what face?'. And he pulled a sad face at me. I just went 'oh' and he walked off.

I've had this shit loads during my life. I'm not a miserable person, far from it, but I don't walk around grinning like The Joker or with a coathanger in my mouth! My mouth naturally has a downwards tilt to the corners.

Why is it that some men people think it's ok to pull this crap with women? It's always women they target. Yeah, I'm sure he thinks he was being amusing, but it really isn't, not when you get it a lot anyway. How does he know I haven't just had a death in the family or something.

Would it be wrong of me to pull someone the next time they do this? It killed my good mood right off for a whole five minutes

Apparently I frown a lot but I don't know I'm doing it - must just be my default face

It must be true though as I'm getting one of those furrows in between my eyebrows so soon I'll just have a permanent frown on :)

oooo I do get irritated - even angry - about men presuming they can comment on women in public like this.

But I did something about it just yesterday. I was in an airport lounge, catching up with work before a flight, and having my lunch at the same time. I was hunting for something I wanted to drink in the little bar fridges they have in those executive lounges, and a man next to me said
"Oh face it, be honest, you really want a drink, don't you?"
obvs. meaning an alcoholic drink.

I turned around and looked at him, raised my eyebrow, and said in my best and haughtiest voice, "Excuse me, were you talking to me?" He looked embarrassed and said "Oh don't mind me." Which I think was as close as I was going to get to an apology from him.

So I was pleased I wasn't the submissive smiling woman and didn't laugh at his "joke", but called him on it. Problem is, most of the time women of my generation at least, have been socialised to be compliant and laugh at ourselves in this awful way. And we're also taught to be polite and don't think to confront such sexist pigs.

I wish I'd had even more courage to ask him why he thought it was OK to address a random woman in such a disrespectful way. He behaved as if he had the right to comment publicly on my behaviour.

Sexist bastard.

Another one who's had this sort of thing quite regularly- from men and women, especially at work. Apparently when typing away at a computer and being generally busy/ thinking etc, I should also plaster an inane grin across my face just in case anyone happens look at me concentrating and assume I'm a miserable twat.

I sometimes used to get this when I was younger. I think any woman who isn't smiling like a loon at all times gets accused of being miserable. You never hear women say it to men, or men say it to other men.

There must be a witty riposte, though, surely?

My mother used to frequently snap at me "What's wrong with you? You've got a face like fizz."

Coming from her, that was a bit rich. And I never found out what "fizz" was.

Yanbu, but I'm still trying to think of a clever comeback.

This used to happen to me loads when I was younger! A teacher used to stand at the gate as we walked into school and quite often I would get a 'Cheer up!' kind of comment. I did occasionally get a bit stroppy and say 'I was fine until you said that!'

DancingLady is right, it is sexist. There was a thread on this in FWR recently, and someone suggested that when a man says "cheer up love, it might never happen", a good riposte is "well you're talking to me, so it already has"! I am waiting to use this as I definitely have bitchy resting face.

I get this too. I have a downturning mouth and my default face is scary, grumpy or sad, depending on the man's someone's point of view.

Last time I had the 'cheer up' phrase, I was walking back from a funeral.

Heart, do we need to roll out the cunt bunting? He was an arse. A cuntarse. Carse.

I have a very dour expression when at peace. My face does something nice but wholly unattractive when I'm full of glee. I can't win. Cunt.

It comes from women too though.

The worst one I ever heard was from the author Susan Hill. A taxi driver said it to her as she was leaving the John Radcliffe Hospital after her five week old baby had just died, after being born at 26 weeks.
"Cheer up love, it might never happen."
"It already has you stupid man. My baby is dead."

Dreadful :(

Cunt bunting - I love it

It's a waste of time thinking up witty ripostes to this sort of thing - all you'll get is abuse (because the impulse behind it is misogyny). Best to go in hard with a simple 'FUCK OFF'. In extreme cases, 'FUCK OFF YOU WANKER'.

It's the only language they understand.

HesterShaw, surely the example you give was a man doing it to a woman? I have never come across a woman doing this, and a man doing it to another man is absolutely unthinkable.

Used to work in a shop.

Old lady •you'd be so pretty if you smiled, love*

Me cat's bum face

I also gave another example of my mother frequently doing it to me. As far as I know, she's a woman.

My answer would have been, 'what, yours or mine ?' Said with a, 'if you can't take it, don't dish it out smile.

Perhaps followed with, 'the pug is better looking than any of us' just to make sure he was going on his way.

I hate this too. Have only ever had it from men, personally.

You're right as well, anyone who says that blokes will say it to a (usually lone) female. They would not say it to another bloke or expect it to be said to them. A female would not say that to a bloke.

I get this a lot, but I have discovered that my 'normal, not-thinking-about-much, gazing-into-space' face, doesn't just look miserable but downright angry sometimes! A boyfriend once rang me when I got to work to ask if everything was OK - his train had gone past my station and he'd seen me stood there looking like thunder. But I wasn't!

Love the "it already has; you are talking to me now" riposte . I think it would enhanced by a "kiss my arse, toss breath" for desert too.

I'm forever getting told that I look upset/unhappy. I'm not it's honestly just my face! I don't want to feel like I have to apologise for that. YANBU.

MrsOakenshield - saw your other half at the cinema yesterday

He was very good!

Ah yes; another "grumpy in repose" here. And any comeback is met with "I was only having a laugh/being friendly". No, you were criticising my appearance and that is fucking rude.