To leave just one of my children with a childminder?

[curiousgeorgie]

My DD2 is very very hard work. She's almost 6 months old and most of the time cannot be put down and I've tried every swing, chair, bed, toy I can lay my hands on.

My DD1 is a total joy. She's easy and never really misbehaves or even makes a mess. She's very calm and I can literally get on with anything else and she'll just read a book or sit with me.

I was reaching a point where I would just want to cry every Sunday night at the thought of 5 days having to hold a crying baby while DH was at work and a friend of mine who is a childminder suggested I hire her for a day or 2 a week to give myself a break.

I did and on those days DD and I go out and do soft play or a class we couldn't do if DD2 were there, I get all the housework and washing done, I food shop, I cook meals to freeze..

But I feel incredibly guilty
about doing this. When I put her in the carseat to go and she smiles at me my heart could just break. And today
I'm having to wait in for a delivery so my FIL dropped her off and when he collected her he said it was very odd that I don't work but I feel the
need to send my baby to a childminder. (Settled on 1 day a week)

So I genuinely need to know if I am being unreasonable and if this is a horrible thing to do to my child.

I usually drop her off at 10 and my DH picks her up at 5. She only has her own 2 children on that day (and one is in school for most of those hours.)

not at all - your arrangement sounds perfect

happy dd2
happy dd1

happy mummy :)

dd1 needs some one to one time with you and she gets this

a clingy demanding baby is so tiring and when have 24/7 as well as another child, you need to do what suits you all as a family

maybe fil would like to look after dd2 for a few hours, or even better look after both alone for a few hours and see how he copes

maybe try for a wednesday so middle of week if days can be changed as at the moment you have monday (today) then 4 days alone

may suit you better to have weekend with dh so not alone, then 2 days alone, day off so to speak and then 2 days then weekend again

I wanted that but Monday was the only day she didn't have other children so thought it would be better for her and better for DD2.

Op, I had a nanny 3 days a week when on maternity leave. And both Dd1 and Dd2 were easy babies/toddlers. It was a lovely experience, being able to head off with Dd1 without having to work around Dd2 naps. And to have our nanny entertain Dd1 while I fed Dd2 or got on with housework.

Your arrangement makes sense to me. Sounds like it is good for all three of you. And it is only one or two days a week. It will give you light at the end of tunnel when DD2 is being particularly clingy.

If you can afford it, why not.

I wish I could!

And its only a day or two. Means you'll be all the more refreshed, it'll give you more time with DD1, and when you have them both you'll have more energy and won't be feeling bitter and overwhelmed.

I think this is fine and is obviously saving your sanity. However, I think it would be good if you found a playgroup/preschool or something for dd1 so that she does not get the impression she is favoured.

Also it would probably be good for dd1 to have some time in a preschool or similar (there are some that start at 2 and I have missed the bit where you said how old dd1 is) for her own sake, so that she too can start learning to interact with others for herself.

Have now found your 11.01 post - still think it will be good for dd1 to have this but you have probably decided this for yourself!

Still also think your decision re childminder is fine.

Also FIL is being a prat.

I'm not saying YABU, but I do think that if you judge DD2 by the standards set by DD1, you are always going to be very disappointed, because DD1 sounds very unusual in her tolerance of domestic chores. You come across as very negative about DD2.

I don't see the problem with this on a (relatively) short term basis. If it went on for years with you putting DD2 in childcare but not DD1, then that might be iffy, but you are doing it to get yourself and your whole family through a sticky patch. Hopefully during the next few months your DD2 will have grown out of it. Tell FIL if he mentions it again it is the best thing for your family as a whole and then ignore.

Out of interest, is she the same at the childminder's house, or is she quieter? It's not a reflection on you if she is less fractious for the childminder but I just wondered.

Sounds like a sensible plan!

DS1 has been in nursery at least 1 day a week since 10m. I started off being avaliable for supply work which never happened, but we've always kept him in to keep his place open (in event of temporary contracts) and so I can have an easier day of chores and popping around on errands.

Now I'm on mat leave for DS2, it's lovely to have the 1:1 time with the less demanding sibling. (The goal posts are changing and DS2s demands are growing...)

If you were talking about a toddler in childcare, no one would bat an eyelid. All you're doing is making arrangements to sort your family according to the individuals' needs.

I did this but the other way around! MY ds (DC1) was very clingy when i went on mat leave with dd i kept him in nursery 2 days per week to give me a break and get all the stuff done that i couldn't wiht him there. He was VERY clingy and dd wasn't. I worked for me. I also put dd into pre-school on my day off when i was back at work.

YANBU you're managing your time and your life and stopping stress before it starts building up, which is really forward thinking. Good job!