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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kill MIL

93 replies

Shesalwaysright · 12/12/2013 17:57

Have just found out that my DH has invited his mother to stay over New Year, so that she doesn't have to be on her own. She is already staying nine days over Christmas for most of which I will be either biting my tongue or hiding in bedroom to avoid all-out war. MIL is obsessed with DH, besotted to the point that I find it creepy. DH is 50 and has grownup daughters yet MIL is still re-telling the tales of his O levels, schooldays, what he did as a toddler, you name it.

I have carefully, politely, and delicately explained to DH that if MIL stays longer than the original agreed nine days, I am moving out to hotel and going to the party without him. OK, what actually happened is that I said "oh f*" and the put the phone down on him, but you get the idea. Am I being a complete cow or is this reasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesalwaysright · 12/12/2013 23:11

Thank you Winky. Yes, the original title was supposed to be a joke. Looks like it didn't work....

OP posts:
IThoughtThat · 12/12/2013 23:13

My MIL reminisces about people who died over 50 years ago. The same stories again and again and again. She is lovely but she drives me crazy. Her sons won't let her drone on reminisce so she saves it all for lucky old me Confused. Now, I don't even bother disguising the fact I am MN'ing while she talks at me

YANBU !

ScarletLady02 · 12/12/2013 23:19

I love my MIL and we get on well, I think I'm the only one of DH's partners who has got on with her (no reflection on her...DH had TERRIBLE taste in women before I came along Grin ) but I'd struggle with 9 days to be honest....DH would struggle more, I have a lot more patience than him. He loves his Mum but 9 days is a LONG time!

YANBU

winkywinkola · 12/12/2013 23:37

Cheezus, nine whole days. And it's still not enough. Poor op.

Overthehillmum · 12/12/2013 23:48

Sorry my yabu was based on you killing your mil, but you are not being unreasonable in doing whatever you feel is justified to your DP, carry on !!

maddening · 13/12/2013 00:07

my gran told us all stories of my dad's childhood and those of our ti e with her- funny moments or adventures we had together - it is one of my fondest memories - and she never tires of telling the same ones again and again - these are her memories of her time with her son - just like you will with your dd's - let her enjoy her memories.

Ledkr · 13/12/2013 00:08

I wouldn't want my best friend staying that long! I don't even didn't 9 days in a row with my dh or children!
I'd just go out and party, let dh sit with his mum and keep her company whilst watching jools holland!

maddening · 13/12/2013 00:09

oh but yanbu to feel miffed about new years!

helzapoppin2 · 13/12/2013 00:18

Mine stays a similar length of time and sometimes longer. I have resigned myself to it, but simmer inside.
Holidays are fine because you're not doing much else than eating, drinking etc, but when they're over I want my life back, and don't want to "entertain" anyone for any longer.
It makes me feel as if I'm an evil misery which is why I keep it to myself!
Oh, and I am an MIL too!

Bubblegoose · 13/12/2013 04:15

yanbu.

Mine is coming for a month from next week. We have a v new baby, too. I am being a bitch and have written up a cooking and housework rota.

helzapoppin2 · 13/12/2013 06:35

Bubblegoose, you are not being a bitch at all!
It's a good way of coping with lots of people in the house.

HaveAFestiveLittleChristmas · 13/12/2013 06:43

I am a MIL.
Love my DC to bits, feel much the same way about their partners ...and we won't even start to talk about DGC adoration.
I see a lot of them all. We get on well.

Much as I love them all, I would rather spend the entire time alone than spend 9 days in their homes, without a break, immediately followed by another stay !!!!!!!!!
Apart from anything else, 9+2 (or 3) days of crawling round the floor playing with the children, and non stop running to keep up with them, would render me too exhausted to move off the sofa. Plus I get tired of the healthy diets and start to crave a carbfest Grin

Honestly OP, your MIL's acceptance of this plan sounds to me as though she is terribly lonely and short of things to do in her life.
Give yourself a break ....buy her a New Year cruise ticket for Christmas.

BlingBang · 13/12/2013 08:06

Must be a total weirdo then as we had the PIL to stay for 5 weeks once and it was such a special time. Did we annoy each other now and then, sure we did but it was a time that we will never get back. And we used to go on holiday with them, was great. I know not everyone has a MIL they get on with but this constant attack against them is quite sad. i Only have boys and one day may have a DIL who can't stand me, finds me a nuisance to be avoided or put up with.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 13/12/2013 08:10

I only have boys too and I hope I will know better than to try to take up the entirety of their Christmas and New Year holidays staying in their home.

greenfolder · 13/12/2013 08:10

i love my mum and adored my mil. 3 days maximum. the other year she got snowed in with us for 8 days. oh my god.

TalkativeJim · 13/12/2013 08:15

You're basically spending most of Christmas feeling uncomfortable and irritated in your own home, then?

And instead of being indescribably grateful that you're doing this for his sake, your DH's response is to immediately push further- not even asking you whether you are ok with someone staying over NY when you have plans, much less asking if it's ok that the very person he knows you will be putting up with under some duress stays?

All joking aside, I would be livid, and yes I'd put my foot down-firstly because I'd expect to be consulted in advance, and secondly because if you don't, it looks as if you're on the road to the woman practically moving in for next year.

No. She's had her visit- you'd also like some consideration. And next year is your year off.

travailtotravel · 13/12/2013 08:19

YANBU, really not. 9 days and New Year. Just no. What about what you want?

Can he not go to her for a bit instead? Giving you some lovely lovely peace and quiet!

fluffyraggies · 13/12/2013 08:22

I think many peoples perspective about having house guests is coloured by how much actual room there is in their house. It's quite an important factor.

Lets not forget there will be a huge diversity here between folks living arrangements. If there really is only just enough room for you and your family, having another person or two in the house, who don't always know about or comply with normal house routines can be very stressful.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 13/12/2013 08:34

Fluffy you're entirely right. The presence of an extra reception room to retreat to, or a designated spare bedroom so none of the kids (or adults!) end up on airbeds - these things are going to make for an easier or harder stay.
As does general compatability - do you all like watching tv, do you like the same programmes, do you eat similar food.

helzapoppin2 · 13/12/2013 08:53

It's the endless cooking I find difficult. Last year, over Christmas it seemed to be a succession of "special meals". Day MIL arrives, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, day friends drop in, New Years Eve, New Years day, get my drift? It seemed like a lot of rabbits to pull out of the hat. Every fricking day seemed to be special this or that. Like Downton Abbey with a staff of one!

JackNoneReacher · 13/12/2013 09:06

Mil has just produced an old cardboard box filled with books and offered to show me dh's primary school reports.

Yanbu.

PurpleJellyDisc · 13/12/2013 09:12

Are members of Gransnet trolling this thread?!

GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck · 13/12/2013 09:17

Yanbu. I have an agreement with dh that as long as he wants to be the proud owner of a penis, we won't stay with his mum.

The suggestion came about the day that she moved myboob in order to lie her head on my pg bump and the deal was clinched the day that she lifted my top up and stroked my boob while I was breastfeeding.

TheMaw · 13/12/2013 09:21

I'm really torn over this - on one hand, it's awful for her to be alone and I would hate my mum to be on her own at ny.

On the other hand, I couldn't stand my mil for more than an afternoon.

On my secret hidden third hand, I'll be a mil one day and I'd like to think my dil would want me around!

Preciousbane · 13/12/2013 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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