To think that people should come up with their own gift ideas?

[nostress]

Happens every year that the family ask what do the kids/me/husband want for Christmas? I just think can they not think for themselves or at least come up with ideas and ask if suitable? Isn't that the point to be thoughtful and kind of show how much they know/understand/love you. At the minute it feels like a credit. Just received an email from FIL with a list of CDs he wants for xmas and also asking what we want. Matching budget etc. Really I could just go and buy myself the stuff and cut out the middle man. What also gets on my tits is that FIL also sends packages direct to me for wrapping. He only lives a mile away and is retired and is perfectly able to wrap. Last year he sent my gift to me (addressed to me not to my husband) I opened the box thinking it was something I bought but no it was my gift (that I had chosen). So basically he sent the gift to me to wrap myself for myself. Hes not the only one either.

My dad was asking what I wanted. So I said you know what I like why don't you choose it. He said "No, If you don't tell me what you want I wont get anything". Aka I cant be arsed to think about it just send me an email with a link and Ill buy that.

My kids have basically said they don't want to write lists as they like surprises and they don't want anything in particular. So I've basically got to choose gifts for the entire family from everyone.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH internet shopping fatigue... SORRY.

My DS has just said 'surprise me!' But it is very difficult, I haven't seen him for 8 months so I really don't know what he already has or what he needs. I prefer a list.

I hate waste. unfortunately what someone else thinks I will like, may or may not be to my tastes, so may well end up in the bin or at the charity shop. We are on a smallish budget and I don't want my money to be wasted on something that won't be liked so we ask for ideas.

My sil, she asked for a purse, I've got her one (put the gift receipt in it, just in case), she has only asked us, so won't get three. Job well done. If she hadn't given us an idea she would have ended up with bubble bath or similar but I have no idea what brands she likes, her favourite scents etc, so more than likely she would have been disappointed with her gift.

My aunt insists on buying surprises for the dc. Last year we got two exact duplicates of stuff we already had and one very similar thing to something we have, so a huge waste. Although who ever purchased them from the charity shop after we donated them no doubt got a bargain. Unfortunately, my children haven't perfected their gracious receiving faces and it was a bit embarrassing. However, she hasn't asked for ideas this year and apparently has their gifts waiting for them. Dc are slightly older this year, so maybe they won't be so obvious if their gift is unsuitable for whatever reason.

My in laws do this 'I can't use computers' thing. They want to know what to buy, they want me to buy it, they have it delivered to their house. I have no idea what budget they have in mind and so I find this a bit tricky.

When this game began, they used to supply me with a cheque to cover the cost. I was presumably supposed to make a special trip to the bank in the town centre to deposit it. I never, ever go to the bank and in fact rarely go to the town centre. They are retired FFS!

I've concluded that it will never change and its not worth me getting upset about. I never, ever tell them what I have in mind for the children because they will pinch the idea. FIL absolves all responsibility for Christmas to MIL and I sympathise with that but then she ought to have pulled him up on it years ago.

If I'm honest, the one thing my children want from my in-laws is their time, and yet this is the one thing they seem reluctant to give. I have suggested DH mention it next time the gift ideas conversation crops up. He did mention it, but in a sort of jokey way and I think you have to be a bit more direct with my in laws.

And aargh there's this other thing that a friend does......we don't give Xmas presents and then every few years she will randomly ask what my kids want for Xmas, saying 'I'm out shopping right now' and I'll think 'no!! We don't exchange gifts!' But because she's 'out right now' I feel a bit mean spirited so I suggest a myriad of ideas and she promptly buys them a present.

This leaves me needing a present for her kids, both of whom have practically every toy known to humanity (which is the main reason I don't like buying for them, I am bound to get something they already have, and whatever I buy will be discarded in a big pile). So I ask her for ideas and she ignores me.

This has happened this year. I have sent two or three texts now asking for ideas and they have been ignored. Meanwhile she has nice presents for my kids, something they will really enjoy!

Aaaaaargh I think this is really unreasonable!

There are lots of ways to making sure you give the right gifts to children (or others)

• ask the parents if they've got a list/suggestions,
• tell the parents you were thinking of x and would that be suitable?
• tell the parents you would like to support the child's interest in x and could they suggest anything?
• get to know the child you buy for and find out what they like or at least get a rough idea of their interests
• give vouchers

What is unacceptable is

• giving no thought whatsover to the gift
• buying something random and unsuitable and expecting everyone to be grateful
• calling up the parents/recipient and demanding to be told what to get, - - asking for advice then ignoring it
• being all passive-aggressive about it.
• being arsey about it.

In general, I hate anything which is basically all about bigging up the giver and doesn't take into account the needs of the child and the wishes of the parents. It doesn't help a child to grow up spoiled or somehow feeling that the gift isn't really about them at all.