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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the headteacher should keep her nose out?!!

101 replies

Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 09:23

I have ibd (irritable bowel disease). I suffer mostly in the mornings/during the night. I have sickness with it and a lot a lot of pain.

Last year when daughter was in reception, she used to be late for school most days due to be not being able to leave the toilet.Blush.
Anyway this year her best friends mum said if I ever need help, text her and she will run dd to school, as they have to go by our house anyway.

This year iv managed to get some control and dd has hardly been late. A few weeks ago I had a huge flair up, asked friends mum if she could run dd school. She made an excuse saying she was running late (she drive to school I walk) and that she wouldn't be able too. Okay that's fine, but I asked if she could pick dd up (I had been doctors during the day and was in agorny) she said yes that's fine, dd can come to play.
Normally on play dates (either way) I or her pick both dds up and bring them home, rather then both go down.

I ended up with a snooty text saying "i thought you was meeting me here to pick dds bags up?!" I didn't realise. I apologised a lot.
She then sent me along message saying headteacher had told her she must never take dd school again, or pick her up (even though I give consent). I should have to deal with my problems myself and "not drag people involved". Headteacher also has told health vistor "I attach myself to people who I then take advantage off"?!!

Me and this women I thought was friends. We go for a cuppa to each other's house!

I questioned the head teacher the other day. She denied it. I accepted that the other women was lying to me.

The next day the women told me the headteacher had pulled her over again and told her that I had been to see her, and that under no acception should she help me anymore, and she is "writing it down" every time she brings dd in.

I swear to god must be about 12 times throughout the year iv asked for help.

So this Tuesday I had a flare up where I was rushed to the drs. I asked three diffrent people who walk past my house, and are friends with dd, each one said no. I even offered money.

I'm so hurt and feel so alone :(

OP posts:
pudcat · 13/12/2013 10:57

The HT is not allowed to say "this stuff". It is a breach of cofidentiality. Nor is she allowed to tell you to "stop making stupid excuses". If this is true, remove your child and report her to the governors, the LEA and Ofsted.

Birdsgottafly · 13/12/2013 11:05

Call a meeting with the Head, to go received that you are "very concerned" that a breach if confidentiality has occurred and a sensitive issue hasn't been handled in the correct way.

I doubt that the Head has said what your friend reported, she may have enquired why she was bringing your DD in, though and she certainly shouldn't "Butt out" of what could be a Pupil Welfare issue (if she doesn't ask, she doesn't know).

If this is a real medical problem, your DD is a "Child In Need", any parent that cannot get their child to school because of a medical issue, is entitled to help.

The school can find a way around this, this is an issue that they deal with constantly.

Call a meeting to clarify everything and see how to proceed in the future.

Your "friend" obviously doesn't quite believe you.

If your IBS is interrupting family life, is your GO aware and is everything being done that can be?

Birdsgottafly · 13/12/2013 11:07

Sorry, lots of autocorrects. It should of been "you are very concerned" in the first sentence.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:08

Can I also tell you some other things I have heard her say?!

Earlier this year a women at school who has a 7yr old dd and a 4yo dd, youngest due to start school last September. But the poor girl had cancer, and it was unlikely that she was going to make it to September. So health vistor aggranged for head teacher to allow this little girl two days at school so it's like her first day.
They tied to arrange a day, and the mum said she couldn't do this day due to hospital appointment. Ht said okay we will do this other day. The mum left and I had to go to reception so followed ht. she went into the reception and I swear to god said to the women behind the desk

"She should be greatfaul I'm taking her dd, it's not my problem that she has to do it now, she should just do the day I give her and be happy".

I was fuming, rang my sister who's best friend with the mum.

Another time she asked the reception women to ask me to wait for a chat. I said I can't I haven't got time I have to run to somewhere.. She said "I doubt shes busy tell her to wait"

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 13/12/2013 11:09

she sounds like a real cow actually from your anecdotes - personally I would be thinking of changing school.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:12

I was thinking about moving dd to a different school, even thought about moving areas and a fresh start. But dh job is in this town, and dd has best friends at school :(

OP posts:
decaffwithcream · 13/12/2013 11:13

Do you know about the FODMAP diet OP? Not a diet as such, but the most recent breakthrough on IBS - Australian researchers worked out very very specifically which foods need avoided and which are fine.

