about what people think about my little boy?

[LeBFG]

I winced inwardly recently on a couple of occasions where my 3yo boy has been doing stuff, totally harmless, and mums over reacting. I can't decide if I'm being overly precious.

The incidents are nothing especially interesting: DS was checking on a baby in a pram and mum barged up (baby was asleep) and pulled DS hard enough for DS to fall over. She just automatically assumed DS was going to wake the baby or do something nasty. I can't help feeling he would have been treated very differently if he was a girl. The other occasion was rolling around on the mat in playgroup - one mum smartly told him to watch it. There are two other girls of the same age doing the same thing and everyone was laughing good naturedly at them.

I know my DS is a gentle creature but I think a lot of people (women says DH) are seeing his sex and assuming gender stereotypes that just don't apply. This makes me feel sad and I wonder what the future holds for him.

Am I being a totally over-protective wobbly mummy?

Hmm. I wouldn't let my 3yo (who happens to be a girl) approach a sleeping baby in a pram. Or roll around on the floor if there were lots of children around playing.

Three children is lots? Mmmmk

These cries of 'gender stereotyping' can be a bit annoying actually and I really don't accept them as anything more than 'shouting down'.

Do we really need to insert 'on balance of probability', 'in all likelihood', 'based on my experience' and 'of course there are exceptions', before each and every statement?

Up to a certain age, children don't have the capacity to be 'naughty' anyway, whatever their gender.

Boys are often physically stronger than girls; they just are.
Some boys are often quicker in their movements; they just are.
Finally, some boys enjoy more rough and tumble activities than girls; they just do.
If you add those factors together (now insert 'disclaimer phrase' of choice) and add to this the fact that the parent concerned doesn't know your child(ren)... you can see how these situations can arise.

I find most parents Ott even to their own kids about stuff like this. My dd (3) was sitting in a playground and a little boy came over and started playing with her hair. They were both laughing and my dd really found it funny. Then his dad came over, told him to stop it and told him off. So unnecessary.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If somebody pulled my DS so hard that they fell over I would be furious. What a ridiculous overreaction.

And I don't understand why another child's parent would take issue at your DS rolling on a mat either?

I don't know why some posters think it is strange not to want an older child looking in at a sleeping baby... Yes they could wake them. Also if the baby is very little and particularly not yet immunised there are very real risks from things like d&v, bad colds, whooping cough and chicken pox. Little kids harbour lots of germs and may not be immunised themselves. I say this as a mum of a baby but also of older kids who have had all sorts of illness and often been brewing things before I would have known they were.

I quite often tell random children to "watch out" or "be careful" - not in a nasty way, just to bring their attention to the fact there are other people around, which ALL young children forget or don't realise most of the time. It's really not meant as a criticism and now I'm wondering if the parents have been offended by it!

Mum of baby shouldn't have pulled him away from the pram so violently but perhaps she was sleep deprived and/or that nap was hard won! People can get a bit crazy about baby sleep, especially when they're not doing a lot of it themselves.

I think it's really odd Mutley.

Oh and IMO the woman who pulled your son away should be reported to the police. No one has a right to touch your child in a manner like that. She could have moved her pram away or just gently steered him away... I know I will get shot down for saying this but treating a child like that is really horrid. I'm sure she wouldn't have done the same to an adult.

The fact is though DS is a small build and not at all boisterous or loud. Not at all 'typically' boy-like. I remember the girls at the playgroup running around unchecked but the boys being shouted at to walk. I read a lot about the dangers of girl stereotypes so I'm checking if I'm over analysing .

I was bf outside when DS went over to the pram a little distance away. I tried to shout over but the mum got to the pram first. I was really angry about what she did, but by the time I'd tucked self in and got over to the pram she had stomped off again and I didn't fancy going along after her.

These are all minor incidents BTW I know, but they serve the purpose to illustrate this little unease that's building in me. DH was an introverted character at school and hated it. I just...dunno, wondered if anyone felt similarly?

She pulled your DS hard enough for him to fall over? What did she say after that, what did you say?

Agreed with SparklingBrook. If I saw an older child looking in my pram, my instinct would be to say "hello" to him/her & have a conversation... not to flip out and tug him/her to the ground.

I agree that boys get told off for 'being boys'. I don't mean behaving badly but they have so much energy, they need to run/jump/play fight etc! They can't help it, I tell people my son is like a dog, I need to take him to the park every day for a run!

