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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend was rude

54 replies

HaveAstarterANDaPudding · 13/12/2013 21:53

Last Saturday I had two friends round.

We had arranged weeks ago that they would come to mine for drinks (for my birthday) and I would cook tea. Nothing fancy, but I love to cook for people (as they know) and was really looking forward to catching up and to being hostess for a change.

On Saturday mornig I shopped for and cooked a lovely fish pie, all ready to go in the oven later.

At 3pm my friend texted me to ask what I was cooking as she is doing Slimming World and if it didn't suit, she would bring her own dinner.
I replied saying it's fish pie but I have lots of salad as well, please don't bring your own meal - I have shopped and cooked specially.
She replied saying "yum".

They arrived at 7 and when, at 7:30, I said "right - I'll pop dinner on", my friend said "oh - I've already eaten, I had a SW meal. I'll not have any thanks".

I thought this was so rude. But when I moaned to my sister about it today she said Iwbu as SW friend shouldn't feel she has to eat fattening food just to please me. And I think she was probably right. But still - she was the one who didn't bother to tell me until 4 hours before dinner and she led me to believe that she was ok with it.

I still think the way she handled it was shit. If I had known a day or two earlier I would have cooked something a bit healthier.

AIBU to have felt a bit gutted (and to have felt cheated out of my rare chance to cook for friends)?

OP posts:

purplemurple1 · 13/12/2013 22:09

Yanbu

She should have told and given you the chance yo cook something suitable - of course if then you hadn't she could have not eaten it.

Primafacie · 13/12/2013 22:09

She was rude. YANBU.

MelanieCheeks · 13/12/2013 22:09

Meh, I get that you're a bit put out. But it's not a big deal really, is it?

misskatamari · 13/12/2013 22:11

YANBU - she should have told you in advance and handled it badly - however i agree with your sister that she shouldn't have to eat something that goes against her diet. The point is you would have made something else if you had known, so yes she was rude. Surely she knew she could only eat certain things well in advance - she should have spoken to you about it a good few days before.

mameulah · 13/12/2013 22:11

YANBU

But as someone who is constantly trying, and failing to lose weight, I do understand why your friend did what she did. Pre empt the situation next time by asking her in advance if she is happy with what you are gong to cook. In a friendly way of course!

RealHousewivesofNorwich · 13/12/2013 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheretoyougonow · 13/12/2013 22:12

YANBU. You don't go round someones house for dinner and then say you've already eaten.
It would annoy me so much I wouldn't offer to cook for her again.

iklboo · 13/12/2013 22:15

There's no such thing as 'Slimming World food' per se. She could well have eaten even a small portion of fish pie if she'd have worked out her syns properly - or had fewer syns in the days leading up her weigh in. Maybe she didn't like fish pie but as you'd already made it when you spoke / text she made up an excuse?

WhoNickedMyName · 13/12/2013 22:16

Friend still came over, you had drinks and a portion of fish pie to freeze for yourself another time.

Not that big a deal really, certainly not enough of a big deal to still be bugged by it a week later.

iklboo · 13/12/2013 22:16

BTW - did she indulge in a few drinks?

Gladvent · 13/12/2013 22:18

Surely she could just have eaten a smaller portion! I'd be pissed off. But only until I thought about having lovely leftover fish pie, so bollocks to her ;)

Gladvent · 13/12/2013 22:18

Surely she could just have eaten a smaller portion! I'd be pissed off. But only until I thought about having lovely leftover fish pie, so bollocks to her ;)

Original poster

HaveAstarterANDaPudding · 13/12/2013 22:18

Thank you.
Melaniecheeks you are right it is no big deal but I have been grrr-ing about it since Saturday and been thinking I was so right to feel annoyed.

Stupid, but validation that my feelings were/are ok even though I appreciate how hard dieting can be, makes me feel a bit better.
I don't want to think badly of my friend so asking for other opinions helps me see her side.

OP posts:

lollerskates · 13/12/2013 22:18

YANBU.

Bodicea · 13/12/2013 22:19

I would be really annoyed if I had gone to such trouble and they didn't eat it. V v rude. Esp when you already told her earlier!

Chlorinella · 13/12/2013 22:19

YANBU
She's invited round fro dinner and she's already eaten ???

SkinnybitchWannabe · 13/12/2013 22:20

Im on Slimming World and wouldn't dream of doing that.
She was rude in my opinion, there are ways us SW members can get around meals like that so she could easily have had a flexi syn day then get straight back on plan the following day.
I had meals at friends since joining and still lose weight that week.

Original poster

HaveAstarterANDaPudding · 13/12/2013 22:21

The funny thing is...
She indulged in quite a few gin slims and by 10:00 was starving - so had a bloody great helping of fish pie. Microwaved.
So I didn't even have any to freeze!

OP posts:

K8Middleton · 13/12/2013 22:22

Where are you people from that would go to dinner at someone's house and not have dinner?

Weird and rude.

K8Middleton · 13/12/2013 22:24

So she eats two dinners on slimming world?

I might have to try it

Original poster

HaveAstarterANDaPudding · 13/12/2013 22:27

K8Middleton I know!
I like to think that my fish pie was so amazing that she was only able to resist for 2 hours before the lingering gorgeous smell broke her resistance
(it was a damn good fish pie)

OP posts:

McFox · 13/12/2013 22:29

How bloody rude!!

Gladvent · 14/12/2013 14:52

Starterandpudding, that is not just drip feeding that is dollop feeding... YAdefNBU. Do not waste your fish pie on her ever again!!! (BTW. I have impeccable manners should you ever require a fish pie friend ;) Based in the midlands but prepared to travel. )

YoDiggity · 14/12/2013 15:02

Tricky one. SW has the red and green days where you can't mix carbs and protein so something like a fish pie would be a nightmare and she'd end up having to scrape off all the potato or whatever, which would seem worse than not having any.

The trouble is, if you are trying really hard to stick to low carbing, or any kind of dieting or healthy eating regime and you keep sabotaging yourself in order to make everyone else happy then you never get anywhere.

I would have eaten it because I don't like to make a fuss or draw attention to myself and having others scrutinising what I chose to eat or not eat. I'm all for an easy life.

But it's exactly that attitude that's the reason I'm still fat. And I hate myself for not sticking to my guns and saying sod everyone else.

I have a friend who has lost loads of weight and gone exercise mad, stopped drinking and turned into a real food fascist. She is very conmitted and she is looking great but no-one can stop bitching and moaning about how boring and obsessed she's become and how she's no fun any more. It's all just projecting. I admire her for sticking to it even if she has become a bit of a PITA over it.

CaptainSweatPants · 14/12/2013 15:07

Sounds like she's got food issues if she ended up eating it anyway :(

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