Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an 8 day old baby and feel like this is hardest thing ever

63 replies

Hotmad · 10/12/2013 20:30

I love her so much that I cannot put in to words how much that is! But with breast feeding round the clock and never sleeping more than 3 hours at any time... It's totally messing me up! I cry and get all emotional at times, not all say just at moments. I feel a bit useless cos I feel like I can do it at times, then I cuddle her and it does go away.... My partner supports me well but he's so nervous around baby that he finds it hard to step up to the plate and let me have any prolonged rest. I Breast feed all day and bottle at nite now to help me, is it ok to feel like this? It's hard to let go also, I don't want to be apart from her so when she sleeps I find it hard to sleep myself.

OP posts:
Annunziata · 10/12/2013 20:33

You are doing just fine honey. Try your best to sleep, you will wake up if she needs you.

Let your partner help out, make him hold her and dress her. She'll be more sturdy than you think!

Congratulations Flowers

whereisthewitch · 10/12/2013 20:33

YANBU

it's the hardest job in the entire world but it will get better I promise! Newbies just take take take and it's relentless.

Hugs, you're doing great and have a chat with DP and tell him to step up, write it down if that helps.

MamaBear17 · 10/12/2013 20:34

Been there, felt like that! YANBU, but the way you are feeling is totally normal and, I promise, will not last forever. Don't try and do too much. Get your DH to do the housework and cooking and just take things one day at a time. It doesn't matter if you don't get dressed for a week. Take your time and you will soon settle into your own routine. Good luck x

ajandjjmum · 10/12/2013 20:35

I remember saying to my SIL when DS was a few weeks old 'why didn't you tell me how awful it would be'. She replied that no-one would ever have a baby, but promised me that it would get better - and it did.

20 years later though I can still remember that hopeless feeling, as both DH and I learned how to cope with a new baby.

Take care of yourself, and don't be scared to ask for help.

DoItTooBabyJesus · 10/12/2013 20:36

Oh, it is hard.

Tears are normal, nervousness is normal, being so tired it hurts is normal.

Take it easy on yourself, put some soothing music on, get a travel mug so you can have a hot cuppa and try to relax.

Just be mindful of tipping into PND, it's worth mentioning these feeling to the hv or midwife, so that they can keep an eye on you.

Good luck OP, enjoy your baby! X

queenmools · 10/12/2013 20:41

That all sounds normal and sounds like you are doing a great job. I remember wanting to slap everyone who told me it gets better but it really does get better. Just enjoy cuddles.

TicTacZebra · 10/12/2013 20:41

I remember feeling exactly like you've just described. It's completely normal. Honestly it will pass. I remember when DC1 was born and I used to think 'what have I done? This is so hard, I've ruined my life, I'll never have another baby.' 2 years later I've got 4month old DC2 and I can't believe I ever found those days so hard. Grin

Get as much rest as you can and get your DP to help you. Even if he's nervous, he needs to learn to look after your baby too. Good luck and congratulations. Smile

Vinividivino · 10/12/2013 20:43

You're feeling absolutely normal feelings - you're only 8 days in to a huge, life-changingly wonderful (but knackering!) event! I felt exactly the same but it gets easier soon, don't worry. For now, just try to get as much sleep as possible in the meantime and enjoy cuddling your baby - take every offer of help and that old advice of 'sleep when baby sleeps' is so true! Good luck and don't worry - as others said on here, you're doing just fine! Congratulations!

BooBudolphMeowson · 10/12/2013 20:47

I remember about 8 days in, and sitting on the toilet and thinking how hard it all was and very clearly thinking "Fuck, there's no medal for this? No seriously every Mum everywhere deserves a medal for living through this is the fucking hardest thing I can conceive of".

Funny, but now (he's 8 months) I can't quite think why it was all so overwhelmingly hard I just remembering thinking it was. It does get better. Flowers Congrats on your baby!

Killinascullion · 10/12/2013 20:47

I agree, it's bloody hard work in the beginning. You're doing well so try not to feel disheartened, if it sometimes feels difficult.

I think once you get past 12 weeks, you will start to find your feet and gain in confidence.

Do you have any family close by that can give you support?

Definitely speak to your health visitor about anything that bothers you and encourage your DP to get more involved.

Also, keep posting on here if you find it helpful to do so.

MammaTJ · 10/12/2013 20:48

It's a rough time, but it does get better. I have spent today with DD1, seeing her wedding dress, trying on stupid hats and generally planning her wedding.

I felt the same as you at this stage though, and we have had our ups and downs.

bigbrick · 10/12/2013 20:50

It's normal and you will find ways to manage the tiredness. I kept things simple so I wasn't thinking on anything else. Your partner can do all shopping, meals, cleaning. You can go to bed & bf and sleep and have the cot next to you of you are using this. Best wishes

ZingSweetPea · 10/12/2013 20:51

YANBU to feel that way.

It doesn't get "ultimately better" though.
sorry, but that's a lie. one I believed for a year with DS1, but nothing magically got "better". Instead I realized this:

What happens is that some aspects get easier as you get more practise and you get used to things and baby grows, but then new things will pop up that you will need to deal with and things will get difficult again temporarily.

It's more like a yo-yo diet.
it gets better, it gets worse, better, worse ad infinitum.

some days are rocks, some are diamonds.
but no matter how easy or hard some days are, all those days will make you love and cherish your child more, learn more about them & yourself, and you'll look back and think "wow, I did that!"

