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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Requests for gifts with the fucking wedding invite.

319 replies

intothenever · 16/12/2013 06:10

HOW is this socially acceptable? How? Family and friends, Please join us as we celebrate our love and commit to spend our lives together. Enclosed is a list of things we would like you to buy us. 1000 times worse when the demand for gifts is in rhyming couplets.

OP posts:
HombreLobo · 16/12/2013 07:14

I've never taken a gift to a wedding.

brettgirl2 · 16/12/2013 07:15

I think it depends. It annoys me when a list is included with an evening invite. So.... you don't like me enough to invite me to the wedding/ buy me a meal but you still expect a present? Hmm.

With a proper invite yabu.

AuntieStella · 16/12/2013 07:15

There's no problem with having a list - just with sending it out pre-emptively. The first is practical, the second is rude.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 16/12/2013 07:19

I've never taken a gift to a wedding.

Seriously? That is incredibly rude.

GingerPCatt · 16/12/2013 07:21

Having a list is fine. It's the mentioning in the invitees what makes me clutch my pearls and I know makes my very proper grandmother spin in her grave. If guest want to know about the list they should ask bride/groom or their families.

Crowler · 16/12/2013 07:22

Yes, I'm pretty sure it's rude to go to a wedding without a gift.

Why don't you bring a gift?

AnnBryce · 16/12/2013 07:22

Gift lists with invites are normal. Not taking a pressie isn't.

NoComet · 16/12/2013 07:23

Please ask for money
It's what you'll get off me anyway, that or two champagne flutes and a cheque to fill them.

I can't be doing with plates and people only need so many towels.

fluffyraggies · 16/12/2013 07:24

I think asking for cash is the thing that gets more of a split between YABU and YANBU here.

The thing with a gift list is that (properly done) the list should include items as cheap as a tenner or even less along with more pricey bits.

No one would feel comfortable giving a fiver as a wedding gift, but if you're skint, you're skint. If a couple have asked for cash as a present then you're put in a horrid position. At least with a list you can choose from the cheaper end.

DialMforMummy · 16/12/2013 07:25

Most people will want to give you a gift, it's a given. If some people are grumpy about it, let them be, they are miserable bastards.
Personally, I would want to make a gift that would make the bride and groom happy, if it's pans, a serving spoon or a contribution to something they are looking forward to that's great. I don't get the whole "Oh no, that's rude".

Lovecat · 16/12/2013 07:26

YANBU, it's a rude and grabby presumption.

Our invites were sent out by my mum and she had the list, but only to give to people who asked for it.

What we did include with the invite was a list of reasonably-priced nice hotels and B&Bs in the area, as a lot of our friends were travelling to the area.

Don't get me started on poems and money...

AuntieStella · 16/12/2013 07:27

I've never taken a gift to a wedding - I send in advance.

And of course no one would tell you in RL that something is rude, for that in itself would be appallingly rude. Silence does not indicate approval. And just because something is common does not make it right.

SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 07:28

I would think it incredibly rude to go without a gift. I have never known someone go without anything.
If you then ask the bride/groom or family they then have to go to all the trouble of having to post it. Most people are going to ask for a list so it is common sense to supply it. If you post 30 invitations that costs £15 and it will then cost another £15 to send a list.
As long as you don't put in twee poems, or ask for money, I think it fine.

SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 07:29

I think that you are splitting hairs, AuntieStella, when you say 'take a gift' it doesn't mean you literally hand it at the wedding reception!

scarlettsmummy2 · 16/12/2013 07:36

We didn't have a list or request money. We already owned our own home so had everything we needed, so it seemed tasteless. Quite different situation to when a list may have been helpful for young couples were moving in together for the first time.

ChocolateZombieSlayer · 16/12/2013 07:37

Perfectly acceptable imo to include a gift list at a weddIng. If you don't you run the risk of multiple repeated gifts. Wedding lists are rather sensible and I've always appreciated seeing one, certainly nothing to swear about. I just don't get all the shock horror on mumsnet 're these lists as thumb said up thread it's only here that appears to have an issue.

JumpingJackSprat · 16/12/2013 07:37

Id rather give money than a gift and couldn't give a flying fuck if the request came in the form of a poem. Must assume op that you're not a friend of the person who invited you otherwise upon opening the invite you would have thought "oh how lovely, x and y are getting married". Not how dare they fucking expect s wedding gift at their wedding the greedy grabbing bastards. Some friend you are!!

ClaudiusMaximus · 16/12/2013 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiddlebum · 16/12/2013 07:44

The last 8 weddings I've been to ( including ours... 6 asked for contributions to honeymoon ( the normal request now) 1 asked for contributions to a new kitchen (they spent it on a car!) and my DB/DSIL didn't have a list and ended up with 34!!! Naff Silver wedding photo frames. She hates silver, totally not to their taste, they live in a small cottage with no free surfaces to put picture frames. The sad thing is you can tell that many of these frames cost a fortune! What a waste of money.

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 07:47

I don't mind gift lists, they are useful as long as there is a range of gifts and price ranges to choose from.

But cash requests are rude, especially if the request is made with a shit poem.

Snowbility · 16/12/2013 07:49

We asked for no gifts or money...just come to our wedding and celebrate with us. Guests spend enough on outfits and hotel bills. Seriously think the whole wedding gift thing is grabby and outdated. Most couple need nothing for their homes.

SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 07:56

Some do, not all are older and have been living together for years.

stargirl1701 · 16/12/2013 07:57

YABU. It makes life as the guest so much easier. I hate it when the couple don't have a list. I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of putting it in the invitation.

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without buying a gift. Maybe you're different, OP.

SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 07:57

When I got married the second time I didn't need anything, but the first time I didn't have anything,other than my mother's cast offs!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 16/12/2013 08:00

I think it is rude to send the gift list with the invitation. When DH and I were married we were the first grand children to do so and we put a card in saying if anyone wanted directions, accommodation details or the gift list to call PIL. No pressure then. Little bit embarrassed at our assumption we would get gifts since a couple of cousins have expressly said they don't want anything but if you really want too give something.... but that is what I thought you did back then.

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