Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an 8 day old baby and feel like this is hardest thing ever

63 replies

Hotmad · 10/12/2013 20:30

I love her so much that I cannot put in to words how much that is! But with breast feeding round the clock and never sleeping more than 3 hours at any time... It's totally messing me up! I cry and get all emotional at times, not all say just at moments. I feel a bit useless cos I feel like I can do it at times, then I cuddle her and it does go away.... My partner supports me well but he's so nervous around baby that he finds it hard to step up to the plate and let me have any prolonged rest. I Breast feed all day and bottle at nite now to help me, is it ok to feel like this? It's hard to let go also, I don't want to be apart from her so when she sleeps I find it hard to sleep myself.

OP posts:
MrsWedgeAntilles · 10/12/2013 21:05

Oh missus, you feel like its the hardest thing every because it is the hardest thing ever. A tiny wee, completely self centred and anti social person has been parachuted into your life and you have to cater for their every need.
It does get better, just like Zing says, its a bit up and down but overall I found 3 months easier than newborn and 1 year much easier than 3 months and 3 years so much easier than 1 year. Also it gets better slowly and gradually rather than the crash bang wallop of the first few days of having a baby.

Its tough now but at some point quite soon some lovely wee thing will happen and you'll feel better and then more and more of the lovely things will happen and things will be much nicer.

Until then look after yourself as much as you can and have a word with your partner, although he's nervous he needs to step up so that you are looked after too.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 10/12/2013 21:06

It does get easier trust me.

I kind of guess a lot of the time, 95% it works out but I am only human i do make mistakes and I can balls thing right up at time.

It sounds like you have a great supportive partner, use the support he is giving and get some sleep.

monkeynuts123 · 10/12/2013 21:07

100% normal Wink

steff13 · 10/12/2013 21:07

It feels like the hardest thing ever because it IS the hardest thing ever! You're doing great, it will get easier as you get used to it. Ask for help if you need it. I'm sure you mom or sister or friend or whoever would be happy to come over and sit with the baby for a bit while you get some rest.

And make your husband help. Babies feel small and delicate and it can be scary, but it's not reasonable for you to do everything and get so exhausted you can't function. That's not good for anyone.

Mazzledazzle · 10/12/2013 21:09

You sound completely normal!

I have vowed that should I go back for a third, I will stay in bed for a month and demand to be waited on hand and foot whilst I care for my baby. Well, I can but dream!

Most of us try to do far too much and put too much pressure on ourselves. It will get easier.

I found putting a bit of distance between us helped, even just putting her for a nap in her own room and I'd be in the living room. I too used to wake at every whimper, so found sleeping in separate rooms helped hugely, but that's my personal choice and I'm sure many will not agree. It saved my sanity though as I'm a very light sleeper and couldn't sleep with a baby in the same room.

jeanmiguelfangio · 10/12/2013 21:11

Congratulations!! Yep it is the hardest thing ever- I remember ringing my mum and saying why did I do this? My LO is 9 months now and we are on to new dramas every day, it's a lovely ride to be on, but some days it really sucks.
I couldn't have done it without my DH, try and get your DP to start small and build up he'll get there and so will you
You are amazing, cut yourself some slack.

Sid77 · 10/12/2013 21:11

No one tells you how normal it is to feel what you're feeling. Hormones make you cry all the time and sleep deprivation is torture. Literally. Having a bath is such a complete shock and one that no one can prepare you for. 8 days is so young still and you have no benchmark and so no perspective when it's your first baby. Your DD will change, you will change and you'll grow together. It will get easier, it won't be like this forever - you have to give it time and relax. I am aware than this is easier said than done Wink Congratulations on your beautiful baby

stickysausages · 10/12/2013 21:11

Oh honey, I'm afraid this is completely normal! Don't forget, your hormones are all over the place too!

I remember MIL telling me that by 6 weeks everything would be settled nicely... I got to six weeks & thought.... fuck me, nothing's changed! Grin

The first few weeks are all about survival imho, sleep when baby sleeps, sod the housework, get dp to cook dinner, go to bed early & I promise, you'll find your feet Thanks

NearTheWindmill · 10/12/2013 21:13

Totally normal. I think nowadays they get you out of hospital so fast nobody tells you to rest or take it easy or explains that you need to be looked after. You have been through one of the most gruelling experiences a body can take and you are now giving your all to a lovely new being.

Well done. Congratulations. It will pass. And next time it will be easier because you will know what to expect my MIL told me how she used to have the nappies in soak and bacon and egg on the table at 7am for FIL before he went to work when DH was a baby - 20 odd years on I know she lies

Thanks Brew Thanks Brew

Fluffytent · 10/12/2013 21:15

YANBU

Its the lack of sleep that makes things feel sh*t. I read its to do with biorhythms - naturally they are low in middle of night which if we are awake tends to make people feel more down than during the day.

