To think that people should come up with their own gift ideas?

[nostress]

Happens every year that the family ask what do the kids/me/husband want for Christmas? I just think can they not think for themselves or at least come up with ideas and ask if suitable? Isn't that the point to be thoughtful and kind of show how much they know/understand/love you. At the minute it feels like a credit. Just received an email from FIL with a list of CDs he wants for xmas and also asking what we want. Matching budget etc. Really I could just go and buy myself the stuff and cut out the middle man. What also gets on my tits is that FIL also sends packages direct to me for wrapping. He only lives a mile away and is retired and is perfectly able to wrap. Last year he sent my gift to me (addressed to me not to my husband) I opened the box thinking it was something I bought but no it was my gift (that I had chosen). So basically he sent the gift to me to wrap myself for myself. Hes not the only one either.

My dad was asking what I wanted. So I said you know what I like why don't you choose it. He said "No, If you don't tell me what you want I wont get anything". Aka I cant be arsed to think about it just send me an email with a link and Ill buy that.

My kids have basically said they don't want to write lists as they like surprises and they don't want anything in particular. So I've basically got to choose gifts for the entire family from everyone.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH internet shopping fatigue... SORRY.

The only person I know who DOESN'T ask always sends something that DD already has - I wish she'd ask one year as it's a waste of her money.

I would tell them to ask the kids and DH what they want, instead of asking you.

No more advice sorry, but your post reminded me of something my FIL does. He'd say, "What are you getting DD1 for Christmas?" I'd tell him what I'd bought or decided to get, and he'd say, "Right give it to me, we'll give them that" and then there would be a sort of stand off where I wanted to tell him that I was giving them that etc. but it got quite awkward. The other thing he would do was tell the kids 'accidentally' what they were having and spoil the surprise. I've learnt my lesson now, I keep quiet about what we're getting them!

Totally with you on this. Just how difficult is it to buy a thoughtful gift for someone you know reasonably well?! I find that i always make quite a considerable effort for others only for them to ask me this very question. And i am absolutley NOT the type of person to say "well as a matter of fact, i woudl like you to get me such and such...".

I also have been very irritated by dh family sending us boxed, unwrapped gifts from Amazon and the like. Especially when i take the time to wrap their children's presents.

I'd rather give people something they want or need, so I'm in the 'ask' camp. Sorry.

My mil starts asking us for lists from around September time. I hate it.
If we aren't forthcoming enough she'll sit me down with a catalogue and make me circle stuff.

She never gives us a list, ever.

Yes. Thanks. I hate this.

I bought a toy that my son put on his Santa list and had it sent to my dad (in the US) with his agreement that he would send it here. Now, my dad is clearly making overtures towards this being HIS gift.

I am fielding emails about presents daily. Argh.

It's absolutely impossible to buy me and my hubby gifts as of we want anything, we'll buy it for ourselves. We also don't do things that don't have a use and anything that isn't used gets binned. We go along the lines of asking the family to concentrate on DD and saying if they really wang to do something for us, donate to a charity in our names instead.

My dad and stepmum do this. It's pissed me off enough this year that I have told them I do not have the time or inclination to give them lists for all the family. It is just too much pressure when I have enough pressures with work, study and family already. I would rather have a generic box of chocolates or bottle of wine, if they feel they don't know us well enough to choose something themselves (FFS).

Needless to say this has NOT gone down well, but I DO NOT CARE. It is very liberating saying no. I think I may do it more often in future.

What is the worst that can happen if you a) end up with a gift you don't like or b) already have. You send it back/exchange it for something you do need and don't have! Its not wasted! Most places you can return Xmas gifts til the end of January..

Glad I'm not alone :)

Completely agree with you.

The whole point in getting presents is the thought that goes into them.

Although I'd prefer people ask for the kids as I know what they have/want/need/have room for!!

YANBU!

My MIL tells us to send a list of CDs and books we want. It's nice of her, but I can't think of any CDs and books I want and I don't like putting things down for the sake of it.
My mum does the same - from October or so "What do you want for Christmas?"
"WHAT do you WANT for CHRISTMAS?"
And finally..."WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS???? TELL ME OR YOU WON'T GET ANYTHING!!!!"

I don't know! I don't want "stuff". I would say just give it to charity, but they wouldn't, and they already think I'm a smug twat because I put a fiver in the collection tin for the Philippines

The worst that can happen is that my family are badly off and will have wasted their money. They are also very sweet and would be embarrassed to get things we don't like.

Last year, my dad and my step mum bought my mum a horrendous kitsch 3D pic of a kitten because my mum likes cats. I'd been shown it well before Xmas and told then she wouldn't like it and would just be polite and say she did. They declined to change their minds and I broke all the rules by warning my mum to practice her gift receiving face beforehand. They gave her the gift, she gave them her practiced gift receiving face, my dad then said that T said you wouldn't like it to which my mum diplomatically replied it was very kitsch. My dad bought the subject up to me a few weeks later saying, I told you she'd like it to which I answered that she was being polite and it will never be hung on the wall. To think they'd been married for 23 years, he doesn't have a clue and this certainly explains why she left him!

