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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend was rude

54 replies

HaveAstarterANDaPudding · 13/12/2013 21:53

Last Saturday I had two friends round.

We had arranged weeks ago that they would come to mine for drinks (for my birthday) and I would cook tea. Nothing fancy, but I love to cook for people (as they know) and was really looking forward to catching up and to being hostess for a change.

On Saturday mornig I shopped for and cooked a lovely fish pie, all ready to go in the oven later.

At 3pm my friend texted me to ask what I was cooking as she is doing Slimming World and if it didn't suit, she would bring her own dinner.
I replied saying it's fish pie but I have lots of salad as well, please don't bring your own meal - I have shopped and cooked specially.
She replied saying "yum".

They arrived at 7 and when, at 7:30, I said "right - I'll pop dinner on", my friend said "oh - I've already eaten, I had a SW meal. I'll not have any thanks".

I thought this was so rude. But when I moaned to my sister about it today she said Iwbu as SW friend shouldn't feel she has to eat fattening food just to please me. And I think she was probably right. But still - she was the one who didn't bother to tell me until 4 hours before dinner and she led me to believe that she was ok with it.

I still think the way she handled it was shit. If I had known a day or two earlier I would have cooked something a bit healthier.

AIBU to have felt a bit gutted (and to have felt cheated out of my rare chance to cook for friends)?

OP posts:
AGypsiesWife · 14/12/2013 15:15

Perhaps it was a last minute decision to quickly eat at home, before setting off. Maybe she didn't trust herself not to push you to the ground and eat the whole pie, growling all the while. Nothing makes me more hungry than a diet! I wouldn't have been able to resist a home cooked treat like that. x

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 14/12/2013 15:20

YANBU.

I remember going for lunch at a friend's house (A), with another friend (B). Friend B had some specific dietary requirements (for health) and friend A had gone to a fair bit of trouble to ensure that she had met these. So when friend B only managed to eat about 4 forkfuls of her lunch, and then said "oh I had a late breakfast of a big bowl of porridge, so I'm a bit full, sorry", friend A was pretty bloody offended.

AGypsiesWife · 14/12/2013 15:20

Sorry, missed the bit about the microwaved pie! Ha! Priceless! Poor thing - she must be starving herself, bless her! Best to see the funny side, don't you think?

Financeprincess · 14/12/2013 15:21

Yes, she was rude and selfish.

Remind her of this the next time she falls off the wagon and is guzzling crisps.

anotherchristmasnamechange · 14/12/2013 15:21

YANBU, I wouldn't invite her again and let her know why!

MrsShortfuse · 14/12/2013 15:22

YANBU. Very rude. What is so annoying about these people is they never actually lose any weight in the long run.

I am sick of all fecking diets and fads! I'm cooking Christmas dinner for 15. There are only about 3 of us with no fads, allergies, intolerances (all imaginary) absurd diet regimes blah blah blah. Grr!

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2013 15:31

You invite someone to dinner.
They accept.
You put the food in front of them.
They eat it.

They thank you.

That's usually how it works.

To refuse at the last minute is rude. If she didn't want the meal she should have said so days in advance to give you either time to adapt the menu or call it off.

iklboo · 14/12/2013 18:08

SW does extra easy now so you don't have to do the red & green days any more. Unless she ate the entire fish pie swallowed down with a bottle of wine or two she wouldn't be 'sabotaging' herself - she could just adapt her other days around one meal. It's what we (DH & I) do when we know we're eating out.

Whistleblower0 · 14/12/2013 19:30

She was rude. Yanbu.i am not familliar with the principles of SW, but what sort of a diet does not let you eat a sensible portion fish of pie for dinnerHmm People need to ditch the diet mentality and just eat sensibly.

mumofweeboys · 14/12/2013 19:43

Completely rude but I remember the days of being completely obsessed with a diet and not daring to go off plan

MammaTJ · 14/12/2013 20:19

YANBU!! I have friends who do slimming world and I do it too.

When I go to non SW friends, I will usually eat what they make and be grateful.

HollaAtMeBaby · 14/12/2013 21:59

YANBU. When did everyone get so fussy? Any friend of mine who has any sort of special diet/fussy eating requirements simply doesn't get invited for dinner! If they won't eat what they're given, they're downgraded to popping round for tea/coffee.

pigletmania · 14/12/2013 23:19

Yanbu feckung rude. One blooming night would not Mae a difference. It's not pizza hut fgs, fish is very healthy!

homeagain · 15/12/2013 01:36

YANBU, but I wonder if she felt awkward at the idea of asking you to make something different specially, and thought (wrongly) that she was being helpful?

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 02:02

~When did fish pie go on the "fattening" list?!

And the fact that she had some late tells me that she is in denial. She will convince herself that because she had a SW syn free dinner, that she had a good day and wont count the fish pie or the G&T's. In a few weeks she will be off SW and blaming them for the fact she didnt lose weight.

How do I know this? It's what I did.

Personally I found both SW to be the hardest way to lose weight because it is so easy to cheat and it doesnt teach good eating habits.

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 02:04

That is both the old and the new SW to be the hardest way to lose weight...

MiniMonty · 15/12/2013 02:14

I LOVE it if this is a big enough problem in your life to post it on the net - I totally LOVE it and I want to BE YOU

Bogeyface · 15/12/2013 03:15

mini

Well as someone who has far bigger problems than what the OP posted about, I wonder why you are so bitter. Your post says far more about you than it does the OP.

JapaneseMargaret · 15/12/2013 07:17

And the tediously predictable, banal post of the year goes to MiniMonty.

SqueakyCleanLibertine · 15/12/2013 07:38

mini not every post on MN can be earth shatteringly important. Feel free to not reply.

firesidechat · 15/12/2013 07:43

It might not be a big deal, but of course it's rude!

I do worry about the erosion of simple good manners these days, but then I'm getting on a bit now and perhaps it's just my age. Hmm

This is one of the reasons that I keep putting off going to WW or SW. I would hate to be around people like this who turn into slimming bores of the worst kind. Despite what she thinks a small portion of fish pie wouldn't have killed her. I love fish pie.

firesidechat · 15/12/2013 07:57

Oh and thank you mini for proving my point about the erosion of good manners.

Hulababy · 15/12/2013 08:18

Very rude.

You don't accept a dinner invitation and then eat before hand and refuse dinner when you arrive!

It's unbelievable bad manners.

If you have dietary needs to bring it up at the time of invitation, or you decline with that reason.

daisychain01 · 15/12/2013 08:30

YANBU.

Nice that she ate some of your amazing fish pie later on.

I must admit, I cant understand how someone would say no to delicious homemade food but then drink alcohol, which gives you the munchies. Im sure Slimmers World wouldn't recommend that sort of diet!

Whistleblower0 · 15/12/2013 09:39

I want to make fish pie after this thread. Smile i'm going to cook it for dinner tomorrow night.

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