AIBU, to ask for help in writing a "strongly worded letter' to the school?

[Fleurdebleurgh]

Im not very good at being rational or calm when it comes to the treatment of my children, so im appealing to the MN jury for some help in writing a complaint to DC school.

Today, i went to collect DD (7) from school, after all the children had been 'released' to their parents by the teacher, DD was still nowhere to be seen.
The teacher and TA tell me they dont remember seeing DD and they begin to look for her. After about 5 mins they have found her, shes in the toilets and wont come out.

I go to the toilets and im greeted by a very tearful semi naked DD, and a pile of urine soaked clothes on the floor. Her coat, trousers, socks, shoes and knickers are cmpletely sodden and she is doing that sobbing kind of cry where your whole body shakes.
DD tells me she has been in the toilet since afternoon play time which finished ONE HOUR ago.
She had an accident and didnt want to leave the toilets in case her friends saw and took the mickey out of her.

I asked the teacher how she failed to notice DD has been missing for a whole hour and was told they dont do a registration after playtime and noone had noticed her absence.

MY problem with this is twofold. My child did not return from break an was unnaccounted for for one hour. My child was left in distress and embaressed for one hour with noone noticing.

The teacher said to DD that she was "very silly" and that she should have told someone so they could clean her up. This may be true but does not excuse the fact it went unnoticed.

I plan to meet with the head tomorrow after ive outlined my concerns in an email, could anyone advise as to what i should put in it?

(As a side issue, my 4yr old was allowed out to play twice today with no coat in freezing fog because noone could find it, but i found it left in the lunch hall when i went to collect him, with his name and class name printed on MASSIVE letters inside)

Go though the school's complaints procedure but make sure you give a deadline for a response in your letter at each sage (if it sadly has to go further).

Making suggestions for the outcome, eg a change in policy as suggested earlier, may help.

okay, each STAGE, not each sage.

Ex infant teacher here. What happened is unacceptable and shocking - they should be checking everyone is back from afternoon play. It's basic safeguarding FFS! Strongly worded letter indeed.

I would be beyond furious. Hope you DD is ok now

Dear Mr Headteacher,

I am writing with regards to an incident which occured in school yesterday afternoon . My daughter, insert name, who is in class insert here, was not present in the classroom (or is it playground/line?) at pick up time at the end of the day. Both Mrs insert names told me that they did not remember seeing her and proceeded to look for her. She was found shortly afterwards in the toilets, and when I went to see her she was standing semi dressed in wet clothing, after having had an accident. She was visibly distressed and told me that she had been in the toilets since afternoon playtime. As far as I am aware, the afternoon playtime is an hour before pick up time. This raises a concern for the safeguarding of my child, whose absence was unnoticed by both members of staff for a considerable period of time.
Mrs insert name's resonse to my child was that she was a 'silly girl' for not having told anybody about her accident.
I find it unnaceptable to blame a child for being unable to speak about what was clearly an embarassing and uncomfortable situation for her; and what I find particularly worrying is the teacher's lack of accountability for not having noticed that my child was not there at the end of playtime.

In addition to today's incident, I would also like to express my concern about the fact the my son who is in class .... has played outside without a coat during both playtimes today and it appears that no effort was made to look for it, as I found it myself, clearly labelled, in the school hall at the end of the day. It seems irresponsible to allow a young child to play outdoors without proper protection from cold weather, particularly when I have ensured that he goes to school dressed in the appropriate clothing for this time of year.

I would like to meet with you in person to discuss the issues I have raised in this email.
Kind regards,
fleurdebleurgh

erm kind regards what was i thinking?

Mention safeguarding and child protection issues.

Bloody shocking. They don't need to do a register but should spot a missing child.
Being upset and humiliated and fearful people will see her in urine soaked clothes/semi dressed is NOT silly. Poor child needed comfort instead of being made to be more distressed.
Poor kid.

Thanks for all the input guys. I have emailed the head a basic letter outlining my concerns ahead of a meeting tomorrow morning.

A friend told me i should be complaining from a procedure/CP angle rather than a personal/emotional one as they are more likely to respond with a solution.

I know from personal experience as a Scout leader that when other peoples children are in my care i headcount almost religiously. I hope they will implement a register/clocking in book to save another child the distress suffered by DD today.

She doesnt seem too bothered about it now, she has just written a beautiful christmas card to both her teacher and TA! I silently seethed.

so sorry for your poor dd but also scary to hear that some of the teachers can see how this happened.
I help out in school a bit and they don't do a head count after playtimes which really would be the sensible thing to do, could also see how this might potentially happen - not making excuses.
Definately the system needs changing, pretty stupid comment to make about being your DD silly though

OP, First I'. really glad that dd is feeling better now and hasn't got hung up over it. I think going for the procedural angle is also helpful as it is about inputs, outputs and practicality - leave it to the head to bollock teachers. I shocked this has happened, and I'm glad you are trying to keep calm and find resolutions!

I'm a teacher and paranoid about losing a child. My students very rarely sit at their desks, except for morning register, and after each break, so I can eyeball them to make sure everyone is there. The teachers on playground duty each day also sweep the playground and toilets at the end of each break to make sure there are no stragglers. It's not really that hard despite the fact that it can be like herding cats sometimes to get everyone in from break.

