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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I paranoid and over-sensitive or is my sister being a cow?

22 replies

SourSweets · 17/12/2013 23:13

My perception is a little warped as I know I do have issues surrounding this particular topic, which is why I'm asking.

I've posted about my sister before, who is very very selfish and infuriatingly up her own arse, but she's not usually intentionally malicious.

She's recently started making comments not about me directly (although there have been a few "is that your dress? Woah, it's huge!" comments) but about women who have had children. I have a 4 month old baby myself which is why I feel like her comments are aimed at me. Not that it should matter, but I am only a size 10 so definitely not huge, but I used to be a 6-8.

Things like: "she said she had a baby but I saw her stomach and she didn't have that post baby belly so I didn't believe her"

And

"Beyoncé looks great considering she's had a baby"

Basically insinuating that women who have had children will never be as attractive as women who haven't.

Am I reading way too much into this? I'm on the verge of confronting her about it (actually I did but it was ignored so I'm on the verge of going in harder next time) but I don't want to if I'm just being an arse and projecting my own post-childbirth insecurities.

Thank you, as always.

OP posts:

CailinDana · 17/12/2013 23:22

A mixture of the two I think. It's true that Beyonce looks good and that women who've had babies have a post baby belly but it's tactless to mention those things to a new mum. I'd probably draw her attention to it by saying "oh like me you mean?!'

MatryoshkaDoll · 17/12/2013 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoMomma · 17/12/2013 23:24

I have a baby and I sort of agree with her. hewever if she has form it probably is aimed at you sadly

I was always a 14/16 but had a flat stomach. now I have that infuriating pouch, and bags under my eyes, and back fat etc lol

just reply 'wouldnt we all if we had nannies and an entourage of people to do our hair and makeup every morning'

and if she keeps on just tell her to give her broken record a rest, she sounds bloody horrid.

HoHoHopasholic · 17/12/2013 23:27

Does she have any DC's herself? Sounds like sour grapes, soursweets

She's putting you down because she's jealous and has had her nose pushed out of joint. Don't rise to it.

Onesleeptillwembley · 17/12/2013 23:31

She's not git a clue. And not everyone has a 'post baby belly'. I had a flat tum immediately after my first 2, and within 24 hours of my third. Nothing to be proud of, not down to anything I did,it was just the way it was -my boobs were buggered though--.

Original poster

SourSweets · 17/12/2013 23:34

No she doesn't have children. She has a very new partner and was previously always going on about how lucky I am to have my husband. Which I am, but I kissed my fair share of dickheads before I found him.

She has a totally flat stomach herself and a great body (which she also loves to remind me of) so she really doesn't need to stick the knife in.

OP posts:

NoComet · 17/12/2013 23:56

She's a shallow cow and I'd tell her so!

RubyGoat · 18/12/2013 00:00

Definitely sour grapes. YANBU. She's being malicious. Force feed her lard

Original poster

SourSweets · 18/12/2013 00:08

she's the type of person to get her belly out to show everyone how "bloated" she is after eating one chocolate.

She came to visit me 2 days after I had the baby and literally her first words were "oh, you still look pregnant!" I'd put that to the back of my mind but now I'm more aware of it it's like my brain is cataloging all these comments that I'd really rather forget.

OP posts:

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 18/12/2013 00:54

what would you rather have? flat stomach or a lovely baby?

she sounds quite shallow. beauty, and flat stomachs do not last. gravity catches up with us all. granted for some it comes sooner than others..

hollyisalovelyname · 18/12/2013 07:31

Stop focusing on what she says. If the thought comes into your mind, flick it out.
She has ishoos.
Not you.
What age is she?
She should act her age, not her shoe size!
She sounds empty and vacuous.

bluestar2 · 18/12/2013 08:25

She sounds jealous. After 2 children I now weigh less than I did before but but stomach is buggered. I still have a jelly belly that wobbles and stretch marks to make you cry nearly a year after the second. Your body shape changes after children and while some people are lucky that it pings right back, others are fortunate to have a team of personal trainers pounding them in to shape (ie. beyonce and she looks amazing) most don't so you enjoy your little one and all the things that come with it and enjoy your first christmas with your baby and dh.

ViviPru · 18/12/2013 09:17

OP I'm the younger sister without kids, my sister has 2 and has really battled with her weight. While being far from Beyonce-esque, I'm really into my keep-fit and in my sister's eyes I probably have the perfect figure (I really honestly don't).

I would never DREAM of saying the kind of things your sister has, in fact I actively avoid any kind of comparison/comment on figure as I imagine it's something she might be sensitive about and I would be being an utter cow if I did.

I think your sister IS being an utter cow, knows she's doing it and as other posters have said is trying to put you down because she is jealous.

WhateverLove · 18/12/2013 09:37

She's jealous. Love your body - it carried your beautiful baby and when it's important enough to you, you'll get back to your body confident weight. There are far more important things going on for you right now.

When she makes these comments, think how jealous she is and make a smug "hmph" sound!

TalkativeJim · 18/12/2013 09:42

A smiling - 'There's no need to be jealous, you know - I'm sure you'll have babies of your own one day!' might knock it on the head :)

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 18/12/2013 09:46

She sounds so dull - I don't understand people who are obsessed with weight. I understand wanting to look fit and healthy but not the constant dwelling on it that a lot of people seem to do. I put weight on after DC2 who is just a year old and it's taken me that long to lose it, it just wasn't the most important thing in the world. Size 10, is by no stretch of the imagination, fat AND you've got something even better than a 'perfect' figure so you win, really.

Holdthepage · 18/12/2013 10:13

YANBU, she is. Anyone who tells a new mother that she still looks pregnant is downright rude. It's bad enough when it it said unintentionally but when it is a deliberate jibe it is a vile thing to say.

SomethingOnce · 18/12/2013 10:33

Def sounds like the green-eyed monster

openerofjars · 18/12/2013 10:43

Rise above it: a lovely snuggly baby beats a flat stomach, hands down.

She is jealous of you and showing it in a very childish way.

If it helps, three days after I had DD, my next door neighbour (female) slapped me on the bum and said, "Got any more babies in there, eh?", so I killed and ate her , but she was famous for being very rude and meant it in a jolly way. Your sister isn't doing it in a jolly way but is trying to get up your nose. Don't let her.

Also, a size 10 is well tiny.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 18/12/2013 11:05

when i got back from hospital after DC3 my neighbour asked me 'what are you still doing here anyway'? Meaning why haven't I had the baby yet... Ouch! There's more to life than a flat stomach. I've grown quite attached to my round belly anyway.

Topaz25 · 18/12/2013 11:17

It sounds like she is jealous of your relationship and family so is focusing on what she has, her body. She seems sad and shallow. Don't let her get to you, I would use the Mumsnet classic "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Original poster

SourSweets · 18/12/2013 11:28

Thank you everyone, I feel a bit better now.

Yes, she is younger, she's 24 but very emotionally immature. She really lacks empathy which is why I usually take everything she says with a pinch of salt because I know it's come from not thinking rather than actively trying to upset me but this does feel different.

Her being jealous would fit with other comments she's made. She also hates not being the center of attention at family get-togethers which she isn't anymore (my baby is the first grandchild and the first boy for 15 years so everyone goes wild for him).

I would far rather have my baby than my old figure, and it's not a priority for me to diet right now, particularly as I'm exclusively breast feeding, but I am quite self-conscious about my appearance. I've tried to hide this from her but it's not made a difference.

OP posts:

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