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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that having too many parents of pupils working in a school is not good?

111 replies

scottishbelle78 · 12/12/2013 11:27

These children may be discriminated against in a view of appearing fair or it may appear that these children get priority due to a parent being staff. The latter I feel happening in the school my 3dc attended.
Children of staff seem to have a disproportionate amount of leads in school plays
Get 1st dibs in 1st come 1st served afterschool cubs.
Get picked for special activities ie things with press involved.
School events are scheduled for their benefit.
Aibu and reading too much into this.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 12/12/2013 22:10

What if the teacher's kid is the most talented/best for the part? Reading this thread has made me quite annoyed. Sounds like there are lot of chips on shoulders.

DoJo · 12/12/2013 22:55

minor misdemeanors that would never normally be communicated to parents always were.

THIS!! My mum taught at my primary school and was of the 'firm but fair' school of teaching so I already had to put up with people having a go at me about the fact that she had punished them for something. Added to that the fact that I was frequently double punished for fairly minor misdemeanours, the fact that I was usually at school from about 8am till around 5.15 pm every day and the expectation of me to 'know better' when it came to fairly normal child behaviour combined to leave me feeling a little hard done-by because of it.

EvilTwins · 12/12/2013 23:02

I'm a drama teacher and we're doing Les Mis for our school production. Eponine is being played by the daughter of the Chair of Govs. Nothing to do with that, though, she's just very talented. I would be livid if I heard anyone suggest she got the role because of nepotism.

EthethethethChrisWaddle · 12/12/2013 23:04

I work at my kids primary school, and there are quite a few other TAs who are mothers there. I've never noticed (even before I started working there this year) any favouritism because parents work there. Mine don't have major parts in the play, although they don't actually want them.

I can't think of any advantage for them having me work there, apart from small DS seeing me at lunch time, lucky him!

I don't even know if I'll get to see DS's play as it's during my working hours and I'm supposed to be in my class while it's happening. Definitely not arranged to suit me. I shall complain!

nooka · 13/12/2013 16:10

Having a parent at school who wants to pretend they are not your parent when they are there isn't great either. My mother said I should call her Mrs x and I refused. She was my mother and I was damned if I was going to play that game (I was a teenager and I was very angry about her coming to my school). I think it is actually a really unfair ask.

They certainly don't stop being your parent when someone in the staff room goes off about something you've done and you get in in the neck (I remember lots of really uncomfortable car journeys with my mum before I started cycling to school instead).

As an adult I totally understand why my mother came and taught at my school, but I really don't think she thought throguh the impact it would have on me. It's a really really difficult balancing act to get right.

OctopusWrangler · 15/12/2013 00:06

At my senior school (1990's), the three children of staff were like pampered lordlings. They had privileges, knew it and loved to flaunt it.

My children are at a state primary. There are about eight staff members with children in school. Maybe three of those parents have children who get preferential treatment. One is head girl, one got to join any after school club wanted regardless of year group restrictions or 'first come first served' policy.

It shouldn't happen, but it does.

Hogwash · 15/12/2013 02:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistressDeeCee · 15/12/2013 08:33

YANBU. Its not an ideal situation at all. & its a way of gossip being spread around about families and children too. Ive had friends who worked at schools in the past and sometimes was pretty uncomfortable about some of the 'stories' they had, which I felt should be private really.

winkywinkola · 15/12/2013 08:39

At our school there is the dd of a teacher in my dd's year.

The teacher's child is always winning prizes, getting best parts in play and dance show.

It's starting to get noticed but as it's primary school, does it really matter? It's not going to affect the really important exams results on ten years, is it?

winkywinkola · 15/12/2013 08:43

Eviltwins, of course there are going to be suggestions of nepotism. You have to be very naive to think there wouldn't be.

I bet there are many other equally talented children who could play the same part.

30ish · 15/12/2013 08:48

My DD is a pupil at my school. It's a great school but I feel that the staff have terribly high expectations because she is my child. The staff tell tales about things they wouldn't normally share with parents. Last week, one teacher actually said in the staff room that my DD should have had the lead in the Christmas play because she was really good but that they didn't choose her because she's my DD.

