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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know iabu but just feel this way. christmas present related.

100 replies

scottishbelle78 · 14/12/2013 15:29

I am one of 6 children so I have lots of people to buy for. I treat each sibling as a unit ie sis, bil and dc and spend roughly the same on each. Within each unit I tried to spend a similar amount on each person.
Dh has a mum, sister and bil to buy for. He spends more on his mum and sister but less on bil. Although bil also gets gifts from our dc.
His mum and sis are obv buying for more people so I understand they will spend less but they spend significant ly more on dh than they do on me and dc.
I know it is there choice but I just feel that it is fairer to treat everyone equally. It is the way my family always do it especially my late mum who didn't spend vast amounts but always treated everyone equally.
So probably not aibu as I know I am but more interested in how other families do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishbelle78 · 14/12/2013 17:08

Bil not bik.

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 14/12/2013 17:13

My grandma always spends a little more on her children (my mum and her sisters) than her grandchildren. We're all adults. The grandchildren had/have their own parents to be spoiled by. But according to MN, Christmas is only for children anyway!!! Hmm

MostWicked · 14/12/2013 17:23

I think you are being ridiculous and reacting like a spoilt child.
It's not fair, he's got more than me, you must love him more than me!!!

It is up to everyone individually, to decide how they choose to give to others. I get shit presents from my in-laws, I don't care that SIL gets so much more, I get more pleasure from giving the presents I have chosen, to my children.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 14/12/2013 17:28

Sorry if this is intruding, but does your mum spend the same amount on all of you? If she is still with us that is.

I don;t get how you can spend the same on anyone. I have 2 brothers, one is well into football and the other gaming. One has got some £90 boots, the other a £50 game. It's about what the gift is and the thought behind it, not cost.

alemci · 14/12/2013 17:31

giffin so even more reason for your dm to give you something lovely. I wouldn't give her any cash if you are short of money yourself. why does she expect it when u are hard up.

have you asked her about the disparity between ur loo roll "gift" and ur dbs expensive get up?

so sorryThanks

alemci · 14/12/2013 17:34

sorry I meant you "Golden"Smile

alemci · 14/12/2013 17:41

also my own dm spends the same on each of her dcs and I try to do the same for my own dc.

my MIL is very generous to me but if she spends more on Dh that's fine and expected. she used to buy me household things though which wasn't so greatConfused

GoldenGytha · 14/12/2013 17:50

My mother would never buy me anything lovely alemci

She just thinks that every gift must be practical, it would be so nice to get something totally frivolous, it doesn't have to be expensive, a pretty pair of earrings that cost less than £10 or a fiver on Kindle books would be more welcome, just that one time of year to have something nice.

I will ask her one day about the disparity though, not quite yet, but one day definately.

I did ask her one year if she could give me something towards a new bookcase, as I desperately need more storage for my books, but she just told me to throw them out.

Original poster
scottishbelle78 · 14/12/2013 18:17

Yes baubles she did when she waas alive. I think it is just that different families doi it in different ways.

OP posts:
alemci · 14/12/2013 18:20

that makes me sad golden. do you get any luxuries from anyone else? even decent toiletries would be practical and useful not loo rolls. how insulting

Original poster
scottishbelle78 · 14/12/2013 18:21

Yes I also understand that it is not going to be totally balanced.

OP posts:
GoldenGytha · 14/12/2013 18:35

Luckily my two DDs have both recently started full time work alemci, and are spoiling me.

DD2 bought me a Russian Doll handbag because I thought it was so pretty, and DD1 is buying me the book written by Philippa Langley about her search for Richard III, I'm a history geek, so just perfect Smile

My mother would be horrified and tell them and me off for "wasting" money on things that according to her are no use, but we don't intend to tell her.

But for years though no one else bought me anything luxurious.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 14/12/2013 18:42

We always spend the same on each person, my parents do the sane for me, DH, DB and SIL. Dhs parents very obviously spend less on me than DH and his sister, as does his sister and my XHs family did the same on a much larger scale. I find it odd as its not how I grew up but I am not offended at all.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/12/2013 18:56

Dh's late gran always gave dh £100 and me a small box of chocs.

My gran always gave to me and dh equally.

Never bothered me, dh's gran was a nice lady and I wasn't her granddaughter. It was just the way she did things, no slight was intended.

alemci · 14/12/2013 19:15

glad your dc are doing this Golden. Book sounds fascinating, also love history. how is learning and being educated not important and not a positive thing. your dm neede to butt out imo.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/12/2013 20:41

My Inlaws are obsessed with being fair. Last year they got loads of lovely lovely things for dd. (ds not yet born.) They then admitted they couldn't think what to get for us. "Not to worry" we said "far nicer to buy for dd anyway - we don't need anything."

However, they couldn't cope with that so gave us each a pair of sport socks. Mine have pink trim and dh's had blue trim on.

Not the best present in the world for me as:-

  1. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and
  2. I'm a swimmer!
GoldenGytha · 14/12/2013 20:50

Thanks alemci

She doesn't appreciate books, and never set much store by education, hence me being forced to leave school at 16, so I could get a job, and hand over my entire wage packet to her.

Looking forward to getting stuck into the book! Smile

WelshMaenad · 14/12/2013 21:21

Whereas I'd be happy if my inlaws didn't bother buying me (token, entirely thoughtless) gift and out the money towards something actually thoughtful for their son, as opposed to the tenner in a card/asda gift card approach they currently employ.

alemci · 14/12/2013 21:38

did she need your wage golden. was your df around. I gave my dps a token amount of money.

Tapiocapearl · 14/12/2013 21:52

Secret Santa. Each adult has a hand written wish list. Each adult spends 30 on another adult - names picked out of a hat.

We also do secret santa with the kids. So each family buys for four nieces and nephews.

GoldenGytha · 14/12/2013 22:10

Yes, her and my father are very much together alemci

He's just as bad, worse in many ways actually, he has just let her get away with bullying people over the years,

I don't think she needed all of my wage, though of course I wouldn't have minded paying board money, but my brother got to keep all his wage, and when she was shopping she would buy things for his and my dad's lunches for work. I got £10 back from mine to buy my own, and when I questioned this, was just told not to be so cheeky, it was nothing to do with me.

I also had to clean the house top to bottom every Sunday, from age 8, wasn't allowed to stop until I had completed all my chores, so I was cleaning and scrubbing from about 9am to about 6pm. She would make my favourite meal of steak pie, and they would all tuck in, but I wasn't allowed any.

I was allowed to make a poached egg with toast when I had finished my cleaning.

pictish · 14/12/2013 22:17

My mil spends a lot more on dh than she does on me or the dc.
It has never occurred to me to be put out about that.
I wouldn't expect the same amount spent on me seeing as I am not her daughter, and the kids don't need that amount spent on presents. They get plenty.

boschy · 14/12/2013 22:24

golden your last post makes me so sad. poor you as that little girl. I hope you hve a lovely christmas!

GoldenGytha · 14/12/2013 22:40

Thank you boschy

Mumsnetters always make me feel so much better!

After years of therapy, I can kind of laugh about having to do all the housework, all the time,

Like Cinderella, except I never got to go to the ball!

alemci · 14/12/2013 22:43

golden she does sound awful and you have been abused by your dps from what you have written. I am not walking in your shoes but do you feel like cutting her out of your life or does she help you out?

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