Very high success rates on large scale studies for people with the whole spectrum of IBS symptoms.

Life changing if you've been living with IBS for years.

newfavouritething · 13/12/2013 11:15

Well maybe you should keep your nose out of the HT's business. You really felt the need to report confidential office chat to the mother of a dying girl?? You should be ashamed of yourself.

TheSmallHoofPrintsInTheSnow · 13/12/2013 11:18

My friend walks DS to school every day and we are frequently helping out each other and other parents who may be working or just to save all of us collecting every day, there is no problem with doing that and the head shouldn't make an issue out of that. I think it's the 'friend' being a cow.

Shallistopnow · 13/12/2013 11:23

New she didn't tell the cancer girl's mum.

And OP I would definitely change schools early on while your DD is young.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:24

Erm did I say I told the mum? Nope. Nor did my sister. I'm sorry but it was in the reception with other parents there!!! So don't you dare have ago at me!

OP posts:
Shallistopnow · 13/12/2013 11:25

Also why did your 'friend' think you would be there to pick up the bags? If you're going to do that, you may as well pick up DD! What is the area like that you live in? It sounds so unfriendly!

SunshinemMum · 13/12/2013 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeepThought · 13/12/2013 11:28

But you were gossiping with your sister

I'm kinda seeing why your arrangements might have fallen through, now

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:28

The area isn't too bad, but the houses are big and detached this end of town, so the school is full of posh mums. The other side where I grew up and my sisters live is more council housing, and the school that my daughter was originally going to go too. But it's too far to walk twice a day x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:30

I was not gossiping, I was in total shock and actually very upset about it!! How dare you.

OP posts:
newfavouritething · 13/12/2013 11:33

But you were gossiping, look, you said so yourself

I was fuming, rang my sister who's best friend with the mum.

I'm with deepthought on this one.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 13/12/2013 11:35

If i heard a HT talking about a mother a dying child like that, i'd have to talk about it to make sure i werent the only one to think that was disgusting.

Instead of having a go at the OP, think about the HT said, if you heard it, you would be shocked aswell.

linzicam1985 · 13/12/2013 11:36

I would like 2 think if it was me or my child getting talked about like I would want 2 know as thays is shocking and ht has no right 2 say that at all my girls used 2 go a school where wgen u're child is getting bullied and u spoke 2 ht dhe always made light of it and turned it round on my girls it was a case of if u're face fits as the children doing the bullying their parents were on the pta for the school seams like u're daughters school is very similar in regards 2 the ht xxx

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 11:38

I think you need something proper in place...not relying on random people. You say you've "only" asked for help about 12 times this year...well that's a lot! I've only asked for help about twice in three years!

I'm not being mean...or comparing as I don't have IBS....but you definitley need something in place to support you...and not some woman who obviously does not want to do it.

There's an organisation...I can't remember the name but it's often mentioned on here...it's a kind of home help for parents in need of a hand...and it's free. Someone here must know what it's called..."Homestart" could be it...

lookatmybutt · 13/12/2013 11:39

Well maybe you should keep your nose out of the HT's business. You really felt the need to report confidential office chat to the mother of a dying girl?? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Well, that's a a stupid thing to say. The HT is the one who breached confidentiality. It's not OPs fault that she has a pair of ears that can hear things. The HT should've been ashamed of herself.

I've worked in environments dealing with sensitive issues and you know what you don't do? Talk about confidential stuff in earshot of the general public.

It's a blooody no brainer.

linzicam1985 · 13/12/2013 11:39

homestart are gd mrsuptight xxx

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 13/12/2013 11:40

Iv already been through home start with my son who has global development delay. We had a volunteer for three years. She left in jan x

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/12/2013 11:41

I'm struggling with this now to be honest OP

You seem to overhear an awful lot of things that this woman says.

If I were you, I'd put out of your mind everything she's said to/about other people and just make an appointment with her and the attendance/welfare officer to see how they can help you.

Good luck.

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 11:42

OP well it sounds like you need more help from them....call and ask. You have a husband don't you? Does he work in the mornings? Can't he help a bit? Maybe take DD to breakfast club on the way to work?

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