Enjoy the good days, survive the bad ones, it's so worth it!Smile

Congratulations! Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks

Jengnr · 10/12/2013 20:53

Eight days in and I hadn't been to bed. I spent three days in hospital and the rest of the time downstairs with him in the moses basket. Every time I brought him upstairs and tried to sleep I flicked wide awake and was terrified something would happen.

Eventually my husband ordered me upstairs to bed, solemnly promised he would get me if he needed me and slept downstairs on the sofa with the baby in the moses basket so I could get some sleep.

It gets better, honestly. Those first few days you're so overloaded with hormones and love and terror and everything else. You can do this. You have just created life. You are a goddess!

Congratulations on your new baby.

PS. Eat cake. It helps. xxx

comemulledwinewithmoi · 10/12/2013 20:53

Congratulations! You are doing really well. Keep going.... This too will pass.

Showy · 10/12/2013 20:55

Oh it's so hard. I remember being aghast at just how impossible it is to switch off. Like a low level, constant buzz. Even when they're asleep, clean, fed and seemingly happy, you can't relax. I also remember feeling like all life had contracted down to this one tiny being and DH and I were just in her orbit, our very existence reduced down to her and nothing else. I kept wondering if I'd ever read a book again or laugh out loud or do something spontaneous or sleep real sleep for longer than 17 minutes. You also wonder how it takes 4 and a half hours to get you both dressed and out of the door only to forget where you're going or give up and decide to stay on the sofa.

I can promise you that it does all change and quite rapidly. Suddenly they're 6 and pondering how the atoms of earth don't fly apart and it's difficult for different reasons entirely. Getting more sleep will help and this will come naturally to you over time but accept all and any help. Take your time. Get to know your little girl. You're both brand new to this and it's best to do it together little by little.

Your first baby is a huge shock and you walk round like a zombie, capable only of talking about nappy consistency and the state of your nipples. Rest assured, you then have a second and you stick it in a sling and forget you have it.

sonlypuppyfat · 10/12/2013 20:57

It soon passes they are not tiny for very long I remember talking to a friend and we both said when our first babies were little we thought we were busy! Just trust in yourself you are doing a great job.

LEMisafucker · 10/12/2013 20:57

YANBU it is the hardest thing ever! But it really does pass! Partly that and partly you get used to it.

You are allowed to have days when you JUST look after the baby, you don't even have to get out of bed! bugger the housework - so long as the sink is clean and the washing up is done, everything else can go to fuck.

Congratulations on your little baby girl - its the hardest thing in the world, but it is the best too, and yes, its ok to feel that way x

Longtalljosie · 10/12/2013 20:58

You're doing brilliantly. But your DH needs to get over himself - don't let him back away and say he can't do it or by this time next week it'll be all "you're the expert" and you'll be doing everything up until and including university open days. Tell him you're off to bed - if you're doing bottles (which you said I think?) you can get at least 3 hours sleep. Childbirth is a hell of a thing to recover from...

3littlebadgers · 10/12/2013 20:59

Go easy on yourself. I felt an instant bond with my first born but I really struggled getting my head and body around the practicalities of having a little being depending entirely on me. Around the five week mark I suddenly realised that I wasn't struggling anymore. God knows when it actually happened but 5 weeks was my eureka moment. It gets easier. Congratulations and good luck

Crowler · 10/12/2013 21:00

I was a bit like "what the hell have I done" for months after I had my first baby. It becomes your new normal.

SteamWisher · 10/12/2013 21:01

YANBU. I don't think I got dressed for the first two weeks.

Just one thing - bottle feeding at night could jeapordise breastfeeding as night feeds are important for maintaining supply. Your milk could drop off. Have a chat with a bf counsellor.

Also does baby settle on your DH's chest after a feed? Get him to sit with her like that while you take a shower or bath etc.

wonderstuff · 10/12/2013 21:03

Congratulations. You're doing great. It does get easier, it never becomes easy, but it does get much easier. If only because the magical day will come when you get some more sleep! Rest as much as you can, I remember feeling like I had to get up and dressed every morning, even though I'd been up half the night, and really I didn't, I should have slept more and worried less. I found that if I was falling down tired I could take dd to bed, and we'd both nap together, bliss.

But at 8 days of course whenever you are trying to nap you have visitors and your hormones are all over the place. Take care of yourself

PurplePidjin · 10/12/2013 21:03

Yanbu, but it does get easier. Well, you get used to it, they get less tiny and vulnerable, and the goal posts move anyway!

I reckon the early breastfeeding days are nature's way of telling you to sit the fuck down and rest after the battering birth puts your body through. So do that. Get dp/h in the habit of bringing you porridge (oats are apparently good for supply and the complex carbs will keep your strength up) and a big travel mug of tea every morning in bed while you do the first feed of whatever godforsaken time you deem to be "morning" in your house, and try to get out for a short walk every day just so you don't get cabin fever. Find a local breastfeeding group and make some other frazzled, shell-shocked new parent friends to moan to - mine is at the children's centre, run by a specialist midwife or look at La Leche League. And just ride it till you get used to it.

You're doing fabulously, congratulations Thanks

Camjen · 10/12/2013 21:04

Having a baby is the hardest job you can do. I've been on an operational tour of duty and found that easier.

You're doing really well and things will get easier. With feeding it is normal to be feeding so regularly but it does settle down.

Tips: cake is good! Have to say even just going out of the house and walking round the block for 5 mins gives you the space you need. You can buy monitors for the baby so you're not worried about them whilst they sleep.

In a couple of weeks things will be a lot better...I promise x