To ask who is being unreasonable in my family?

[MrsUptight]

Long story short...my older brother is in hospital. He's a troublesome man...but still my brother....my Mum is visiting him in a distant city on a daily basis on two trains and a bus (she's 67 and works part time and is knackering herself with this.

I can't go to see him as I work and also am looking after his dog.

We had plans to spend Christmas at Mum;s...me, my DH and DC and my sister and her DC...and my brother. Howver it now looks like brother is going to be in hospital still as his op wont happen till Christmas.

My Mum is intent on going to see my brother on Christmas day and has told me this morning that she will ask my sister's husband to drive her there as no trains on Christmas day...we have no car and my DH can't drive...nor can I...Mum CAN drive but has never driven to this city and basically won't...she'd panic.

My sister just told me that she will be refusing for her DH to drive my Mum to the hospital because my sis thinks that Mum should not go on Christmas day but should continue with the original plan for us all to go there...and that Mum is obcessing over my brother who is not dangerously ill but has no wife and in mum's words "Hasn't got anyone"

Now I see both sides...Mum won't want my bro alone on Christmas day but my sister is adamant that her DC won't lose their Dad for "hours and hours" on Christmas day so my Mum can visit my bro (who is not a good person in some ways...borrows money and doesn't pay back etc...has been in and out of trouble with the law)

I am sad. I don't care what happens but I don't want anyone unhappy. Mum wont be able to afford a taxi....I could offer to chip in I suppose but it will be tight.

[Tapiocapearl]

I think your mum should do it despite your DH offering. The roads will be deserted. It will be easier then normal and maybe someone could try a dummie run with her Sunday afternoon.

[RaspberryRuffle]

Glad you're sorted OP, it sounds stressful, but your sister is not being unreasonable. If it's a 30 min drive that means your BIL would either spend 2 hours driving (there and back twice if your Mum wants to stay a while with DB) or hanging around the hospital waiting for her - would she really only stay for an hour? It's not fair on any children or your DSis/BIL.

Might be worth checking the possibility of DB being discharged for the day if his condition allows?

Remember though you can't always fix everything, accepting that helps. Your mum is CHOOSING not to drive there and then CHOOSING to ask of her son in law something that she doesn't want to do herself. If your brother will be in hospital longer term she has the choice to take it slowly, plan the journey and go when roads are quieter.

[MidniteScribbler]

Gosh you all sound pretty horrible really. Poor man is stuck in hospital on christmas day, his mother wants to see him and none of you can spare two hours out of your precious day to help out.

Leave at 9am get there at 9:30, stay for an hour, be back by 11. Two people could go while the other two (pick whichever two people in this scenario at the best/most willing to cook) stay at her house and get the lunch ready. Everyone's back by 11, and can enjoy their day without thinking about the inconvenience of their brother.

However, if it were me, I'd spend the morning cooking and bundling everything up in to travel containers, loading everyone in the cars and show up at the hospital at lunchtime and have a hospital room picnic with brother so that he's not left out of the celebrations.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

I hate it when people don't RTFT

[MidniteScribbler]

Oh, I read TFT HeartsTrumpsDiamonds, and I still think they're being ridiculous. There are plenty of options that could help out, but the OP is more annoyed about her christmas being disturbed by her brother being ill.

[EvaBeaversProtege]

She's also being plain rude to posters who have taken the time to reply to her thread.

Times like this I can't halo but wonder if posters are as 'pleasant' as this in real life.. If so, don't visit your brother on Christmas Day, it wouldn't do him any good.

[friday16]

his mother wants to see him

But not enough to use her driving license and car and drive for 30 minutes on the day when the roads are the quietist they'll ever be.

[Cerisier]

Thanks for your useless input though

Nice one OP. You sound charming.

[greenfolder]

Op hope you all have a great Xmas good on dp for saving the day. Can't believe you still have the dog,you are a saint!

[LucyLasticKnickers]

your sisteris being unreasonable. btw.

[MrsUptight]

Midnite you obviously DID NOT read the thread. Your suggestion is EXACTLY what is happening and with good will! You must be on another planet to say that about me! I clearly said I was glad to help!

[5HundredUsernamesLater]

I read the thread and what struck me throughout is how rude OP seemed to be to people who had made time to reply.

[MidniteScribbler]

But not enough to use her driving license and car and drive for 30 minutes on the day when the roads are the quietist they'll ever be.

If she's not confident driving, then she should not be on the road! Pushing a nervous driver to do something they aren't comfortable with is a disaster waiting to happen. I would much prefer a driver admit that they aren't comfortable driving for any reason and help them out than force them to be on the road when they shouldn't be.

[hackmum]

Well done to your DH for offering his services. It seems like a very sensible solution. I don't think your sister was BU though.

[friday16]

If she's not confident driving, then she should not be on the road!

Exactly. Someone who can't do a half hour drive on Christmas day shouldn't be on any road.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

OP, this is a public forum - Just because you have suddenly announced that the problem has been solved by your DH without any effort from you it doesn't mean that people are no longer allowed to give their advice / voice their opinion. MN doesn't really work like that.

Your attitude is terrible, I wish people hadn't helped you with responses tbh.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Your suggestion is EXACTLY what is happening

No it's not. Midnite suggested an earlier time and suggested you all go to the hospital to see DB. Why don't YOU read the thread properly.

[MrsUptight]

Tiffany You seem to give FAR too much of a shit about a small issue in someone elses family. Why don't you go and do something productive now?

And it's not NO effort from me. I have had my brothers nutty dog for three weeks now...and I will be doing ALL the cooking alone while my DH takes my Mum.

You really need to go off and get a bit of a life now. Your anger is misplaced

[nennypops]

I think that OP's responses to some fairly unnecessarily aggressive and judgmental posts are not unreasonable. I can also understand why she's concerned about her mother - if she really wants to visit her son and can't, it's going to spoil her own Christmas. So good on OP's dh.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

You are the one giving a shit about it - Hence writing a long post about it. YoI will tell you again as you are clearly unaware - You are posting on a public forum asking for opinions. We are giving them.

And, I'm not angry, I'm in a great mood today!

I just really dislike rude people.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Oops typey typo. *I will tell

[MrsUptight]

Thank you nenny I think some people just wade in without reading the whole thing.

I've done my best to make sure everyone's happy...I wouldn't have a good time if Mum was anxious about my brother and I don;t want him with no visitors on Christmas day. He's actually pleased that DH is going...he likes him and DH never judges him.

[MrsUptight]

Tiffany maybe so but your "opinions" seem skewed by general bitterness or similar.

[5HundredUsernamesLater]

I agree with Tiffanys last post and also think that mrs Uptight seems a very apt name for the OP. she has been unnecessarily rude throughout the whole thread. Worried or not, there is no need for it.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

I read every word of the thread and I feel (as others have said further upthread) you are rude and ungrateful of the help people have tried to give. That doesn't make me bitter.