Agree it's not that hard. When you get to know a class you can tell if it's not full without counting (although I still do). Write the magic number on your hand after register, its that simple!

Dear OP
I am shocked that this could have happened in your daughter's school. What happened was bad enough, but what if she had been ill, injured or abducted and no-one noticed for an hour? You need to pursue this through the official complaints procedure and make sure that procedures are reviewed so that this can't happen again.

However, I am even more shocked that there are teachers of young children replying on this thread that it could have happened in their class too. Have you never heard of "duty of care" and "in loco parentis". What on earth could be more important in your class than making sure that you know that all your pupils are safe? You are being trusted to look after our children when we are not there to look after them, and I would politely like to suggest that you get a grip, pronto... Honestly, I am appalled. Talk about not seeing the wood for the trees.

Sweet Jesus. Your poor dd, I'm appalled.

Ok, so how much have you written? Shove a draft on. We can help edit.

Address to HT
CC governors
Any vicar included?
Any dept head at council?
Any local mp?

By calm I'd aim for kaiser soze eerie fury not anything less!

Kevin spacey incase you think my phones up spout. Or the one that belts the blokes ankles in that Stephen king film. You want "blood freezing" calm rather than "guide camp leader" calm.

I cannot believe that she was missing for an hour. I am in secondary where it is much harder to keep track of children's movements but I always ask the children if someone doesn't arrive (and put alerts out if necessary). Presumably in primary it would be the same room, same teacher, same seating plan so someone should have noticed.

I'm unsure how I feel about the use of the word 'silly' as in my training we were told to say something was a silly thing to do, rather than a stupid thing to do and a lot would depend on how it was said. On a guide camp a few years ago a girl wet the bed and didn't tell us. On discovering it, I told her she was silly for not telling us (I made sure she knew I didn't think she was silly for wetting the bed) and that I felt sad that she thought we'd be angry at her. It was dealt with very sensitively and I don't think use of the word silly was wrong in that situation.

As a teacher myself surely you'd notice the empty chair? My primary concern would child could slip on a wet toilet floor an lie there for an hour. If this was my school I'd review current practice to ensure this never happened again, little things like head count after transitions or stirring names on the corner of the boar of those who leave the room would prevent this. I know when I'm in class I'm always chasing up missing kids, those who went to a music lesson at break, still in first aid after break, popped out without asking....

As a supply teacher, I have nightmares that I might not notice a child is missing. But I always ask the class and the TA if everyone is here. Your dd's own class teacher not noticing is unforgivable - a clear safeguarding issue. Poor girl.

Don't Ofsted have a function where you can report concerns about safeguarding at a school? I think if you are unsatisfied with the response from the HT or governors that's the next step.

That's if you really really want the shit to hit the fan.

I'd be livid too. Good on you for calling the teacher on it then and there.

Poor you and your poor DD.

I am a teacher and whereas I have 'missed' a child coming in from playground (especially when there has been a problem to sort out!), it usually has been no more than 10 minutes! Everyone in my class has their 'place' on the carpet and you can spot when someone is missing.
I am also confused as to why her friends didn't ask about her whereabouts.
You are correct to be cross and to have a meeting with the HT as this has obviously highlighted serious security issues that innocently may not have been forseen. Sadly it takes an incident to occur before even the best of people realise the problems.
I can tell you that if the teacher is a decent person, she/he WILL be feeling incredibly guilty and will be asking herself/himself questions about how this could have ocurred and will be ensuring it doesn't happen again.
(Not that I am defending the teacher, but as one with a class of very active 30, 6 & 7 year olds and no afternoon TA, afternoons can be vey, very stressful!!!)

Surely some one would have used the toilets during that hour. Could your daughter have not called to them and asked them to fetch the teacher.This was a horrid incident for her but at 7 she does need to learn how to help herself.

I think it's more important the adults take a life lesson here. The child has only herself to worry about. I expect she thought someone would come. The adults, words fail.

I'd be raging! Absolutely no excuse whatsoever and its very concerning that teachers can 'see how this could happen' - WTH?? You're in charge of the safety and wellbeing of other people's children - it is not acceptable to not notice when they are missing. I can see why teachers get such abuse directed at them when things like this come out. I'm a teacher - I can say, without a doubt, that I know where every one of my students are at any time when I am supposed to be in charge of them. Part of the Duty of Care is to continue to protect them during stressful situations (fires, accidents, medical emergencies) so even if it was a stressful or eventful afternoon it is not an excuse. Inform school tomorrow that you are taking this further and make sure that you do.

I'd be inclined to be more sympathetic to the teacher but her reaction suggests that she doesn't see how utterly neglectful she has been, she then ridiculed a child who was already in a distressed state. It was her fault, even if she didn't want to discuss it in front of your DD she shouldn't have said anything other than checking if your DD was ok and, ideally, the word 'sorry'.

I wouldn't be letting this one go in a million years, its the kind of feeling you hope your child will never feel without you there to comfort them.

I am delurking because I think this is absolutely disgraceful on the part of the school - both your poor daughter's deeply upsetting accident, and your son's playing outside with no coat. Other posters have suggested very appropriate letters.