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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the headteacher should keep her nose out?!!

101 replies

Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 09:23

I have ibd (irritable bowel disease). I suffer mostly in the mornings/during the night. I have sickness with it and a lot a lot of pain.

Last year when daughter was in reception, she used to be late for school most days due to be not being able to leave the toilet.Blush.
Anyway this year her best friends mum said if I ever need help, text her and she will run dd to school, as they have to go by our house anyway.

This year iv managed to get some control and dd has hardly been late. A few weeks ago I had a huge flair up, asked friends mum if she could run dd school. She made an excuse saying she was running late (she drive to school I walk) and that she wouldn't be able too. Okay that's fine, but I asked if she could pick dd up (I had been doctors during the day and was in agorny) she said yes that's fine, dd can come to play.
Normally on play dates (either way) I or her pick both dds up and bring them home, rather then both go down.

I ended up with a snooty text saying "i thought you was meeting me here to pick dds bags up?!" I didn't realise. I apologised a lot.
She then sent me along message saying headteacher had told her she must never take dd school again, or pick her up (even though I give consent). I should have to deal with my problems myself and "not drag people involved". Headteacher also has told health vistor "I attach myself to people who I then take advantage off"?!!

Me and this women I thought was friends. We go for a cuppa to each other's house!

I questioned the head teacher the other day. She denied it. I accepted that the other women was lying to me.

The next day the women told me the headteacher had pulled her over again and told her that I had been to see her, and that under no acception should she help me anymore, and she is "writing it down" every time she brings dd in.

I swear to god must be about 12 times throughout the year iv asked for help.

So this Tuesday I had a flare up where I was rushed to the drs. I asked three diffrent people who walk past my house, and are friends with dd, each one said no. I even offered money.

I'm so hurt and feel so alone :(

OP posts:
pudcat · 13/12/2013 12:46

Mummy perhaps you need to ask the dr about your IBS and get referred back to Homestart as they certainly do work with children up to the age of 5. Perhaps your meds for depression need reviewing as well. Your friend is no friend and the HT will not have said all these things.It is more than her job is worth.

CaptainSweatPants · 13/12/2013 12:47

Could your sister help you ?

NigellasDealer · 13/12/2013 12:47

well if they are doing that, they are NOT friends and you should relegate them to 'acquaintance' forthwith!!
Flowers

forthview · 13/12/2013 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2013 12:50

So what have you decided to do OP?

Are you going to make an appointment with the Head and get it sorted out?

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 12:54

I'm going to wait to see hv, and the the doctor. Iv just been put on new antidepressants.
Forthveiw know one knows any of the shit I go through in RL.

OP posts:
nennypops · 13/12/2013 12:57

There's something in the guidance on home to school transport about local authorities having regard to equality duties and providing transport assistance when the parent is disabled. It could be worth applying to the school transport department for help.

Also social services should be keeping core assessments of the family up to date and should have a care plan in place. I suggest you make a formal request for an up to date assessment. I think by law they have to complete it within 45 days.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 13:16

OP go over to parents with diabilities nd ask there..and DO ask the GP for advice.

ElbowPrincess · 13/12/2013 13:22

I am a Homestart volunteer, and we cannot take on children already at school/over 5.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 14:07

Well then why does the website say "Or for as long as they need it"??

JuanPotatoTwo · 13/12/2013 14:55

HomeStart will help families with children up to and including five. Speak to your HV and ask her to refer you again if you want, but I don't think HS will be able to help you with the taking to school issue. If you're lucky to get a volunteer (there are often waiting lists for volunteers), they generally only come once a week for two to three hours.

anotherchristmasnamechange · 13/12/2013 14:58

The OP has a four year old? So she should qualify either way.

