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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the headteacher should keep her nose out?!!

101 replies

Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 09:23

I have ibd (irritable bowel disease). I suffer mostly in the mornings/during the night. I have sickness with it and a lot a lot of pain.

Last year when daughter was in reception, she used to be late for school most days due to be not being able to leave the toilet.Blush.
Anyway this year her best friends mum said if I ever need help, text her and she will run dd to school, as they have to go by our house anyway.

This year iv managed to get some control and dd has hardly been late. A few weeks ago I had a huge flair up, asked friends mum if she could run dd school. She made an excuse saying she was running late (she drive to school I walk) and that she wouldn't be able too. Okay that's fine, but I asked if she could pick dd up (I had been doctors during the day and was in agorny) she said yes that's fine, dd can come to play.
Normally on play dates (either way) I or her pick both dds up and bring them home, rather then both go down.

I ended up with a snooty text saying "i thought you was meeting me here to pick dds bags up?!" I didn't realise. I apologised a lot.
She then sent me along message saying headteacher had told her she must never take dd school again, or pick her up (even though I give consent). I should have to deal with my problems myself and "not drag people involved". Headteacher also has told health vistor "I attach myself to people who I then take advantage off"?!!

Me and this women I thought was friends. We go for a cuppa to each other's house!

I questioned the head teacher the other day. She denied it. I accepted that the other women was lying to me.

The next day the women told me the headteacher had pulled her over again and told her that I had been to see her, and that under no acception should she help me anymore, and she is "writing it down" every time she brings dd in.

I swear to god must be about 12 times throughout the year iv asked for help.

So this Tuesday I had a flare up where I was rushed to the drs. I asked three diffrent people who walk past my house, and are friends with dd, each one said no. I even offered money.

I'm so hurt and feel so alone :(

OP posts:
LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 13/12/2013 11:42

OP look into homestart, they may not be available to help in your area, i know each area is different but its a start.

SunshinemMum · 13/12/2013 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:43

I have health vistor coming on Tuesday again, she came this week, and is new. She seems lovely and has children at the school.

Husband can't help at all, he works from 5am until 6pm x

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 13/12/2013 11:44

I think it would be helpful for you at the moment OP, to separate the issues you have with the HT form the fact that you need some professional support with managing your IBS and your DDs needs.

Concentrate on getting some support so that you are not left having to ask other parents for help.

Once that is sorted it would be a good idea to approach the HT and tell her the measures you have put in place.

It's really not going to help you to get into a ''who said what'' war with a slippery 'friend' and a head teacher. Get help for yourself first and foremost.

Brokensoul · 13/12/2013 11:44

OP your " friend" is not your friend. She Is lying.
If HT said that, she wouldn't say it to her she would talk to you about the issue.
Your friend is the type I call " blabbering blas" - just talk talk and no truth In anything they say... She is talking bad about you in school and she is complaining... Believe me, I have seen it all.

fluffyraggies · 13/12/2013 11:45

xposted Op.

That's good. Dont worry too much the HT for now.

Brokensoul · 13/12/2013 11:45

Sorry for being too direct but speaking from my heart...

tombakerscarf · 13/12/2013 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:52

Thanks everyone. Home start I have no idea why it stopped. I did run into them last month and asked if there was any groups me and ds could go to, and there's none as it's all for babies. He's four so they think he's a bit too old now. He's delayed 18months though.

I'm hoping the health vistor will help x

OP posts:
MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 11:52

What Fluffy said with bells on. Don't waste ANY more time worrying about other people. Get help. Tell the HV ALL about it and ask her for support in getting Homestart back on the case. Have you spoken to yor doctor too? You can ask them about getting help.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 11:53

He is not too old. Homestart are there to support parents in need of help. Not only for babies. Parents with illness or problems can turn to them for the extra support no matter what the age. Get this sorted out asap OP. Tell HV.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:56

I have spoken to home start, they said he was too old. I have postnatal depression too, and had a lot of help through home start when ds was little, but as soon as he turned 2, it all stopped. The groups are only for a year, and then your not allowed to go again. It's stupid.

I asked ht last year for help, when my depression was bad. Thing she said was "what do you want me to do?! All I can do is ring social services".

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 13/12/2013 11:57

You asked three people to help you out, even offered money. Your dd's mum seems to want to distance herself, why do you think people are having this reaction to you?

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:58

Maybe I'm just a horrible person.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 13/12/2013 12:01

Can you pay a childminder to do the school run both ways for you every day until you have your medical condition under control? I really think that would be best rather than relying on "friends" to help you out.
With regards to the HT and your "friend"-I would either put in a formal complaint to the governors about HT behaviour or ask for a meeting with her to discuss what has gone on and your concerns. The "friend"...she isn't your friend. Sounds like she is trying every excuse going to not pick up your DD when she should really just be honest and say no. She also sounds like a prize shit stirrer (there is always one at the school gates!). Wide berth from now on, do not gossip to her or ask for her help.
Good luck with your health issues, I hope you get some positive improvements soon. I would take a step back from the school gossips and just concern yourself with your DD and getting well. X

CoffeeTea103 · 13/12/2013 12:04

I'm not saying you are horrible, just that maybe you are unintentionally coming across in the wrong way to people. I don't know how so many people would refuse to help someone who is sick, especially since they weren't going out of there way.

NigellasDealer · 13/12/2013 12:05

i am sure you are not a horrible person but it might be to do with the way you are asking? also people can be caught up in their own dramas.

dancelikenooneiswatching · 13/12/2013 12:08

My husband has suffered with IBS for years. He went on the FODMAP diet about 3 months ago and it made a huge difference. You can download it here. fodmapdietrecipes.blogspot.co.uk/p/fodmap-diet-food-list.html

But what really made the biggest difference was when he started taking vitamin D tablets. Now he doesn't get any bloating or stomach cramps and is a different person.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 12:17

"Volunteers are very committed and will keep visiting until the youngest child turns five or starts school, or until the parents feel they can stand on their own two feet."

See that OP? That is taken directly from Homestart's website. You are still eligible. Call them.

SunshinemMum · 13/12/2013 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 12:31

Mrsuptight, must be round here then as you can know have them for a year now, and because I had mine for three I had to let her go. I think it's funding/note nought volunteers ATM. I didn't want her to go kids saw her as an adopted nan, was awful :(

OP posts:
Brokensoul · 13/12/2013 12:35

Maybe your friend is talking tosh about you? Just a thought...

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 12:37

Well if I didn't feel lonely n crap, I do now.

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 13/12/2013 12:42

why would you say that? you have been offered loads of support and advice? Confused

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 12:45

I know, and I'm thankful, it's the thought of being slagged off by friends

OP posts: