AIBU, to ask for help in writing a "strongly worded letter' to the school?

[Fleurdebleurgh]

Im not very good at being rational or calm when it comes to the treatment of my children, so im appealing to the MN jury for some help in writing a complaint to DC school.

Today, i went to collect DD (7) from school, after all the children had been 'released' to their parents by the teacher, DD was still nowhere to be seen.
The teacher and TA tell me they dont remember seeing DD and they begin to look for her. After about 5 mins they have found her, shes in the toilets and wont come out.

I go to the toilets and im greeted by a very tearful semi naked DD, and a pile of urine soaked clothes on the floor. Her coat, trousers, socks, shoes and knickers are cmpletely sodden and she is doing that sobbing kind of cry where your whole body shakes.
DD tells me she has been in the toilet since afternoon play time which finished ONE HOUR ago.
She had an accident and didnt want to leave the toilets in case her friends saw and took the mickey out of her.

I asked the teacher how she failed to notice DD has been missing for a whole hour and was told they dont do a registration after playtime and noone had noticed her absence.

MY problem with this is twofold. My child did not return from break an was unnaccounted for for one hour. My child was left in distress and embaressed for one hour with noone noticing.

The teacher said to DD that she was "very silly" and that she should have told someone so they could clean her up. This may be true but does not excuse the fact it went unnoticed.

I plan to meet with the head tomorrow after ive outlined my concerns in an email, could anyone advise as to what i should put in it?

(As a side issue, my 4yr old was allowed out to play twice today with no coat in freezing fog because noone could find it, but i found it left in the lunch hall when i went to collect him, with his name and class name printed on MASSIVE letters inside)

So sorry for your daughter Fleur, FWIW I think that this is a health & safety issue + a PSHE issue, both are damaging to your DD.
Write the email, go see the head in a calm, fact-based manner. I don't know why people think that, "going ballistic," at the head will get them further. Anyone who goes ballistic has lost their argument before they start. This might be a T that the HT is already having issues with so you might find the HT on side - if you are calm but firm.
I think that going to the head is stage 1 of the complaints procedure. If the HT doesn't address your concerns: a written reply involving changes of procedure with that T & her class, then write a formal complaint to the Chair of Governors and arrange a meeting. Again, remain calm & as an earlier poster said, keep a timeline of events.
Please keep us informed of your progress Fleur, this is a terrible thing to have happened & an unacceptable way for a T & 2TA's to run their class.

I think TeenAndTween and Sootikins on p2 nail it for me. This,
I did all of the above, that I've told you to do, and by the end of it DD's teacher was basically kissing my feet in apology and the HT almost flinched whenever I was at school for the rest of the term.
is not the outcome I'd be after.

Glad to hear your daughter's in a happier place today!

What do you mean by "PSHE issue"?

I recieved an email from the head late last night (10pm ish!) saying that she was 'shocked and appalled' that this could happen at the school. She was more than apologetic and told me that she had already instigated a 'Safeguarding incident report form'. She stated that my daughters teacher was hugely upset at what had happened and requested that i meet with her this morning

At the meeting she was massivley concerned about DD and spent a good portion checking that she was okay to attend school today and was happy in returning to her class.
She showed me the report in which she had written there will be a change in procedure and the school will now do a register upon return to classroom when leaving for any reason at all.

She said she had spoken with numerous members of staff about the incident, and the Health and Safety spokesperson and all had been horrified that this could have occured. She said she had never heard of such an incident occuring and unfortunatley it has taken this to happen for them to realise procedures could be much improved.

She will send the report to both the H&S and CP officer and the governers who will then contact me in time to see if i am happy with the outcome.

I was pleased that she seemed genuinley upset and concerned. She knows DD has some issues socially and said "It would be awful for this to happen to any child, but moreso for DD, im so sorry we have let both her and yourself down hugely and you have my word that things will change in light of this incident"

Overall im pretty happy with the result. I just hpe it is actioned promptly. Thanks for al the advice.

Sounds like a great outcome.

Sounds like a great head, good on her for responding so quickly.

Did you write to her first, or had she heard about the incident from the class teacher?

That's a great outcome :)

Fantastic response by the HT

Hope your dd is ok today.

I'm really glad school are taking it seriously.

You would think a teacher would at least sit everyone in their places after break and glance round for late comers before starting the afternoon activity.

I do accept you might lose a DC in all the Christmas tearing about, Y5/6 have had the run of the building when I've been helping with special art days, But even they are all in their places to start the afternoon (no pm. break)

Thats a really good outcome, glad the head teacher has taken it as seriously as she should.

I would be so annoyed and very upset. My ds class have two toilet passes that are stuck on the classroom door with Velcro (one for boys and one for girls), they have to take one when they go to the toilet. It means only two children can leave the classroom for the bathroom allowing the teacher to keep track of who is in the toilet.

Soglad they took it seriously.

Great news! Teachers that respond quickly and humanly to incidents like this are great teachers :)

Shocking. You need to complain and stick to the key issue, missing for over an hour.
I know teachers feel under the cosh at the moment and they do have my sympathy but recently similar happened to DN 4 and in first term at school and when DSis went to collect from after school club she'd been missing for 30 mins. And in the following 15 mins it took to search school , grounds, park opposite no one thought to put the missing child plan into action or call the police. It wasn't until full police child missing alert and several police squad cars arrived at school that TA on duty began to tell the truth about how she'd let DN out of school through side playground usually reserved for the upper years and that although she had wondered why DN was still there 20 mins later just talking to an old lady sitting on a bench she had not thought to check DN was ok before noting that next time she passed the window ( having left 4 yo out in the cold and dark bear in mind this approx 5.30 in winter ) DN had disappeared along with this old lady.
Without going further into detail DN is safe and was located about an hour later luckily the old lady was well meaning and thought she was being helpful but the school seemed more concerned with shifting blame than looking at where the policy or systems had failed, even as the police were trying to piece together those vital moments and descriptions their emphasis was on DN being only 4 year old in after school club implying DSis was I putting her work before welfare & then blaming DN who should have told TA she's not allowed out of that door etc. DSis was so distraught ( demented tbh and though I don't blame her she handled it poorly and emotionally ). So advice is keep the emotion out of it. Start with the failure to notice DD missing and then address anything else separately. At the very least you should see a letter outlining how the incident occurred and what has been put in place to ensure it doesn't happen again.
It's a shame but with this blame & shame & sack and pillory culture that's evolved in the country people are too scared to hold their hands up to mistakes. And lessons therefore don't get learned.

Thank you for the update OP - a great outcome, not just for you but in terms of safeguarding proceedures at the school in future. So pleasing to hear of heads and class room teachers who respond positively to someone raising concerns in areasonable way, rather than definisively or dismissively.