to not allow my daughter to stay with my MiL?

[Freddiefrog]

DD is 12 and is coeliac.

MiL has made it quite clear on several occasions that she think's it all "nonsense" and "in my day we didn't have all these allergies" or "it's just an excuse to be a fussy eater".

She thinks I "pander" to my daughter when I should just make her eat what she's given or go without.

She wants both DDs to stay with her for just short of a week over the Christmas holidays, given the above, I'm reluctant to allow my daughter to stay with her without DH or I as I don't trust her to keep to DD's gluten free diet.

DD is pretty good at managing her own diet but only to a certain extent, she knows to check labels and stuff and on the whole knows what she can and can't have, but with things like main meals, she has to have GF bread, etc, it is all a bit beyond her control

Add the 2 x 400 mile round trips to drop them off/pick them up because MiL won't meet us half way or do one trip, and the fact that neither girl wants to go I've said no, but MiL is massively kicking off, and as luck would have it, DH is away for work for the next few days

At least she's left recorded evidence
, on the answeri g service, of her ranting! Though you might want to record, then delete, it, before any of your children come across it!

She sounds bloody awful! Not approving of fostering? Wtf?

But tbh your DH should have sorted this and be asking her why she wants to make your DD ill. When exactly did she qualify as a doctor? I would be absolutely furious if my DM was behaving in this way and wouldn't hesitate to tell her. Maybe he just hasn't been as angry with her as he should?

Have you ever read Toxic Inlaws, OP? People here swear by it, and as someone whose MIL is a raging selfish egocentric PITA, but not toxic, I can safely say I think you're a bloody saint to tolerate this.

I haven't read it, I'll track it down

DH is really angry with her, we've been over and over it time and time again but she has the hide of a rhino.

Most of the time I refuse to have anything to do with her and DH sorts her out, I just got it today as DH isn't here

We live far enough away that we don't have to deal with her all that often, I grit my teeth and do the Christmas/birthday visits and don't see her again for another 6 months

If I had my way I'd never see her again but my kids, who obviously know nothing about any of her shenannegans, do love her and enjoy spending time with her.

I have to say that I would be making it crystal clear why you are saying no.

"I realise that you are disappointed, but you must understand that as long as you continue to disbelieve that DD has a serious health issue, they will not be staying with you. You seem to believe she if fussy and we pander to her, nothing could be further from the truth, we would all love for her to be able to eat a more varied diet but this is simply not possible. Until you accept this, the girls will not be spending any time away without DH or I being there too."

If she is kicking off then that is the perfect time to "clear up any misunderstandings"