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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that having too many parents of pupils working in a school is not good?

111 replies

scottishbelle78 · 12/12/2013 11:27

These children may be discriminated against in a view of appearing fair or it may appear that these children get priority due to a parent being staff. The latter I feel happening in the school my 3dc attended.
Children of staff seem to have a disproportionate amount of leads in school plays
Get 1st dibs in 1st come 1st served afterschool cubs.
Get picked for special activities ie things with press involved.
School events are scheduled for their benefit.
Aibu and reading too much into this.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 12/12/2013 17:35

My sister was horrifically bullied at primary school by a boy whose mum was also the class teacher. It got so bad that we all ended up moving house so my sister could get a fresh start.

sykadelic15 · 12/12/2013 17:40

It shouldn't be allowed quite honestly.

At the teachers kids i knew were spoilt rotten. Always getting lead parts, most popular, did less work. If you were their friend you got special treatment as well.

whatever5 · 12/12/2013 17:43

I've noticed a significant amount of favouritism a dd's primary school, particularly for the children of teachers or school governers. I've been amazed that they are so obvious about it.

My youngest daughter doesn't even bother trying to "compete" for the lead part, place on the school council etc if the teacher's daughter in her class is going for it. She knows the teacher's daughter will always be favoured.

LittleBonnie · 12/12/2013 17:46

From what I have seen the main problem with parents working at the school is that it leads to a general lack of confidentiality. I live in a village and have had nights out which included PTA mums, TAs and mums that volunteer who gossiped openly about problem families and children with issues. This to me is more worrying than their children getting favoured in the school play (which they also do!)

poshme · 12/12/2013 17:50

My DH is a governor, and DS did have a big part in the school play 2 years ago. DH is still a governor, and DD hardly had a part this year. I'm 100% certain that DH being a governor had nothing to do with how they picked the parts for my children.

Pooka · 12/12/2013 17:56

I was a governor and my dcs got absolutely no special treatment whatsoever - quite rightly.

Have recently stopped being a governor. Am waiting with baited breath to see whether that means ds1 might finally be star of the week!

Pooka · 12/12/2013 18:01

That should have ended with a Wink

In truth, have found it very difficult to advocate for my own children because have been scrupulously worried that being a governor/chair might make a difference.

Original poster
scottishbelle78 · 12/12/2013 18:28

Tbf it is mainly classroom assts and lunchtime supervisors and office staff.

OP posts:
pinkcheese · 12/12/2013 19:52

At our secondary, the useless D+T teacher's 11 year old daughter was caught smoking weed.... maybe a bit more attention from him would have helped her Confused

lookdeepintotheparka · 12/12/2013 20:25

There are a lot of parents helping out doing what is basically TA jobs and lunchtime supervisors (unpaid) at our school. Problem is that small schools like ours have had big funding cuts and rely on volunteers more and more because they can't afford full time TA s so I can only see the issues getting worse.

I do feel uncomfortable about other parents knowing my DCs ability levels although I've never seen any favouritism in school plays etc.

CaterpillarCara · 12/12/2013 20:45

I work in a school where I know huge numbers of the children personally through clubs and whatever even though my children don't go there. So I may see my DD's tap dance buddies and my DS's rugby chums in class. The whole "other parents knowing my DCs ability levels" would be difficult to avoid unless I left the area really.

I think that it is fair to worry about unprofessional behaviour, but any more than that is too much to ask. What would you suggest of teachers in rural communities - that their children are shipped out of the area?

I have worked in my children's school and also been chair of the PTA there. They were never stars of anything. I now don't work there and am not on the PTA. They are still not stars of anything. Are you sure there is a causal relationship between the things you see?

ProfessorSong · 12/12/2013 20:58

It really does depend on the parents doesn't it. The headteacher's daughter is in my dd2's year and I've never seen her being a favourite for anything yet. There is also a TA's daughter in dd2's class, again she's hardly ever picked for anything. Yet in dd1's class there's a boy who's dad is the head of governors and he's picked first for bloody everything!

Squidwardtenticles · 12/12/2013 21:00

All the TA's at my dd's school are parents and the favouritism is awful. it shouldn't be allowed.

ThePinkOcelot · 12/12/2013 21:07

In our school (local primary) there are 5 mums who are teaching assistants - didn't see those jobs advertised! And 2 teachers have children in school. The children are actually in their classes. Shouldn't be allowed in my opinion.

Fairyliz · 12/12/2013 21:09

I work in a primary school where six members of staff are parents and I have never seen any favourtism.
However I do worry about confidentiality. Staff are friends with other mums and can easily let slip information about children on nights out etc. I have tried to persuade the Head not to appoint parents; but then we might run into equal opps problems.