NewtRipley · 15/12/2013 09:00

Busylizzie/30 ish

Getting to hear more about DCs behaviour than the average parent would,is a real downside for you and your child, IMO. I've had to make it clear than i don't need to hear about anything during the school day unless it would be something that would be reported normally.

NewtRipley · 15/12/2013 09:01

Fortunately, the staff at my school are really professional.

NewtRipley · 15/12/2013 09:04

DoJo

That's interesting. I think one of my DC woulld agree with you. As I say, most staff are good about this. But I've had to set really strong boundaries with a few.

Jinsei · 15/12/2013 09:32

I've never seen any favouritism of this sort. Yes, children of staff do sometimes get good roles in plays etc, but it's always clear that they've got them on merit, and plenty of other kids get to have a go as well.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/12/2013 10:19

I worked in a school where a HoD's children always got the singing leads in the choir, plays etc.

Somebody complained so they stepped back, the next year many of the choirs usual venues where cancelled as the pupils refused to take the lead parts or sing solo's.

Sometimes the Teacher's/TA's/whatever kids get the parts because they are that good.

I would be more worried about those parents in school that protect their children to the point of bullying others or getting their child ostracised due to their actions.;

BlackDaisies · 15/12/2013 10:37

Sometimes it works a little the other way. We had a minor celebrity at the school I teach in. The children were invited to make pictures, the best of which would win a prize presented by the celebrity. My dd spent HOURS on hers. However I was later told she never stood a chance of winning any prize as they "weren't allowed to choose staff children".

EvilTwins · 15/12/2013 10:48

winky - I gave her the part. Are you suggesting I did so expecting some kind of reward from the chair of Govs? How insulting.

Philoslothy · 15/12/2013 10:56

We have quite a few staff with children at the school, they are not treated with any favouritism and if anything they tend to be treated a little tougher. I have four children of my own and a stepson and they have all or will all go through the school.

winkywinkola · 15/12/2013 10:59

Evil twins, you are clearly feeling very defensive about your decision to cast the chair of governor's daughter in the play's starring role.

Read carefully.

I said that of course there would be suggestions of nepotism, not that I suggested nepotism.

winkywinkola · 15/12/2013 11:00

But if I had been in your shoes, I would have found another equally talented child to play the part.

Just to avoid any issues of parents muttering.

Very easy to do.

Philoslothy · 15/12/2013 11:01

Teachers tend to be very involved their children education because we value education - why we are in the job. We also have school holidays in which to encourage interests. We may also be more likely to afford clubs and extra curricular activities.

One of mine loves to dance, because as a teacher I had the flexibility to ferry her around to dance classes in the evening and she has a natural talent - she starred in a dance show recently . Nothing to do withi favouritism,

I have also had children win academic prizes, again lucky enough to have been born a bit clever but quite a lot to do with environment of having a teacher as a Mum. Every evening I go through their books with them, they have a room just to do their homework in, each child has their own workstation. I know when exams and tests are, so can make sure they start revising well in advance. I know the homework timetable so they can never get away with - there was no homework Mum, honest.

Philoslothy · 15/12/2013 11:02

But why shouldn't the teacher's child get the part if they are genuinely the best person?

EvilTwins · 15/12/2013 11:06

So, winky, you would have refused to give the part to the girl who was most suited to it (and we're talking Les Miserables, not a Yr 2 nativity) on the grounds that she IS the chair of gov's daughter? Surely that's just as bad? She's very talented. One of the top 3 in the school (the other two are playing the other two main roles) As a drama teacher, I need to cast the best students, regardless of who their parents are.

cardibach · 15/12/2013 11:19

winky I direct school shows and for a part like Eponine you are fortunate to have one child who can play it well. How very ignorant and insulting of you.
I also have my DD in my (secondary) school. SHe is not unusual - several members of staff, teaching and non-teaching, have children in the school (including the Head). I don't see the issue. I am very surprised at all the 'reports' of nepotism here. Odd how many of them centre around lead parts in plays at this time of year when everyone wants their PFB to be a star Hmm Many have no other suggestions of supposed nepotism - do these teachers only favour their children in extra-curricular drama? Odd.