To ask who is being unreasonable in my family?

[MrsUptight]

Long story short...my older brother is in hospital. He's a troublesome man...but still my brother....my Mum is visiting him in a distant city on a daily basis on two trains and a bus (she's 67 and works part time and is knackering herself with this.

I can't go to see him as I work and also am looking after his dog.

We had plans to spend Christmas at Mum;s...me, my DH and DC and my sister and her DC...and my brother. Howver it now looks like brother is going to be in hospital still as his op wont happen till Christmas.

My Mum is intent on going to see my brother on Christmas day and has told me this morning that she will ask my sister's husband to drive her there as no trains on Christmas day...we have no car and my DH can't drive...nor can I...Mum CAN drive but has never driven to this city and basically won't...she'd panic.

My sister just told me that she will be refusing for her DH to drive my Mum to the hospital because my sis thinks that Mum should not go on Christmas day but should continue with the original plan for us all to go there...and that Mum is obcessing over my brother who is not dangerously ill but has no wife and in mum's words "Hasn't got anyone"

Now I see both sides...Mum won't want my bro alone on Christmas day but my sister is adamant that her DC won't lose their Dad for "hours and hours" on Christmas day so my Mum can visit my bro (who is not a good person in some ways...borrows money and doesn't pay back etc...has been in and out of trouble with the law)

I am sad. I don't care what happens but I don't want anyone unhappy. Mum wont be able to afford a taxi....I could offer to chip in I suppose but it will be tight.

[liquidstate]

I think I remember your thread about the dog - I hope you are managing to cope. You are already doing so much for your DB already. I am glad your DH is offering to help out and I hope your mum appreciates it. If it helps tell her there will much less traffic on the day so her driving should be much easier.

I think older parents especially feel they need to be with their DC on Christmas day, especially as they get older and have less work worries and small children to look after.

I think you are being very generous to your brother who as Frys said above has been babied by your DM.

[FrysChocolateCream]

Mrs Uptight, just wanted to say I feel very sorry for you as though I don't know any background to this, just from this thread it is obvious that your mother is very difficult, babying her adult son and no doubt you have always got the crumbs. I hope you have a lovely Christmas Day.

[Lifeisaboxofchocs]

Uptight by name, uptight by nature

[DoingItForMyself]

And fwiw I'm with the sister, Christmas is about children and taking someone's dad out of the equation for half of the day to visit an adult is unnecessary. Your DB needs to grow up.

[DoingItForMyself]

Have RTFT and agree that OP is being unnecessarily rude and abrupt to people who are trying to help withy the dilemma which was posted.

This obviously has no importance to anyone but OP and her family, but the joy of MN is that we are all happy to offer help, advice and sympathy even though it doesn't concern us at all.

If you want people to butt out and mind their own business rather than become over-invested in your logistical issues then don't bother posting OP.

[haveyourselfashandy]

Your sister is not being unreasonable to put her foot down.I would have done the same if I was her.

[MrsUptight]

Lol!

[TaraLott]

NO!, you are!

[MrsUptight]

I think you are.

[5HundredUsernamesLater]

Helping??? and Nobody accused you of being a bad person but I still think you seem a very rude person.

[MrsUptight]

Oh do get real! I'm obviously not a bad person. Out of my siblings, I am the ONLY one who is helping!

[5HundredUsernamesLater]

I'm still confused as to why someone goes to the trouble of writing a post asking for advice and then goes on to be rude to everyone who didn't give her a satisfactory solution. I'm not usually so rude but OP I would really cherish that dog if i were you because if you treat people in RL as you have on here you may be relying on him for company.

[MrsUptight]

Zoo maybe...it's longer on the train you see which is how Mum has been getting there. Takes her more than an hour....Mum's car is not big enough for all of us.

The children can't go in where he is....I agree about Mum's feelings. DB isn't a BAD man. He makes crappy choices though.

[weregoingtothezoo]

I think maybe calling somewhere half an hour's drive away "a distant city" perhaps skewed people's responses.

Why don't you all go and see him? Awesome lesson for the DC that Christmas is essentially about other people and will help with forgiveness and clearing the air. Can lunch not be at a different time?

Anyway I do feel for your mum. She's showing this massive amount of unconditional love) regardless of what your brother has done - and everyone else is making value judgements.

[MrsUptight]

Nonsense. I've been polite to those who didn't judge without reading the thread properly.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

I read every word of the thread and I feel (as others have said further upthread) you are rude and ungrateful of the help people have tried to give. That doesn't make me bitter.

[5HundredUsernamesLater]

I agree with Tiffanys last post and also think that mrs Uptight seems a very apt name for the OP. she has been unnecessarily rude throughout the whole thread. Worried or not, there is no need for it.

[MrsUptight]

Tiffany maybe so but your "opinions" seem skewed by general bitterness or similar.

[MrsUptight]

Thank you nenny I think some people just wade in without reading the whole thing.

I've done my best to make sure everyone's happy...I wouldn't have a good time if Mum was anxious about my brother and I don;t want him with no visitors on Christmas day. He's actually pleased that DH is going...he likes him and DH never judges him.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Oops typey typo. *I will tell

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

You are the one giving a shit about it - Hence writing a long post about it. YoI will tell you again as you are clearly unaware - You are posting on a public forum asking for opinions. We are giving them.

And, I'm not angry, I'm in a great mood today!

I just really dislike rude people.

[nennypops]

I think that OP's responses to some fairly unnecessarily aggressive and judgmental posts are not unreasonable. I can also understand why she's concerned about her mother - if she really wants to visit her son and can't, it's going to spoil her own Christmas. So good on OP's dh.

[MrsUptight]

Tiffany You seem to give FAR too much of a shit about a small issue in someone elses family. Why don't you go and do something productive now?

And it's not NO effort from me. I have had my brothers nutty dog for three weeks now...and I will be doing ALL the cooking alone while my DH takes my Mum.

You really need to go off and get a bit of a life now. Your anger is misplaced

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Your suggestion is EXACTLY what is happening

No it's not. Midnite suggested an earlier time and suggested you all go to the hospital to see DB. Why don't YOU read the thread properly.

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

OP, this is a public forum - Just because you have suddenly announced that the problem has been solved by your DH without any effort from you it doesn't mean that people are no longer allowed to give their advice / voice their opinion. MN doesn't really work like that.

Your attitude is terrible, I wish people hadn't helped you with responses tbh.