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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DH should have agreed with me?

69 replies

AddictedtoGreys · 18/12/2013 15:12

we have just had a request for someone to view our house tomorrow, bit short notice but OK, we want to get it sold so not going to turn anyone down.

its a man on his own, I said to my DH that I am a bit uncomfortable being here with the man on my own and our baby, as I wouldn't let a random bloke in off the street if he knocked on my door, but that's technically what I will be doing,

he said, "you can't go through life like that"

what the actual fuck.

I would have thought as my husband he would be in to total agreement! I swear he lives with his head in the sand and pays no attention to the horrible things that go on in the real world Angry

I just wanted him to come home for an hour, but he can do one now. I will just ask one of my friends.

so am I being unreasonable feeling like I would rather not be Alone with this stranger? Shock

OP posts:
Eastwickwitch · 18/12/2013 15:13

What about the EA?
If you feel uncomfortable ask one of the team to show people round. Thats perfectly reasonable.

CiderBomb · 18/12/2013 15:13

No, I wouldn't want to be on my own in the house with some strange man I didn't know either.

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 18/12/2013 15:15

It wouldn't bother me - not every man you meet is a rapist. However, it's the estate agent's job to show people round - that's what you're paying them for (amongst other things), so you can request that someone comes with the viewer.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 18/12/2013 15:15

I think it is not about whether it is U to be concerned it is that he knows you are and doesn't care. There are plenty of things I don't like or DH doesn't like and we help the other with. He helps we because I am irrationally afraid of flying. I help him haggle because he would lose the farm. That's marriage.

We had an estate agent murdered near us going to a property to meet a 'buyer'.

lessonsintightropes · 18/12/2013 15:16

Mention Suzy Lamplugh to your husband if he's slow in showing support. And don't do it - YANBU.

EeyoreIsh · 18/12/2013 15:17

hmm, I think you're being a bit unreasonable. Why don't you get the estate agent to be there, that's one of things you pay commission for.

Aworryingtrend · 18/12/2013 15:17

YANBU and I sympathise as my DH is exactly the same- sees the good in everyone, seems to be completely unaware that sadly terrible things do happen in life. I can just imagine him saying the same thing to me. Especially as you have the baby with you, apart from anything else I don't imagine you would be able to give the viewer your full attention and answer any questions he may have? For that reason alone YANBU.

MammaTJ · 18/12/2013 15:18

Good point about the estate agent. I would definitely be getting them to come.

Original poster
AddictedtoGreys · 18/12/2013 15:19

unfortunately we are using an online agent so we don't get someone showing the people around, we have to do it ourselves, and I totally agree, not every man is a rapist or murderer, but they don't have Neon signs above their heads either when they are.

its just a situation I would rather avoid.

OP posts:
curlew · 18/12/2013 15:19

Just put your tinfoil hat on- you'll be fine!

Seriously- won't the estate agent be there?

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 18/12/2013 15:21

YABU? I don't understand why this would make you uncomfortable, to be honest. Do you feel uncomfortable when in other situations with men? In a taxi with a male driver, for example?
Living alone, I often have to let men into my house for whatever reason. They're just people!

ArgyMargy · 18/12/2013 15:21

You are being a bit paranoid. What do you think is going to happen? Have you been reading that thread about the inappropriate postie?

newforest · 18/12/2013 15:22

Estate agents usually arrange to meet potential purchasers at the property and show them around. It's what you pay them to do (they rake enough in commission fees; it's the least they should do!).

Eastwickwitch · 18/12/2013 15:23

Did you discuss who'd do the viewings when you made the decision to use an online EA? If he agrees to do them because you're uncomfortable then you need to advise prospective buyers that viewing times will be restricted to when DH is there.

Original poster
AddictedtoGreys · 18/12/2013 15:23

I know, I feel like I'm being a bit paranoid to be honest. I just know a few women things have happened too and it feels a bit too close to home sometimes! Confused

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 18/12/2013 15:23

So you would never have any sort of workman in the house if DH was not there? You would never have a meeting at work with a man you'd never met before? You'd never go in a shop if there was just you and a man serving? Because I can't quite see why any of those situations are any different?
And tbh, if you don't have an estate agent and you won't show people round on your own, you may find organising viewings tricky.

EeyoreIsh · 18/12/2013 15:25

Sorry, but I do think you're overreacting. How would you cope if you didn't have DH there, is it really any different from having a plumber etc around?

Original poster
AddictedtoGreys · 18/12/2013 15:26

redskyatnight its not men in general I don't want to be around, I think its just because we will be shut in my house. perhaps I am being a but of a pansy!! Shock

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 18/12/2013 15:26

I agree with your husband. I'm on my own & it really doesn't bother me. Can't see that a rapist would want to a view a house on the off chance that a lone woman would be showing him round. Just keep your phone in your hand for comfort.

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 18/12/2013 15:27

How far away does DH work? to be fair, it's not that easy to take time out of your working day.

This situation will probably happen quite often until you sell your house, so you're going to need to come up with a stragegy to cope - either have a friend on standby at short notice, or take a deep breath, take the plunge, and let the viewer(s) in. Unreasonable to expect DH to come home every time, unless he's not that bothered about keeping his job.

Original poster
AddictedtoGreys · 18/12/2013 15:27

redhelenb yes true.

OP posts:
defineme · 18/12/2013 15:29

It wouldn't bother me, though I suppose most people I let in the house have a connection with a company-and the company is known to me.
I think that what's important is you're bothered and that is your right. However, he has a right to disagree. Get a friend over.
The only thing I would say is that the man didn't/doesn't know you'll be there on your own.

ElizabethBathory · 18/12/2013 15:30

I think you're being a bit paranoid. I'm frequently shut in my house alone with a variety of strange men (plumbers, builders, electricians) and they're lovely! Of course, your DH should be supportive and understanding when you're afraid or worried about something rather than dismissing you. But yes. You are being a pansy Grin

quesadilla · 18/12/2013 15:31

I think you are being a tad OTT to be honest. Hard to see how you could interact with any male if you treat them all as potential rapists. You can't expect your significant other to interrupt what he is doing every time a situation calls for you to be in a room on your own with someone make. It's all quite Victorian.

JeanSeberg · 18/12/2013 15:31

I presume you're not working at the moment whereas your husband would have to take time off at short notice to do the viewing?

Who did you agree would do the viewings when you put the property on the market?