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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be hurt by my so-called friends?

67 replies

Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 18:43

Went to a party with one of my dc today at a local softplay place. Just arrived and I see a couple of my friends dcs running by so I ask if they are here with mum and dad and they say yes,over there.

Lo and behold there is my friend,her dh and 2 other mutual friend couples and all their dcs out celebrating one of my friends dcs birthday.

When they saw me they looked guilty as fuck and the dh came over and sheepishly asked if I wanted to join them.

I know this is pathetic but I am incredibly hurt that my dcs and myself were not invited. They did something very similiar a few weeks ago regarding a trip to an xmas market and when I asked where my invite was,got a given an excuse of oh it was all very last minute.

Am I bu to feel upset and to think they are trying to tell me something? I feel worse as I am supposed to be going a night out with these people next week and at the moment I want to tell them to get to fuck!

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 15/12/2013 18:44

Seems like they would rather not have you or your DC around.

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/12/2013 18:45

Yes I think you need to ask them if they are trying to tell you something.

formerbabe · 15/12/2013 18:45

Oh no, that sounds awkward. I'm not surprised you were upset. Could there be a innocent explanation, like the party host couldn't afford to invite anyone else?

Wishfulmakeupping · 15/12/2013 18:47

Did you go over OP?
I'd be really hurt think you're going to have to ask outright if you've done anything wrong

Hassled · 15/12/2013 18:49

I think they probably are trying to tell you something, and you should just move on. Make up some excuse for next week. It sucks and I'm sorry, but it happens - and there are nicer people out there.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 18:50

There was no cost involved-they had'nt booked a party such but had just all obviously agreed to meet there to celebrate the birthday. They were all invited to my dcs birthdays btw.

These people share everything on fb too-their whole lives are on there-but yet there was not a peep of thisHmm

OP posts:
biryani · 15/12/2013 18:51

You are not pathetic, or being U. This is crass behaviour at best. I would confront them directly about it, and if the answer is unsatisfactory I'd give them a wide berth in future, and tell them why.

I hate it when parents form cliques that result in others being excluded. So petty. Hope you can move on.

ReluctantBeing · 15/12/2013 18:53

You must have felt awful. I know I would.
They are the ones who really should feel bad. Find new friends.

SashaOfSiberia · 15/12/2013 18:54

Sounds like they don't want to be friends with you and I'd imagine you now don't want to be friends with them. I'd let it fizzle out, you can't lie everyone and perhaps you aren't suited as a group.

Stick with your real friends.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 18:55

Oh dont worry I will be saying something to them! I am quite direct and they know that. Tbh I should'nt be surprise as I say this has happened quite a few times lately.

I hate feeling this bloody pathetic and needy thoughSad

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 15/12/2013 18:55

Could it be anything kids related do you think?

Like you have boys & they have girls & they think your boys are too boisterous?

But I agree with the other posters, they aren't your friends :( I'd stop inviting them to things, cut them out if your life you don't need to put up with this :(

{{{{{{{| unmumsnetty hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 18:56

sasha-I thought they were real friends!! I understand that 2 of them are closer friends iyswim? as they live near each other and their dcs go to the same school but I still thought I was part of the group. Clearly not-good thing I have'nt bought their xmas presents yet. Ha!

OP posts:
AuntySib · 15/12/2013 18:57

They would include you if they wanted to. No point in you confronting them,think that would just make it worse, and it's probably best to stay on civil terms if the DCs are friends.
It's horrible for you,and no wonder you are feeling hurt, but all you can do is move on,and maintain your dignity.

NotJustACigar · 15/12/2013 18:57

Some groups are made up of such insecure and jealous people that they have to form a clique and exclude someone just to feel better about themselves. Sounds like your so-called friends are actually lower mean-girl types. If you're particularly close with one of them you could take her aside and ask her what's going on, but frankly they probably aren't worth the trouble. Sorry you're going through this, I know it's very painful, but in the long run you're better off without them.

monicalewinski · 15/12/2013 18:57

I think you just need to ask straight out if there is something wrong tbh. Factual and straightforward, even though you're hurt and upset (understandably), try not to let this be obvious.

It's shitty when people behave like that, but unfortunately it happens.

MincedMuffPies · 15/12/2013 18:57

I really don't mean this in a horrible way but ate your dc rather naughty and tantrummy?

I only say that as in my group of friends one family's dc are awful. Not that any of the dc are angels but these 2 are off the scale in screaming and hitting the other dc. In fact no time have we gone out without there being a problem.

So sometimes we have days out without that family as its a lot of stress on us and our dc, or Saturday night sleepovers as having these dc in a house is fucking awful and stuff gets thrown about and trashed.

At the same time we do like our friend, just not the kids.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 18:58

No captain-we all have mixed gender families and the only boisterous one in among the dcs is one of my friends kids who is eh..challenging to say the least! But I would never dream of commenting on that.

OP posts:
MiracleOntheM4 · 15/12/2013 18:59

Are you all part of a wider group? ie. we're other people 'missing'?

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 18:59

No Mince as I replied to the poster above my dcs are not naughty but one of my friends kids really is and I am not the only one of our friendship group to comment on it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 19:01

There is one other friend who is I suppose part of the group-her and I are closer tbh. She was'nt there but she does not socialise with the group as much as I do. I go for coffee with these women every week!

OP posts:
MincedMuffPies · 15/12/2013 19:04

OP I think in group situations it's hard as its nice to do stuff with some of the group or one person independently of group without feeling like your leaving others out. You should be able to go out with individuals without it being a bitch galore of oh we're left out. But as its only you that didn't get the invite I think that's quite horrible.

Original poster
Ladyglamalot · 15/12/2013 19:06

I completely agree mince-I do understand that we dont always have to be joined at the hip and I do actually have other friends but its the fact that they were all invited to my dcs birthday celebrations but it was'nt reciprocated. I think that is not only hurtful but also pretty rude.

OP posts:
meganorks · 15/12/2013 19:06

Have they ever given you any indication they don't like your dc's? Are they aggressive at all towards their kids? Only asking because there always seem to be threads on here about people who like a friend but not their kids sndvthe advice is always to distance themselves and avoid seeing with the kids.

Does sound like they don't want you around. Personally i would just take the hint and drop them.

Thymeout · 15/12/2013 19:08

OP - are you a single parent? I've found that, even tho' it's 2013, sometimes there's this idea that the occasion is only for couples. As if when it isn't just mums, you have to bring a bloke for the other blokes to talk to. Mad, I know - but that seems to be how it works.

EmmaBemma · 15/12/2013 19:09

I don't think you need to confront them. That would just be awkward. I know it's hurtful not to be included but they haven't done anything wrong.