Not a problem with bottle feeding, you are doing great! Cake

littleolewinedrinkerme · 10/12/2013 21:19

Definitely the hardest thing ever. It gets better and easier every week and I'd say with each of mine, I was feeling in the swing of things by about 12 weeks. But the newborn days were the same every time. Bloody hard and draining and scary and exhausting. Enjoy the cuddles. Imprint those special moments in your head because in 6 months you will be like I am right now, listening to 7mth old dc3 sleeping in the cot beside me, all snuffly with the first cold and welling up as I read your post and remembered how very special our time together was when he was so so tiny.

neversleepagain · 10/12/2013 21:19

I was in shock when my twins were born, I couldn't believe how hard it was. I said to my best friend "why the fuck didn't you tell me how shit it is"

It gets better, I promise :)

PS: No more babies for me.

JadedAngel · 10/12/2013 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beginnings · 10/12/2013 21:23

And breatheeeeeeee. Totally normal.

I remember thinking on day 16 "Oh! I haven't cried today!"

It feels so so hard. I was certain I was never going to do it again. DD2 is 11 weeks, DD1 is just 19 months. It can't be that bad! The breastfeeding will calm down, I promise. And she will stretch her sleep really soon.

It's cliched, I know, but enjoy this. It really does go fast. At 11 weeks, mine doesn't want to snuggle like she did in the beginning, had already started blowing raspberries and thinks her big sister is the bees knees.

NearTheWindmill · 10/12/2013 21:30

We've had friends in Southfields for about 25 years - I don't think it's been as rough as a badger's arse in that time. 25 years ago, it was all chintz; now it's all been chucked out. Although I do know that in the mid 70s it was the labour government's intention to buy up the houses, raise it to the ground and build a massive estate like Roehampton.

NearTheWindmill · 10/12/2013 21:31

Apols, wrong thread Grin. Not sure how that happened Blush

thebody · 10/12/2013 21:31

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ^ all the above ^ xxxx

honeybeeridiculous · 10/12/2013 21:32

You wait until you get that first smile!! Your heart will melt,
It is hard, unbelievably so, I can remember not wanting to have a shower because DD was asleep in her Moses basket and I felt I couldn't leave her alone, and it's the lack of sleep that is the killer, I admit I gave up BF as I found it all so exhausting and it was actually a relief to bottle feed.
You are doing a grand job and things WILL improve Thanks

thebody · 10/12/2013 21:33

nearTheWindmill it's ok the op hallucinating through lack of sleep anyway so no worries. Grin

attheendoftheday · 10/12/2013 21:35

Having a newborn is far and away the hardest thing I've ever done. Hang on in there, it will get better.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 10/12/2013 21:47

With my First I stopped BF quite quickly as I wasn't used to the sitting down and I was not in the right frame of mind. I did not realise that eventually, after two weeks (?) the feeding settles down, and you can feed less, as they become better suckers....then once it has settled down you get a few more peaks when they suddenly want to feed all the time again, however if you can keep in there with it, it was loads more easier Bf with second compared to bottles etc with the first. Baby easier to settle, easier to take out, easier to sort out and cheaper, and no worried about milk. Its all so hard to take on board with the first..but ironically if you do stick with the bf it should actually after first few weeks make things easier for you....

Its a monumental change you have just had to your life there, every single mother feels it, esp with first, so its totally normal to be freaked out as well as feel the love. Things do not stay the same with small babies....sometimes you feel is this my life forever now! NO, even in two weeks it will be totally different!

JadedAngel · 10/12/2013 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat · 10/12/2013 21:54

It is harder than I ever thought it would be too, I thought I would be able to cope with lack of sleep, boy was I wrong.

I have a 4 month old, he sleeps 8-10 hours a night now and has done since 10 weeks after a really unsettled start. I vividly remember people telling me it would get better and not believing them and that hopeless feeling when they said the colic and reflux would stop at 12 weeks which seems an age away when you're only a couple of weeks in. I really thought, well I can't wait that long, I need it to get better now!

Accept any help you can, don't feel guilty or that you're putting on anybody. If somebody is happy to just hold your baby for you in an other room while you rest, let them.

worsestershiresauce · 10/12/2013 22:04

If it hasn't already been suggested try bf-ing lying down on your side. It is so relaxing for both you and the baby. When I was falling over from exhaustion I'd take dd upstairs, lie on the bed to feed her and semi-doze. It was bliss. It is also much less hassle than bottle feeding at night as you don't have to get up and turn all the lights on to prep a bottle.

flowerygirl · 10/12/2013 22:05

I really feel for you OP! Remember those newborn days and it was only 8 months ago! The mantra 'all things pass' got me through...you will be fine and once they start cooing and smiling you'll know it's all worth it Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread