Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To expect that if you're a single person out with a couple, that every person buys a round of drinks?

115 replies

pimplywrinkle · 11/12/2013 08:20

...instead of the couple acting as a joint turn together. This couple live together and pool their budget/money and so I expect they think the cost of a turn comes out of a single bank account. Just seems a little unfair really when I just have the one wage and am buying the same number of drinks in a round

OP posts:

flipchart · 11/12/2013 10:50

I never knew there was so much angst about going out for a drink with mates!!!

flipchart · 11/12/2013 10:53

Maybe someone after a few drinks would think I was skipping my round?
I would imagine that after a few drinks and they wasn't putting their hand in their pocket more frequently than they should they probably wouldn't notice.

I wouldn't give two hoots anyway what they thought because I never go to the bar when I'm out with DH and haven't done in 24 years! ( I never take money out with me either when I'm with him)

SaidFlorence · 11/12/2013 10:58

Usually when I go out, drinkers put, say, £10 per person in the kitty, and non drinkers £5. Then it isn't a question of people buying rounds. Everyone regardless of whether in a couple or not contributes.

FruOla · 11/12/2013 11:00

Even Debrett's has something to say on the matter

"If a group of you are drinking together it is usual for people to take it in turns to buy a round. Don't opt out of rounds, or hang back; you shouldn't have to be asked."

cloggal · 11/12/2013 11:03

I wouldn't give two hoots anyway what they thought because I never go to the bar when I'm out with DH and haven't done in 24 years! ( I never take money out with me either when I'm with him)

Me neither flip. I always make sure he gets 'my round' before anyone is nursing an empty glass - big elbow to the ribs does the trick :)

flipchart · 11/12/2013 11:05

The trouble with people saying they are having soft drinks and therefore shouldn't be paying as much is a bit of a tricky one to be honest..

On my works do last night I put a pint of lager and a pint of lime with soda. It came to £5,20. When I questioned it the soft drink was the same price as the lager, £2.60 each.

However I have been on nights round Manchester where the soft drinks are free and in other places buy one soft drink get the next one free.
So something else to put in the mix!

Financeprincess · 11/12/2013 11:07

When I go out with the girls, we have a kitty. It works well.

Kitties have to be deployed carefully in some company though...I've been with groups, usually work colleagues, where some people ask for mega expensive drinks straight away, so that they can get as much as possible out of the kitty before it's used up. Then everybody else joins in (why have a gin and tonic when somebody else is having a £9 mojito?) and it turns into a kitty arms race!!

FruOla · 11/12/2013 11:10

I agree flip. One friend doesn't drink alcohol in January, so usually has a very large tomato juice or a very large Coke. He says that each cost not far off the same cost as his usual pint of cider!

But we all stopped doing rounds years ago!

notallytuts · 11/12/2013 11:16

Because the cost of the round should be the same for everyone. It's about reciprocating equally and fairly - each time.

Say the round consists of a glass of wine, a pint of beer, a pint of cider and a G&T - those drinks all cost different amounts, but their sum total each time is the same. If you drop out your gin and just buy yourself a tonic, your round costs you less - so essentially you're taking advantage of everyone else buying your gin.

But you have reciprocated fairly you have bought everyone drinks to the same value that everyone else has bought for you. Yes your round cost you less money, but not at the expense of anyone else - as you are having less alcohol.

FruOla · 11/12/2013 11:24

I get your logic notally. But it's one of those peculiarities of pub/round buying etiquette!

hardboiledpossum · 11/12/2013 11:27

I don't think there is anything wrong with buying a cheaper drink for yourself. you are still spending the same on them.

hardboiledpossum · 11/12/2013 11:32

if I go out for cocktails with 3 friends at £9 each and soft drinks are £2 are people really saying that if I can't afford 27 each round but could stretch to 20, It is fairer that I just have a soft drink in every round?

KatnipEvergreen · 11/12/2013 11:33

FFS, you don't have to buy an alcoholic drink for yourself every time. As long as you are getting a round in, you can choose what drink you have!

If I have a couple of glasses of red wine, I might have a Coke next. It's not being tight, it's called "Not falling asleep on the table and drooling by 9pm" and "Not feeling completely shit the next day".

As long as you are buying others what they want it's fine!

KatnipEvergreen · 11/12/2013 11:35

Usually it's best to just have a kitty.

niceguy2 · 11/12/2013 11:56

I never knew there was so much angst about going out for a drink with mates!!!

This!

Topaz25 · 11/12/2013 11:59

Technically you're right but I think the various rules of rounds just lead to tension and it's easier for everyone to buy their own drinks. I don't do rounds because I don't drink so it would obviously be cheaper for someone to buy me a glass of pop than it would be for me to buy their alcohol. My group of friends generally don't do rounds, we just buy our own. It means everyone gets to drink at their own pace and if someone's a bit skint they can come out and enjoy our company and just have one drink without worrying about keeping up with rounds.

ShinyBauble · 11/12/2013 12:08

Something that annoys me more than this is present giving. I am the only singleton in my family, with five married siblings. I give them each an individual birthday present every year, but only get five back, one from each couple. I think it's very unfair!

Topaz25 · 11/12/2013 12:39

Oh dear, DH and I do tend to buy presents as a couple TBH DH sometimes forgets so it normally falls to me. We tend to get a bigger present than we would individually though. For example, a friend might give us a small bath set each, whereas we would give them a bigger one from both of us. So I think we spend roughly the same as they do on our presents IYSWIM. Is that not OK? No one has ever complained We also tend to receive only one gift from other couples.

ShinyBauble · 11/12/2013 13:49

See, I don't get bigger gifts. For one couple I bought her a £20 Next giftcard and him an expensive book, and got a tenner in a card from both of them for mine. It may actually be the lack of thought that pisses me off more...

Topaz25 · 11/12/2013 13:53

That's a good point, that does seem unfair. Maybe spend less on them or buy them something they can share and drop a few hints for what you would like.

CaterpillarCara · 11/12/2013 13:54

I hate going to the bar, have a peculiar knack of being ignored for hours. Would always send DH in my stead though.

glasgowsteven · 11/12/2013 15:52

"""""God yes, of course it is rude to buy yourself a cheaper drink but quite happily have a shot in it when someone else is paying.

I really don't care when I'm in a round what people get as long as they are consistent and don't pull that stunt.
""""

I dont drink and dont go to pubs much anyway any more,

but surely if the others in the round are getting the drinks they ask for, it does not matter what you drink,

the converse also works, if you want an expensive malt whisky, buy during your own turn at the bar, not anyone else

Better rounds than a kitty!

Pinupgirl · 11/12/2013 16:01

I can't abide people who wont take their turn at buying a round. I have a couple of friends like this who will never offer to buy the first drink and always hang back when it comes to their turn-I just come out now and say "oi its your round and I want a large vino!"

Tightness is one of my pet hates though. In large groups we usually just do a kitty anyway.

IsawJimmykissingSantaClaus · 11/12/2013 16:15

It's not rude at all to buy yourself a cheaper drink when it's your round. Everyone has the opportunity to do the same when it's their round.

mrsyattering · 11/12/2013 16:17

If this happens when dh and I are out, we both take turns at getting a round, unless I'm skint, he takes two turns ;)
A kitty works better imo though

Flip

1 2 3 4 5