JuanPotatoTwo · 13/12/2013 15:01

Yes anotherchristmas.

decaffwithcream · 13/12/2013 16:24

Seriously OP, take a look at the FODMAP diet in the link that Dancelikenooneiswatching provided. IBS can be debilitating. It is great that they now have a plan that is very effective for the vast majority of people. I feel everyone with IBS should be told about it.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 13/12/2013 16:57

Does your school have a Parent Support Worker?
They can often help with transport, support groups etc.

bochead · 14/12/2013 00:08

Can your husband not change his work patterns so that he can do the morning school runs?

If the state will not help you, then you will either have to pay a child minder OR, rely on your sister or husband. Social care budgets are minimal and if there is an able bodied adult in the house then they will expect that parent to pull his weight while you are incapacitated. I do understand that this will require significant financial upheaval, but thems the breaks.

This other parent is NOT your friend, and now you've been told not to expect her help any longer you need to act on that.

I get the impression school has you down as a can't be assed to get out of bed type of parent, rather than a sick one. If that's the case then schools carry much more weight than medics nowadays, and you need to stop things escalating with the authorities now as a matter of urgency.

raisah · 14/12/2013 08:21

I had IBS but it's under control after my nutritionist put me on a temporary exclusion diet and on a 6 month course of acidophilus. After that my symptoms disappeared so its worth trying & as its not a drug it shouldnt interfere with your existing medicating but do seek the advice of your gp first.

I was advised to take the acidophilus stored in the fridge as they are stronger than the ones found on the shop shelf.

www.planetorganic.com/biocare-bio-acidophilus-1.html

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 14/12/2013 09:04

Hard to believe people are having a go at the OP! As she has actually heard the head being a complete bitch, it's unlikely that the friend is totally lying. Never mind changing schools- report the horrible head to the local authority. She has no right to act like that. Dump the horrible friend too OP and try to find some nicer ones. Some of us are nice! Good luck!

Lilacroses · 14/12/2013 09:27

I don't think I would talk to the ht as she does indeed sound awful. It makes me really sad to hear that people in her situation can actually be so unpleasant. Anyway, I also know someone who has had great success with fodmap so give it a look op. Really hope things improve for you.

Loriens · 14/12/2013 11:57

Longtime lurker here but just wanted to mention that OP says she has IBD rather than IBS which are two completely different conditions albeit both affect the bowel.

If IBD, the OP should be managed by a consultant and specialist nurse team who may be able to do intervene with other agencies to provide assistance. In addition, they may be able to look at your treatment plan with a view to easing your symptoms which may help you.

I don't know how you can resolve the issues with HT, perhaps arrange a meeting taking another adult with you (DH perhaps?) as additional support and an extra pair of 'ears' so that nothing can be misconstrued.

Wishing you well; IBD can be very distressing and debilitating without the other problems that you have.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 14/12/2013 16:50

Whilst you do have some of my sympathy for having IBD or IBS I do not believe that any Headteacher would say those things and I am sure that your soon to be your ex friend is a liar! It should be your no.1 priority getting your DC to school on time so good luck with getting everything sorted for next term!

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 14/12/2013 22:21

Don't you think, me trying to sort out getting my dd to school while I'm stuck on the loo, is being my piroity?! Yes, I will walk to school with shit running down my leg. You have no idea of the pain it causes. I actually have labour contractions.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 14/12/2013 22:32

Home Start in our area stops when the youngest child starts at school or nursery because they primarily provide respite for mums at home with preschoolers. Once the mum has a couple or half-days to herself, they no longer provide the service.

MammaTJ · 14/12/2013 23:37

How would the 'friend' have known you had been tothe HT and asked her about what she had aid if the HT had not told her.

I believe the HT is an uprofessional person (wasn't that restrained?) and you should report her to the govenors.

Ask the HV for help and see if there is any available.

There was someone down the road from me whos baby had bad eczema, so she struggled to get the other DC to school, so she had help with that one little thing. Not sure who or how, but she did get help!

Melonbreath · 15/12/2013 08:18

Report the head, it was unprofessional and nasty.