I think people do gender stereotype children.

However, alot of the time it seems to be that people have higher expectations of girls, and the boys get away with alot with people saying "boys will be boys".

It is just as unfair if people are assuming your ds will be naughty because he is a boy, though.

On a more general note, if boys really are being told they are boisterous and on the verge of doing dangerous things when they aren't, isn't this a self-fulfilling prophecy? Fast-forward a few years and the young lads really ARE boisterous and dangerous and need reining in.

YABU but only a little bit. I would not let my toddlers/Pre - schoolers look at a baby in a pram because they'd probably wake it and I'd feel incredibly guilty. I used to wince a bit when loads of toddlers gave DS2 snotty kisses when he was a baby but, you know, I had taken him to a toddler group so it was inevitable really. If I was obsessive about germs I'd just keep him in his bedroom all day swag fr his siblings.

However, I do think boys get a bad rap. You want to see the pearl clutching that I see from some mothers of girls in the playground if some boys are roaring around. It's just noise but the looks can be priceless. Ironically their girls don't seem that fussed. DS1 (6) is well behaved at school but he's like a coiled spring so he basically runs around and shouts a lot before he goes in and after he comes out.

Well, I have a large, boisterous, loud girl and I joke that I can only be friends with the mothers of boys because they think it's OK when she runs, shouts, jumps and plays. Everyone else wants her to sit and be quiet and be clean and have perfect hair.

Her best friend is a boy and his DM reports that she gets completely different responses to his behaviour based on whether his hair is up or down - people assume he is a girl/boy. She said he was helping her in a supermarket once and the responses were literally, "look, she likes shopping already" and "big strong boy, helping mummy". Gender stereotypes are alive and well.

That should have been "away from his siblings." Jeez. And I also meant to say that pushing your DS was unacceptable. You would have been within your rights to have words.

YANBU.
As a mother of 2 boys also, I agree with all of SparklingBrooks comments.
I've experienced people behaving similarly with my older son, particularly when he was aged 2-3.
Completely unnacceptable to remove him with such force. I have a baby, and children often come to have a look at him. I think it's quite sweet (as long as they're gentle).

First off, incident 1 was way out of order. Inexcusable.
In general though, I can't say I agree. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. As it happens, ds is much more boisterous than the girls, but I find that generally any bad behaviour is minimised and excused with a "boys will be boys".
I find in general people have higher expectations for girls behaviour.

I'm not in any way saying that anyone should push or pull a child (or even touch them) in those circumstances. But as a mum of boys and girls I wouldn't be happy with any unknown boy or girl looking closely in at my baby unchecked by his/her parent. I therefore think that incident is a red herring in relation to gender stereotyping.

Personally my little boy has never been judged inappropriately but then he is far less boisterous than his older sister..

I tend to agree. My little boy is also a slight build and very quiet.

We were at a party a few weeks ago and he went to look at a newborn in a pram. I was a few steps behind him because he has no experience with babies; he is my PFB. He leant in for a little look, then round and said quietly 'ooooh, a baby mummy, we need to shhhhh. Can we get one for our house?'

I think the poster who said the 'rough and tumble' thing for a little boys is a self fulfilling prophecy, hit the nail on the head. My friends who have both gendered children, treat them differently according to their sex. Ie a lot more gentle/affectionate with little girls, and rougher/come on, dust yourself off with little boys.

Gender stereotyping is certainly alive and well . IMO though I would say both genders are on the receiving end equally, although the gender of your children will determine how much and what variety of crap you are witness to.

As a woman, I hear a lot about girl stereotyping as if this was all there was. My second is a girl and I was apprehensive during the pregnancy thinking about guiding her through the same shit as I experienced and so on. So it is a bit of smack finding out about boy stereotypes: we generally think boys are given more freedom but I'm beginning to think this isn't the whole story. I have nephews older than my DS who have to hurt themselves really bloody badly before they cry for example .

As a mother of 3 DC (two girls and boy) I find mums of boys very precious about their boys.

I find mums much quicker to defend their boys behaviour (like the OP). I find people who let their small children approach new babies really annoying. It's instinct to 'protect' your new baby and you don't know one grabby toddler from another.

I think mums are generally a bit in denial about how boisterous their boys are and generally more realistic and critical of their daughters behaviour. I don't think their is much difference in ACTUAL behaviour. That's my experience of what feels like years of playgroups and soft play.