CaterpillarCara · 12/12/2013 21:11

Again I ask, what would you suggest of teachers in rural communities, for example - that their children are shipped out of the area?

Or what if a parent is already working at the school then thinks that school is the best for their child. What process would you put in place?

It is all very well saying "shouldn't be allowed in my opinion" - but what rules / procedures do you suggest?

By all means, I agree that jobs should be advertised. But if a school parent happens to be the most qualified applicant, what then?

CaterpillarCara · 12/12/2013 21:19

But Fairyliz, I work in my local area (though not at my children's school). Quite often when I go to the local pub, I know nearly every person of "child-bearing age", so to speak, as their kids are at our school. Some are friends. I could get drunk and break confidentiality just as easily as any parent (though I would not as I am a professional). I really don't think you can put restrictions on employment like that.

I grew up in a small town. My GP's daughter was in my class. My MP's son was in my class. The teacher's kids were in the class next door. The local bank manager ran the PTA. Yes, I suspect that the GP knew about the MP's piles (hypothetically, I don't know if he had piles!!), and the bank manager knew about his credit card balance. The teacher knew the MP's children grades. That is life. If people abuse their knowledge and break confidentiality, it is wrong. But surely you should be demanding professionalism rather than trying to dictate the relationships of people who are employed.

busylizzie76 · 12/12/2013 21:38

My dd is at the school I teach at and she definitely doesn't get any favouritism....no big parts in plays and doesn't win anything....I don't speak to her at school unless she addresses me as Mrs busylizzie76 (she's 6).....I do hear too much about her naughtiness at times. It will probably get harder for us both as she gets older but it is a good private school and I get a reduction in fees which I see as a financial bonus of the job. It would really annoy me if there was favouritism of staff children.

OhTheDrama · 12/12/2013 21:46

In DD's school there is also a few of the teachers and TA's with kids in the school. The school is fairly strict about making sure that none of their kids end up being taught by their relatives. I don't really notice favouritism towards the staff' skids but I do notice favouritism towards the children of PTA and Governors which I think is a bit odd when you see the lengths they go to to make sure their staff don't do the same thing!

We have also had a confidentiality breach whereby a TA has disclosed to other mum's that my DD was on an IEP. Wasn't very happy but didn't want to cause a fuss, if it happens again though, I'll go ballistic!

BigBirthdayGloom · 12/12/2013 21:50

One of the teachers at dd's school has a son in his class. He had a lead in the play. He did it well. Should he not have had the lead because he's the teacher's son? There have been rumblings from other parents and they've obviously voiced their opinions in front of their dc because the son's had a hard time at school.

Canthaveitall · 12/12/2013 21:58

Yanbu. An acquaintance of mine is a TA in my sons class. It's most annoying to hear the comments she makes, the total lack of discretion about other children and mine as well as staff room goings on. I now know the teachers regularly slag the children off which made me quite sad. They are primary school kids and whilst they are not all angels I don't like to hear their teachers describing them as stupid.

Sadoldbag · 12/12/2013 22:00

It's a night mare I used to work at after school club

Which my son had to also attend and I actually treated more harshly looking back to avoid any accusations of favouritism.

Also I think if you have a child that is not well behaved it puts other staff in a awkward position I witnessed this in educating Essex were two daughters of a TA Were bullying a girl by text and I feel if they had not been related to a TA would of been out of there ear

I would never do it again work and take ds in with me that is

CaterpillarCara · 12/12/2013 22:05

Agree with you, Sadoldbag, I am delighted to be working in a different school from my children. But I just don't think you can prevent others from making that choice,

Sacking them / starting a disciplinary process for hideously unprofessional indiscretion on other hand (such as canhaviteall's example) - yes!

jamdonut · 12/12/2013 22:09

Oh dear. Feeling a bit embarrassed.

When I was doing my TA course , I was on placement in my sons's Year 2 class.(on a voluntary basis)

I made very,very sure that I treated him no different to any of the other children in the class. He understood that I was there to work ,and not just to look after him. Any problems, he was to tell the class teacher first and not me.
It worked very well.
My hardest moments (when I was subsequently employed by the school) were when he was in Year 5 and 6 and was picked on quite heavily by some boys in his year.(I wasn't his class TA by then), but it was hard to sometimes see and hear this and not be able to do anything about it directly. His teachers were on to it though.
I don't think it is unprofessional in any way, as long as you don't abuse the privelege.

jamdonut · 12/12/2013 22:10

oops - son's not sons's !