Trouble is, my dad is retired, the gift was bought well in advance when they'd been away for a weekend and they'd spent money on tat with the best of intentions.

My DM drives me mad when she asks me to order the suggestions online 'as I'm rubbish with computers darling'
So I suggest, then order and pay with my cc. They go direct to her to wrap and the glory. She gives me the cash of course but then of course I spend it and end up with a huge bill in Jan.
It's harmless, just a bit annoying that it happens all the time.

I love buying presents for others and putting thought into it all but it annoys me when people ask me what I want. I know they want to get me something I will like but it makes me wonder if they have no idea who I am if they don't know what kind of things I like etc.

What do I want for Christmas? I want you to take five minutes and think about what I might like for Christmas and buy that...

Its not like I'm difficult to buy for... things I like:
Candles, chocolate (cadburys), wine or any booze in fact, handbags, woolly hats, gloves, dogs, sewing, home preserving, baking, drinking tea, watching dvds, bed socks, clothes, gardening, shabby chic, cushions, tea light holders, anything purple, watching cricket, going to the theatre, going to the cinema, eating out, cycling, skiing...

Thing(s) I don't like: perfume (but everybody knows this as I don't even wear deodorant)..lol.

nostress that's a genius idea.

Next time I will simply email on over a list of "Here are things I like as you well know because you gave birth to me ".

Someone will be along shortly to tell us we're entitled and grabby. Because that's how MN rolls.

I love it when people spontaneously come up with something that suits me but if they are stuck and ask for pointers I don't mind suggesting things to make sure I get something I will use. I've asked for mostly practical presents this year, driving lessons, a chicken keeping course and a bread maker because I want to be more self sufficient, sports clothes because I want to get fit in the New Year. People would have been unlikely to get some of these things unless I asked because it could have been taken the wrong way!

Oh this drives me daft. I'm not so fussed about presents for me as I can usually reel off a list of stuff I like but I seem to come up with all the present ideas for everyone else in the family to buy For pil to buy the dc, for us to buy the dc, for my parents to buy the dc, for bil to buy the dc, what pil can buy dh, what my parents can buy dh, what bil can buy etc etc etc Every conceivable permutation seems to be down to me

I agree, especially with the 'credit' notion. People might as well just bloody trade ten pound notes, that's about as much thought that gets put into stuff.

'I want X or Y or Z.'
'Well, tough shit. I bought/ made you this after I took ages trying to find something thoughtful and from the heart.'

the couple of times that family have gone off list, it's been a disaster. Toys that are too big -I always left the big toys at the grandparents for the couple of times a year we visit, as we have a very small house and yard. Or really expensive toys which the boys have no interest in! But the packaging was always opened on the day by the giver and so we weren't able to give them back.

I'm dreading this year as bil has bought a surprise for my teens with limited interests but it might be in revenge for the large boxes of zhu zhu pets I bought their daughters

I did suggest to our family that we all stood in a circle and passed a £10 note around, saying "Merry Christmas" and "Oh how lovely! Thank you very much!" as the money went around. Didn't go down too well.

I think YABVU!

You might think you are easy to buy for because you know what you like. Are you relly so sure that the rest of your family are familiar with that list? And what is the good of saying that you like "watching DVDs" if they don't know what yu have already got?

And while you might think that your gifts to them are well-chosen do you really know that they open them on Christmas morning and think "How lovely" rather than just "Oh".

If I have a good idea for someone in my family that I am sure they will like then I do like to surprise them. And I do put a lot of effort in trying to find something I think they will be pleased with. But failing that we ask what they would like and they do the same for us.

Also when children hit teenage and early 20s it is no longer very easy to know what to get them without some input from them or their parents - especially if you don't see them very often. I would rather spend £30 on something I know they will like and watch/read/wear then take a punt on something that is then wasted or exchanged.

I am with you on the wrapping though. Very lazy of people not to do that themselves.

I really hate this - my DM insists that I give her a list of "multiple items so it's still a surprise" and then refuses to do the same back for me - despite her birthday being 2 days after Christmas!

For my birthday this year a few people went totally out of the ordinary and bought me stuff I'd NEVER consider asking for and I loved it all - they were so thoughtful but lists of presents just feels like a cop out.

We are very much a list family and almost never go 'off-list'

None of us are into trinkets, candles, smellies etc and would hate for people to waste their money buying such things.

I would also be guilty if the recipient had to go and change the gift - why should they be put to the trouble when a list could have resulted in a much wanted item the first time.

YABU Christmas presents are one of the most successful ways of wasting money the world over - few presents are valued as much by the recipient as the giver, so if you hate wasting money, getting something you know the recipient wants is a good way to stop wasting money.