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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I will be back at 12 latest....

89 replies

Edenviolet · 15/12/2013 01:01

Said by dh earlier.

And he is not. Aibu to want to put the chain on the door so he can't get in?

He absolutely promised to be home before 12.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 01:31

Sorry! My mistake!

I thought I was on MN, but I realised that I was actually on www.whatmymatesinthepubthink.com

FFS.......

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:31

love the assumption that if a man says he will be back by 12 then it must be because 'Er Indoors said so

Probably would be though.

Why would an adult say what time they would come home unless another adult questioned them on it?

If I were going out, I have no idea what time I would be home and I would resent having to give a time to anyone, unless I was 16 and that person was my Mum.

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 01:31

we can only go on the information given, there is also a facebook group about a man who has been missing for a week - whose wife is desperately searching for him because he isn't home - thats not relevant here either.

BillyBanter · 15/12/2013 01:32

I was reading it more as he always soberly promise he'll be bored stiff by 10, suffer the pub til 11 so as not to be unsociable, and be home by 12 and the OP says, you say that and you're never in before 3. And he insisted he'd be back by 12 because he hasn't learnt yet that his sober intentions bear no relation to his drunken actions.

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 01:32

amber quite, neither DH or I give times of coming home.

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:32

Oh do fuck off.

Im going on the scant info in the OP, not making it up based on other threads Ive read today.

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:33

above was to bogeyface

BillyBanter · 15/12/2013 01:34

''If I were going out, I have no idea what time I would be home and I would resent having to give a time to anyone, unless I was 16 and that person was my Mum.''

There are plenty of reasons why you might want to know when your partner is coming home or want them home by a certain time. Maybe he has to drive for 2 hours at 10am tomorrow or look after the kids.

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 01:35

Charming!

Now I know why your DH stays out all night!

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 01:38

Stop moralising Bogey - if someone posted on here, I was an hour late getting home, my battery was flat and I lost track of time, I couldn't ring and my husband locked me out and left me on the streets all night" everyone would be screaming leave the bastard.

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 01:39

Why would an adult say what time they would come home unless another adult questioned them on it?

And in response to this, I think Billy has a point.

"I'll be back by 12"
!Are you sure? Last time it was 2am!"
"No, it'll be 12, I am tired"
"Ok, I'll wait up for you then, just let me know if you will be much later"
"It wont be later! It will be 12, I promise!"
"..yeah, alright...just let me know :)"

Far more likely to happen than "BE BACK BY 12 OR I WILL LOCK THE DOOR!!!!"

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 01:41

I wasnt moralising!

I was merely pointing out that a person who stays out late a) could call or text if it was later than the agreed time and b) the agreed time does not necessarily have to come from a nagging OH!

olgaga · 15/12/2013 01:42

If I told my DH I'd be home at a certain time but came home a bit later and find the chain on the door, I'd LTB. Angry

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:42

Grin I'm not married, Did I say anything about that, or did I just say what I wouldn't like for myself?

If my partner wants to go out all night that is his choice, same as it is mine if I do. Rare as that is though, we did all of that when we were younger.

If I get a children free night, we'd much rather stay home and shag all night. Clubs/pubs are so 1990s.

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 01:44

"But hey, it's far easier to have a go at the OP isnt it and assume she is a controlling harridan?"

reads like moralising to me

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:44

if someone posted on here, I was an hour late getting home, my battery was flat and I lost track of time, I couldn't ring and my husband locked me out and left me on the streets all night" everyone would be screaming leave the bastard

Quite.

ItsNotATest · 15/12/2013 01:45

Why on earth would you wait up for an adult?

And why on earth would anyone rush home from a night out, midnight pumpkins don't feature in real life.

BumPotato · 15/12/2013 01:46

You wouldn't want to be married to me. I went out one evening to late night shopping to take a top back and got in at 3am. I bumped into a friend and we went for a quick drink that turned into a session. DH thought it was hilarious.

BillyBanter · 15/12/2013 01:46

Meanwhile hedgehog has not been back to the thread.

She's probably having sweet nothings whispered in her ear carried on a fog of beer breath and tandoori.

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 01:47

Amber As I said above, neither he nor I have an issue with the other staying out all night. However, we agree a rough ETA and will text if that is going to change. We are both night owls so staying up until 3am isnt an issue, but that means that we do start to worry if the person who says they would be back by 12 isnt back or texted by 1am. Its just how we do it.

My point was that it doesnt automatically mean that the OP insisted he be back by then.

ANd shagging all night? Really? Wow, I am impressed, you must be much younger than me or have more stamina :o

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:47

Maybe he has to drive for 2 hours at 10am tomorrow or look after the kids

If he has to drive at 10am and has gone out on the razz tonight, then that is his lookout isn't it? would be a bit silly to go out knowing you have to do that next morning.

Not something I would lose sleep over though, it's not me that has to do it.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/12/2013 01:48

Well, sometimes shit happens. If he's gone out for drinks then he will be getting home (presumably) by public transport or a cab - and sometimes public transport isn't reliable or there are no cabs to be had, and mobile batteries do go flat, or people run out of credit while in an area with no open shops;/garages to top up at.

But it does depend on the context - is OP angry because he regularly does this, or because he's a troublesome drunk who might get in a fight or fall under a bus, or because they've got to be up early in the morning due to a prior commitment? Or is the OP controlling and puritanical? Insufficient information.

BillyBanter · 15/12/2013 01:49

Except that maybe the OP will end up having to drive because he's still over the limit etc etc a million other scenarios.

It's a sparse OP and any or none of us could be right about the context.

Xmas2013MN6233 · 15/12/2013 01:49

bum and billy you both made me laugh

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 01:49

I'm nearly 40 bogeyface, but yes, really! Grin