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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I will be back at 12 latest....

89 replies

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 01:01

Said by dh earlier.

And he is not. Aibu to want to put the chain on the door so he can't get in?

He absolutely promised to be home before 12.

OP posts:

Original poster

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 09:19

He does do his fair share, when he's here he is brilliant and helps with all aspects of the dcs care, its just he gets the occasional break and although I don't mind its annoying when the times he gives dont get stuck to as then I've got to deal with anything that happens.

I know he needs to get out and clear his mind of all things dc related but I wish he would stick to what he says. I feel like his mum nagging but things get so hectic at home.

Maybe next time he will say a time and keep to it! I don't think he was expecting such a frosty reception when he got back and certainly wasn't whispering in my ear as a pp mentioned!

OP posts:

ShoeSmacking · 15/12/2013 09:21

Purr, it's so weird. I'm the first to get the rage if women treat their partners like children but I can't imagine dh going out when ds was still small and sleeping badly and leaving me to deal with it all night alone when he knew I was already exhausted from dealing with it from the day he was born. He wouldn't have been able to have a good time knowing I was on my knees with exhaustion.

I always suspect that the posters saying it's all fine and stop being such a bitch are also posters who either have dc who sleep really well or they are the type of women who cope with lack of sleep. I am definitely not one of those!

LightastheBreeze · 15/12/2013 09:22

Yes it does seem to be the old fashioned set up of Man works, gets his dinner, goes to pub with mates. Woman looks after children all day and night whilst Man gets well earned break because of his stress.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 09:23

If I could have a break I'd prefer a lie in rather than actually going out or just to be able to go and read a magazine, have a bath etc. things are just so hectic and trying to facilitate time slots for dh to go out is difficult but he had got quite depressed so I knew he needed too.

Now I feel a bit like he's taking the p. he has got up this morning to be fair to him and is helping with dcs but he looks exhausted and I can tell he had too much to drink.

OP posts:

Original poster

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 09:25

Think I posted hastily last night too. I was just angry and thought sod it, ill put the chain on just to show him how annoyed I am. I didn't though.

OP posts:

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 09:27

I still think you sound like his mum, I have 3 5 and under, I am exhausted, but I wouldn't begrudge DH a night out, or a chill with a hangover the next day. It sounds to me like he does do his fair share from what you are saying.

Mine are up all the time, the baby still wakes hourly and the middle one, at least twice in a night.

I Can see he has been out twice, but from what i read, this isn't the norm????

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 09:30

and yes I am exhausted too - but when I am exhausted, I can chill in a onesie all day if I so choose, or go to a friends house, or whatever I like. We have the old fashioned set up described above - DH does get up with the children, work, do most of the cooking. Its a partnership - I don't get this begrudging either a MAN or a WOMAN a night out every now and then, 2 exhausted, over wrought parents doesn't help anyone.

TinselinaBumSquash · 15/12/2013 09:32

Some posters have been real wankers on this thread.

Here is the thing, some relationships are different from others some people out of habit will leave the house and say "I'll be back by x time" some don't.

Some people will call, text etc if they're going to be late, some don't.

Hedge's DH left saying he'd be back by midnight and he wasn't.

This would pass me off too, people worry, it doesn't make her a fucking killjoy who keeps her DP on a tight rein at all times. It just makes her relationship different to some of yours.

Hedge, I hope you can sort out some respite for yourself and get a break.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 09:33

Yes he has been out twice and had a ten day holiday in August and has had a couple of whole days fishing this year. Its not like he's out every night but things are just so hugely difficult with the dcs that its too much for one person alone to deal with a lot of the time.

OP posts:

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 09:34

well thats a different kettle of fish

A 10 day holiday when you have 2 small children is usually out of the question!

Joysmum · 15/12/2013 09:39

I can't imagine hubby or I needing to make promises as to when we'll be home.

Says a lot about a relationship if couples feel they need to tbh

SolidGoldBrass · 15/12/2013 09:41

So what are you and your H doing to resolve the problem of your DC constantly waking and your own interrupted sleep? Have you taken all available advice and are they getting treatment for whatever the health issues are? Have you looked into help eg respite care if one or more DC has a major health issue? Are other family members/friends able to help sometimes?
It's entirely understandable that your H needs a weekly break, but so do you - so does he take the kids out for a morning/afternoon and let you have a nap? You do sound a bit of a martyr but that may be because you are tired. It's easy to get into the mindset of 'nothing will help, we just have to suffer, so he's got to suffer just as much as me' when it's worth looking at ways of fixing the problem (either getting DC to sleep better or arranging it so that you get a break and a rest) rather than enduring it grimly.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 14:25

Dh never manages well if I try to have a break. I took dd2 out this morning to my mums and after an hour got a call as dh wanted to pick us up as ds2 was tired and needed a sleep and he couldn't get anything done with them all there.

I wanted to sneak off this afternoon with the paper and a coffee but dh is feeling the effects of last nights drinking so I can't.

We are in the process of arranging respite and help with dcs but have been offered 3 hours a week which isn't much.

OP posts:

Mellowandfruitful · 15/12/2013 21:46

It doesn't sound like he is pulling his weight to me, tbh. Have you had a 10 day holiday, or even 10 minutes to yourself? No, thought not. Plus don't see why he can't deal with the kids through a hangover. Can he not at least supervise them watching tv or something? And he ought to be able to at least stick it out for more than an hour while you are at your mum's. Leave your phone behind next time and/or take hers off the hook.

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