mummymeister you said 'so mumandboys the problem here is your ex P who after 5 years has paid you and your children absolutely nothing. the issue for me after reading your post is I still fall on the side of capping benefits but really think it cannot be beyond the agencies to find this man and make him pay. it is him we are subsidising and paying the benefit to in effect and not you (if that makes sense!) a lot of posters seem to be in this position. single parent with 3+ kids and an ex P who contributes either nothing or just a fraction of what they should. capping benefits would be effective if all other things were equal. if your ex P paid up then you wouldn't be so dependent on the third child benefit. so I guess this is the heart of the problem. great in theory if everything works elsewhere as it is supposed to but a crap idea in practice'
The CSA knows where my ex is. I know where my ex is. We've always known where he is. We never lost him!
My ex owes me nothing. I am an able-bodied adult of working age and can support myself. He does, however, owe our children some kind of financial support but the Law won't make him do that because he's self employed. And no, you don't subsidise him. I do. I don't get any more money because he refuses to help out. I pay as much tax as anyone else earning what I earn. I do a decent job full time and I am bringing up my children as well as I can. You cannot ask any more of me yet somehow, I am forced to explain myself because I'm single and I have more than 1 child.
What so many people miss is the fact that the legislation, as it stands, is more than happy to allow self employed people to legitimately reduce their child maintenance liability, often to zero. You don't need to find my ex at all. Rather, the Law needs to change to enforce his responsibility towards his children. It is, frankly, state sponsored child neglect but they'll (the Government) never do anything about it because it won't do anything to encourage business growth.
It is unlikely my ex will ever be made to pay what he would if he were employed. I am not convinced our children will ever get anything. It is far, far better for all of us - me, my children, and society as a whole, that I am enabled to work full-time and use the skills I trained hard to achieve. Sadly, I suspect you would feel less threatened if every single parent fulfilled the stereotype of thousands of kids born of benefits so we can be bashed and put down and told we don't contribute anything. I contribute a great deal to society, most of it you could never put a monetary value on, and I save YOU a fortune by doing my best by my children. Yet you begrudge me that....because my marriage failed? because I have more than 2 children?